22/11 . Moi - TYPE 2 !!??

Hey, I've just re-took the Enneagram test out of curiousity, and this time I came up TYPE 2!!! (not Type 9!!??)
Hmmmm..... gotta go read it up again! GAH.

ENNEAGRAM TEST RESULTS

The Enneagram is a personality system which divides the entire human personality into nine behavioral tendencies, this is your score on each...

IMAGE ICON RESULTS :

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Your main type is which ever behavior you utilize most and/or prefer. Your variant reflects your scoring profile on all nine types: so = social variant (compliant, friendly), sx = sexual variant (assertive, intense), sp = self preservation variant (withdrawn, security seeking)

What your score means:

Type: _ Score: __ Type behavior motivation:
2 _____ 48 _____ I must be helpful and caring to be happy.
4 _____ 41 _____ I must avoid painful feelings to be happy.
9 _____ 39 _____ I must be peaceful and easy to get along with to be happy.
5 _____ 32 _____ I must be knowledgeable and independent to be happy.
3 _____ 31 _____ I must be impressive and attractive to be happy.
7 _____ 29 _____ I must be high and entertained to be happy.
1 _____ 28 _____ I must be perfect and good to be happy.
6 _____ 27 _____ I must be secure and safe to be happy.
8 _____ 09 _____ I must be strong and in control to be happy.


SCALE RESULTS :

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism 40% Type 2 Helpfulness 68% Type 3 Image Focus 45% Type 4 Hypersensitivity 58% Type 5 Detachment 45% Type 6 Anxiety 39% Type 7 Adventurousness 42% Type 8 Aggressiveness 12% Type 9 Calmness 56% Your main type is 2 Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

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...............Oh~Oh, I'm so complicated........ *_*

21/11 . Sweet Emotions

NOTE: This entry has been written under the influence of alcohol in the blood *hic*

It's amazing how romantic everything seems or becomes... with the right amount of alcohol consumed... Haaaah... I've been feeling too much in the blue lately and today, after a bored day at the office, I had a nice chat with my best friend about my "Type Nine" personality (yeah, she laughed and snorted in agreement, and raised all limbs at one point) and had a nice walk with her to her class. After which, I reluctantly went to the GYM!! It was such a struggle whether to go sweat it out or just go home and brood and dwell in depression... but finally I decided that it would cheered me up better by exercising. :) - And on my way home, I bought myself some cheap red wine drink just in case I needed anything else to feel cheerful! Heh..

AT THE GYM (love is in the air?)

Love is in the air? Hahaha.... no way!
And did the PT come talk to me again? Make a guess!!!
Hahaha.... OH YES-HE-DID!!!!!! (wwwooooooooohhhhh~) *whistle-whistle*

Well, once again, I started my work out at the cross-training machine. Then I noticed, HEY! the PT chatting up to the chubby girl next to me is that same guy! Ah-ha! and I think to myself... is he gonna come talk to me again? Hmmmmmm.... *rub chin and twirl hair from large mole on chin*
Being very kaypoh, I strained to hear their conversation while looking the other way (at the TV) to disguise the kaypohness, and ho-ho-ho - how I chuckled to myself when I heard him said to the girl: "...Oh my girlfriend also...blah...blah...blah..." - *pooooofff* did you hear that? No, that's not a fart I just let out. It's the previous suspicion that he might be (er-hem!) interested, hur-hur-hur, haa haa haaa..... CASE CLOSED. (And to think that someone asked me to give that poor sod a chance, heh. He wants my money.)

Indeed he wants my money. After he's "done" with the chubby gal, he walked by and noticed me. *wink-wink* And the following conversation took place:

PT: "HEY....." *sweet smile*
Me : "Hi!" *sweet smile back and pant-pant-pant*
PT : "Wow, how are you feeling? Enjoying your exercise?"
Me: "hhhh....hhhh....h....." *pant-pant-pant*
PT: "Wah, your face is so pink, exercising real hard ah?" (and I just smile and ignored him)
PT: "Oh, have I spoken to you before? You already have a trainer right?" (wah, obviously he has only 4MB memory - cannot remember me leh)
Me: "Yeah, hh...h...hhhh...., you spoke to me last-last Friday, hhh....h...h..., last Monday, hh..hh...and now again today! hhh..h...hhh.... (wah liau eh - me now super anal liao - OK...be nice) *amused smile*
PT: "Oh, did I ? Sorry.. so many people... can't recognise you... (aiyo 4MB memory say so lah) *roll eyes secretly*
Me: "It's ok, I understand.....I'm not here regularly so you don't remember me.... plus ordinary face lah" (cheh! of courseI understand... you have 4MB memory mah - me better, hee heee.....12MB)

Tsk-tsk-tsk..... aiyo... I'm speechless. Perhaps you'd like to add a comment? ;-)


Sweet Emotions

Uhhhhhhhh...... now here comes the juicy account of the day..... *giggle-giggle-giggle*
I went on a ROMANTIC DATE last Saturday... Ohh-hooo-hooo..... *giggle-giggle-giggle* *HIC*
Hur-hur.... I know.. that's the effect of the booze I'm drinking.. as mentioned... its something *hic* call "Red Wine Cooler"....

Well, actually its not true lar, I've NOT been invited on a date lar *sob-sob* -- it was just meeting up with a friend, and more of a "by the way" thing - at least that's how it seems to me la - (haha... this account will probably freak the sweet fella out when he reads my blog). Well, see.. my new sweet-musician friend whom I've not met before was given a couple of free tickets for a movie and he asked if I'd like to go along (and I thought its a group of them). YES of course!!! In fact, I said YEA!!! YES YES YES!!!! First of all, I was very eager to meet him (he's so interesting and sweet), and I had been wanting to catch that show, plus life has been too gloomy -- and the invite couldn't have come at a more perfect timing! Needless to say, I had a really great time last Saturday! So how can I just say this is an ordinary outing? (hur-hur...it was supposed to be just an outing lah...) MOREOVER, this dude is so sweet I really must not take it for granted - So I have decided. It will be SPECIAL - a SPECIAL OUTING. YES. Thence I shall paint this account pink with romance... hee..hee, yaa haa haa...


*_* ~~ Hey, you sweet-musician guy, if you're reading this, just be amused hor...but don't freak out hor... or suddenly disappear hor... nor become uncontactable forever hor...!!! Remember.....it's the alcohol at work!! Yeah, blame the drink!! :)


And here's how I'd like to remember the day....
(music please....)

Once upon a time there was a princess.... (*DUH*) - oh shutup!

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First of all, let me pay tributes by relating from my perspective how sweet and considerate a person he is... being just himself (without agenda and without "trying to be sweet"). And I guess, I'm a sucker for all sweet stuff. hee-hee...

Sweet#1 : He offered to pick me up (Awwwwwwww......)
Hey, most people might take it for granted. But HEY! It's not a date, it's an outing, yet this fella offers to pick me up from the west when he stays all the way in the east. I just feel touched that he'd be willing to do that for me - though he said its bcos he loves to drive - but in this account, I'd like to be slighty self-conceited and think it's about me. hur-hur....
Anyway, due to time constraints (its an early morning show at 10.30am), he picked me up at a central place instead.
Still, it doesn't change the fact that he's sweet. (Awwwwwwww......)

Sweet#2 : "Let's look out of place together...." (Awwwwwwww......)
Well, upon learning that the movie (and breakfast before movie) might be attended by many highbrow/bankers etc... I was freaking out (slightly lah) about what to wear!! Gosh, I've always gone for movies in casual wear being the plain-jane-girl-next-kampong, and now I've gotta dress-up!!!!!!?? And this is what my dear sweet-musician guy says..... He said, "...let's just go in jeans, if we're out of place, let's look out of place together..."
(Awwwwwwww......) Isn't that the sweetest?

OH and yes, yes, call me a sucker - but there was something he said that is absolutely sweet as well..
I was being a pest and checking with him if I were to wear this or that would it be appropriate... blah..blah..blah - he should really ignore me, heh - but guess what he said? (sorry... I have forgotten exactly what he said due to my limited 12MB memory) He replied something like "Should be fine, I'm sure whatever you're wearing you'll still look better than me". (AWWWWwwwwwwwww.....) Ohhhh so sweeet!!!!!

OK-OK!! I know I'm over-doing it. hahahahahahaa........ are your hairs standing on ends? Goose-pimples upon goose-pimples? hhahahahahhaha....

BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE - I really appreciate him for it. Truly. Deeply. I think a person's thoughtfulness should never be ignored or taken for granted. :o)


Anyway, I got lost at the pick-up point and finally found where he is waiting for me. Upon hopping into his car, we said our "Hellos" and "nice to meet you at lasts" to each other and drove off. AND it WAS really nice finally meeting him at last. I was excited and nervous. Before that we had exchanges in emails, a phone call and some SMS'es. Immediately I felt comfortable in his presence and that's a great big relief! heh-heh... It was a fun time trying to make sure we're on the right route and locate the movie place and checking out the ancient street directory he was using (the place we're going was not even on the street directory yet!).

One thing (out of the many other things) I like about him - he is unpretentious and gracious toward me. If he doesn't know something, he does not hide or pretends to know. And he being such an intelligent and talented fella - did not make me feel stupid or small for even a second. I was afraid that he'd probably think I'm a silly Bimbo .... (oh, I better don't use Bimbo - last I said I was a bimbo, the person next to me asked me "Aren't BIMBOs supposed to look PRETTY too?" Grrrrrr..rrrr..rrrrrr... ) ANYWAY - yah, I was afraid he'd find me silly and shallow and daft and DUH etc.... But to my delight, I was pretty much comfortable being my goofy self while I'm out with him! Isn't it awesome? Oh yes, and he made me feel wonderful about myself. *___* (Awwwwwwww.....)

Upon reaching the movie theatre, we collected the tickets (HEY! 3 tickets!! HEY! just 2 of us!!) and joined in the breakfast crowd. How glad am I we're in jeans and casual wear! (I'm in errrrr.... smart casual lah... wore a nice blouse and carried a red handbag I've not used for yonks). Most of the crowd consisting of families with kids are in their casual wear too. I got myself a nice cup of black coffee (to boot up the brain and look intelligent) and we chat a little bit while he ate some of the breakfast stuff. It was a pleasant time. Then we redeemed our pop-corns and cokes and entered the theatre - Show's gonna start soon...

Sweet#3: He let me have the empty seat next to me (Awwwwwww.....)
How considerate!! We have 3 tickets (and he said he had gotten 1 extra in case I wanna bring a friend along - oh so sweet ^_^ .... hmmm.... but why should I bring another person to play gooseberry? hahaha) and upon getting our seats, he let me have the empty seat next to me. I was so daft and I ask him "why leh?". Glad I asked. He said, "so that you can put your bag and stuff..." (Awwwwwwww......) Isn't he so considerate??!!!! :)

OK. I know this is a tad too dramatic, but don't you dare roll your eyes or give me the cheap look now! And yes, don't you dare do the face-palm (alamak) action too!!! Huuurrrrrrrmmph!!

AND THE MOVIE WAS GREAT!! I enjoyed it greatly! (probably because I've not read this book). Had no idea porters can be that hairy and scary! DUH. *_* and while it was getting cold in the cinema, we snuggled up... (bahahaha.... never did lah - nothing happened lah, there's armrest in between anyway, hur-hur).

After the show we decided to have lunch together. To decide between which restaurant, we played scissors-paper-stone. (COOL!! Can't believe he's willing to come down to my level!!) He won, so we went to Country Manna. And yes, this needs special mention too - I was feeling cold from the cinema despite the layers of blubber for internal insulation. Upon going into the restaurant, he asked to be seated in a warmer corner and immediately asked for warm water for both of us. (Awwwwwwwwwww......) Isn't that sweet? (of course, you cynical people will probably say *KNS* he feeling cold too lah -- well, I bet he was, he's skin and bones and hot-blooded human of course he MIGHT be feeling cold too! So???)

Lunch was on him (aiyo, haha, and again, OOOOhhhhhh so sweet....) and we had a great time just talking and laughing about work life friends family relationships etc...And I talk MOST of the time, hur-hur - poor fella, I think I even cut him off several times when he finally gets to speak... (yikes!). I don't know how long we stayed, maybe 2 hours - I probably wore him out from all my ramblings - but I think we left around 3.30pm?? Well, doesn't matter. AND HE SENT ME HOME. Yes, ALL THE WAY HOME......

Sweet#4: He said I'm nice to hang out with.. (Awwwwwwww.......)
I think on our way to the lift or somewhere, he said this to me - that hey I'm nice to hang out with and he finds me unpretentious..... (Awwwww...) I could have hugged him and give him a peck on the cheek. So sweet hor, so sweet of him to say that hor? hur-hur...
(and I think after reading all these, he'll be VERY AFRAID to say anymore nice things to me liao. wah ha ha ha ha ha..!!!)

Sweet#5: He pat-pat me on my head! (Awwwwwww.... Awwwww......)
This is the killer stroke!
In my life I have a super soft-spot.... in my romantic fantasy....
That is the "big-brother" sayang-sayang pat on the head thingie.
NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT. Well, no one has ever had the chance anyway! heh.
And I think my best friend is the only one who knows this "soft-spot" of mine. (maybe a few more buddies lah, during girltalk) -- One killer stroke like that can melt my entire heart.
Guess what he did?? I'm sure he had not the faintest idea!!! I bet he does this to everyone and its a natural thing to do!! But....
Upon reaching my place, I thanked him for the great time and for asking me out (oh yes, he also thanked me for coming out!!!??? Awwwwwww.....), and as I turned to get out of the car.... *pat-pat* HE PATTED ME ON MY HEAD. (Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...........)
For a moment I was stunned.... and then I squealled in.. errr-hem...... pleasure and surprise! Heh-heh, the only thing I could manage at that moment was to say (very spontanously) "Ahahaha~...hey~ I LIKE that~!" *smile-smile-blush-blush*
And the door closes and the hero drove into the sunset. (errr... maybe too early for sunset, oh well)

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So there!
Romantic or not? *giggle-giggle-giggle*
I guess not. Upon reading, its really quite a lame attempt at jazzing it up. hahahaha.... nevertheless, it's better than just : "Oh I met a friend for a movie last saturday, we had lunch after that and he sent me home. We had a great time, hope to do it again soon". Right? Anyway, it's for my memory collection, so it doesn't really matter how you feel about it. heh-heh...

And I trust folks, that you won't get the wrong ideas - heh-heh..... The account has been retold swaying towards romantic indications -- Sighhhh......It's just the kind of romantic notion every girl has! Sighhh......

As for you, my dear sweet-musician friend, (YES, YOU!) I dedicate this blog entry to you, dearie. It's not meant to embarrass you nor poke fun at anything at all. It is truly the tweetie-style - MY WAY - of remembering you for how wonderful you are, and for making me feel so wonderful about me, and a great day out. (haha... beginning to sound KNS liao). You have been really sweet and I really appreciate you for it. So, you stay wonderful the way you are, eh? ^_~ and let's hang out & have fun again soon! My treat!! NARNIA?? I can get free tickets too! haha!!

And now, back to real life.

So, if anyone of you ladies after having read this, wanna get to know this sweet darling musician, leave me your contacts and *wink-wink* I can help make the connections. hur-hur-hur....

Wooohoooo! Can't believe I wrote from 11.33pm to 3.33am! Time for bed! *_*
And may tomorrow be great!

21/11 . Moi - Type 9 - The Enneagram

Oh my GOD! I'm so tickled by this!! Back in Sep-06 I did another Personality test from Tickles called the Enneagram (The 9 Types) and I turned up Type 9. Close score for Type 2 as well. Anyway, I was just doing some housekeeping on my gmail and came across it again, haha, how it tickled me! My best friend will surely raise all limbs in agreement to the analysis!!!

Anyway, I gotta blog this for future self-amusements. hur-hur.
In case you'd like to know, they're kidnapped from : www.9types.com
( I did not carry everything over... too much information)

(If you'd like a free test, go to : www.similarminds.com/advtest.html)

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The Peacemaker (the Nine)

Peacemakers are accommodating and are often out of touch with their anger.

Self-Preservation Nines: "Appetite"

Y I am very attached to my rituals of watching TV, reading, working on my computer, sleeping extra long, going to movies, and so on, and I feel anxious when anything interferes with them.
Y I tend to neglect important tasks and responsibilities and focus on my habits instead.
Y Food is prime in my life. Sometimes I use it to numb out, distract myself, and cover up my feelings.
Y I like to collect objects and information.
Y Sometimes I have trouble throwing things away because I can't decide which really matter to me.
Y I try to meet my own needs by keeping my home, car, office, or purse supplied with whatever I might want.

Relational Nines: "Union"

Y I like the feeling of being in union with a lover, family member, friend, mentor, famous person, guru, pet, nature, or the divine.
Y When not in a relationship, I usually feel melancholy and yearn to be.
Y I try to make my partner happy, both to avoid conflict and because his or her happiness will rub off on me.
Y I am usually so focused on my companion that I fail to notice what is going on with me.
Y When my partner places demands on me, I either become stubborn, go away emotionally, or go along so as not to make waves.
Y I often blame others for things that are not right with my life.
Y Sometimes I long to be more independent and discover my own priorities, desires, and aliveness.
Y I can stay with my own feelings best when I have an open expanse of time alone.

Social Nines: "Participation/Non-participation"

Y In addition to wanting to further causes, I join groups in order to structure my time, to soak up energy and become enlivened, to see how I can best fit in, and to discover where to direct myself.
Y Though I gravitate toward groups, I sometimes feel ambivalent about whether I really want to belong.
Y If someone becomes bossy or unpleasant, I often can't find the words to speak out, and I become stubborn or withdrawn instead.
Y I often stay on the fringe. This keeps me from having to commit myself fully and from having to participate in conflicts.
Y I bring my mediating skills and my ability to build consensus to groups.
Y I often take the role of caretaker due to my tendency to want to be all things to all people. Since I automatically become involved in whatever floats by, I pick up nuances from others; but I'm slow to pick up and express what I myself feel.

How to Get Along with Me

Y If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
Y I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advatage of this.
Y Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
Y Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and non-judgmentally.
Y Ask me questions to help me get clear.
Y Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
Y Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
Y I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
Y Let me know you like what I've done or said.
Y Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a Nine

Y being non-judgmental and accepting
Y caring for and being concerned about others
Y being able to relax and have a good time
Y knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
Y my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
Y my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
Y being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a Nine

Y being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
Y being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
Y being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
Y being confused about what I really want
Y caring too much about what others will think of me
Y not being listened to or taken seriously

Nines as Children Often

Y feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
Y tune out a lot, especially when others argue
Y are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Nines as Parents

Y are supportive, kind, and warm
Y are sometimes overly permissive or non-directive

Nine in Love - Living with Nines:

Y Once a Nine merges with you it is hard to separate. Relationships can continue for years beyond the natural stopping point. Nines find it hard to give up memories of old relationships so that new ones can develop.
Y You'll find that Nines divert attention from feelings by becoming preoccupied with unessentials. They search for alternatives to forestall arguments. they are often laconic and uncommunicative about what they really feel: "Let the unspoken remain unsaid."
Y Nines retreat into habitual patterns and trivial concerns ("lots of little things to do") rather than really engaging in the relationship. Energy spreads to the mechanics of living together: the house repairs, the mortgage rate. As a Nine's partner, you will find yourself being the active agent for change.
Y The Nine will say back what you want to hear. This does not imply that the Nine agrees with you. It's hard for Nines to say no because your needs sound louder than their own.
Y Nines fantasize about merging with ideal partners and being swept into a new life. The flip side of merging with the lives of others is that the Nine blames you when things go wrong.
Y Relationships deepen when the Nine can merge with you without any loss of personal identity.

Nine at Work - In the Workplace:

Y Relaxes in the absence of friction. Wants things to feel comfortable and to run without hassle. Wants the "job family" to get along. Has a deep desire to have good feelings on the job, between authority and employee.
Y Flourishes in conditions of positive support, but avoids self-promotions. Wants recognition but will not ask.
Y Likes procedures, lines of command, and rewards to be well defined. Likes to adjust own energy output to a predictable set of guidelines. No sudden surprises, please.
Y Can go on automatic and produce a great deal of work. Suspends awareness of own agenda while following routine.
Y Energized by a productive routine and other people's enthusiasm for projects.
Y Wants a structure to support decisions. Doesn't like to make decisions. Goes by the book; keeps spontaneous decision making at a minimum.
Y Cautionary in taking risks. Feels safer in known routes. Goes with what has worked in the past. Avoids risks that raise hopes, for fear of disappointment.
Y Forestalls a decision by gathering information. Puts off essentials while the unessentials get done. Strategic use of deadlines produces magnificent last-minute saves.
Y Feels overwhelmed with too much to do. Finds it hard to focus on a business priority when items of lesser importance seem like equally pressing concerns.
Y Often ambivalent about authority. Has difficulty setting priorities and getting going, but is stubborn about taking directions from others.
Y First expresses anger on the job covertly by ignoring the problem or shifting blame to the structure, to mismanagement, to other people at work


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Viola! This is even better than the ISFP analysis! Somehow it really does lend a voice to how I feel about things!! Eeerrrr-hemmm... not ALL above are true about me, but I'd say a good 90% accuracy!!!! And I don't really think the points on workstyle and love really reflect me positively (hurrrrmph!), but I can't filter it out, right? Whatever!! I think this stuff is awesome!!! ;-)

17/11 . New Steps in 2005!

M.O.B. Relocating to Cold News Room Bar!

Just received an sms at 6.25pm from Boy informing me that they will be starting at a new place in Mohumad Sultan from tomorrow. Oh sad, that means they won't be singing at Blue Bar Bistro anymore. And I have no idea how to go to Cold News Room Bar (nor would I dare go by myself!). However, I promised to visit them next week. He really wanted me to go tomorrow, I guess, its nice to have friends around to support you when you start your gigs at a new place, new crowd! I hope lots of their loyal fans will be there to give them the usual cheers, applauds and support. I'd love to be there, but I can't make it tomorrow.

I really love their music. I've never heard music so nice and tight and voices blending so beautifully for live bands. They sing and play REALLY GOOD easy listening music in their special MOB arrangements, with just a Bass and 2 Acoustic guitars. Boy is amazing and most of the time I'm there I'll be gaping in amazement (in awe!) at his ability to play the guitar! I would find my head shaking in wonder and wishing I could play like that!! *Howl* Once they start to play, it is impossible for me to do anything else but listen with undivided attention. IT'S CAPTIVATING TO ME!!!! I really think everyone should go listen to them sing & play. MOB MOB NUMBER ONE!!!!!!



THOUGHTS OF THE DAY

Had to go to the Ministry of Manpower today due to work. Took a taxi from the office at Cross street, only to discover that MOM is so NEAR!!! Just within walking distance! O How embarassing, hur-hur, the trip cost me S$2.80 - no wonder the taxi driver is so cheerie! good thing it can be claimed back from the company. (*_* the dingbat strikes again!)

It's been some time since I last need to go to the MOM personally to process any EP or Immigration related matters, and the place is quite different now. I had a rather pleasant time there, and as I sat at the benches waiting for my queue number to be flashed, a sense of lonesomeness overcame me.... so I sent a few silly smses to friends to kill the lonely bug and boredom. Glad I have friends!

These few days have been rather moody and gloomy. And my mood swings to and fro, but staying mostly on the brooding end. Can't seem to lift my spirits nor feel my chirpy old self and was feeling lonesome quite a lot. I guess, in times like this, I need to hang out with other chirpy birdies to chirp again! At the present office, no one hardly talk to me. Neither do I go around chatting (waz busy trying to look busy, hur-hur), and no one here is able to really connect with my 'frequency' too! Sad. I'm just not my bubbly self at all!! The office is really so quiet most of the time, and the open concept is still something I'm not so used to. However, I'm glad I've been placed at a window corner where there's some privacy. I think this is the BEST desk in this office right now. ^__^.

Boy do I miss my ex-ex-office where my happy hilarious laughter resound in every corner, sometimes flowing out from my side of the office to the other wing. People are often happy to see me (at least I think so) and I'm never short of witty remarks or funny things to say. I was showered with favour & affection and feels completely at home. I enjoy the people who laughed at me and with me - man! even my silly corny lame jokes they'll dig. Haaaaaaahhhh.....
Met one of them near the office yesterday during lunch break, and it was really nice to hear her telling me that I'm getting prettier and I'm missed at the office - with me gone, probably there's no one who mucks around and talk nonsense, do silly things, laugh hilariously. Sad.


The 11 months past....

On my stroll back to the office from the MOM, I felt a sudden bulk of depression as I entertained thoughts telling me I am such a failure and such a loser in life. I seem to have let this whole year passed, never did finish what I've started nor pursue the goals or dreams of my life, especially after I've read how my blogger friend drives himself towards his goals and his tenacity and passion - I feel real ashamed of myself....... In fact, it seems I've degenerated in almost every area of my life! All which seemed hopeful and promising in the 1st part of the year had became such a disappointment in the end - I just feel so discouraged and deflated, and I know -- I give up on things too easily. Is there hope for one like me? In the areas of my Career, Love, Personal lifestyle, Spiritual life, Family, Friends, Health & Fitness, Finances ......... none look positive at all!

But that is NOT entirely TRUE!!!!

(yeah~SOMEONE PLEASE COME & GIVE THIS SILLY WOMAN A BIG TIGHT SLAP!)

As I brood further, there springs forth the brighter sunnier thoughts, and I realised that HEY!! in this year alone there're numerous breakthroughs and bold new steps I've taken which I ought to feel mighty proud of myself!!!! Stuff I've never dream of doing, stuff I've never done before nor have the courage to do so!!! For instance.....

1. I signed on with a dating agency for 6 blind dates
People usually do not believe me when I admit that I have never dated before in my life (except for one "match-making" session by an office colleague - attended by me and 4 others) - Well, no one has asked me out + I'm too shy (*KNS*) + closed/small social circle + too busy working + too bruddy fat (kekekeke...). Hence, this is really a brave new step for me to take - just heck!! (BRAVO!). In the past, if mum were to mention someone she'd like me to meet - or asking me to consider a cousin- I'll protest violently and show her my rainbow color! NEVER will I go for anything that is errrr... not spontanous... for I dreamt of meeting my guy under natural circumstances and getting swept off my feet by his gaze.... hur-hur.. how unrealistic. But, with a close buddy becoming almost a spokesperson for this agency and seeing the quality of guys she actually met through these arrangements, I thought to myself, why not? Try something new! So what if I don't end up with someone? I would still have "honed my skill" in dating and break out of my social shyness!! So i paid S$900 for a 6-dates package!!! (and I really regretted it now). However, I can't say that its total regrets, because the experiences so far really helped me to grow into a more matured and wholesome being. *_* It's time to grow up.

2. First blind date of my life
It doesn't take a genius to tell you that signing up with a "first date" dating agency= you get dates lah!
So, the first date came really quick, on the 2nd day I've signed up, I was already matched with someone to meet up with. I was given a brief profile of the guy (age, height, vocation, interests, what's he looking for) and time & place to meet. I was really nervous, but went for it. Glad I had my best friend and buddies mentally supporting and cheering me on. It turned out to be a semi-traumatic and hilarious experience. The good thing that I got out of this date is: I know what I don't want in a man. hur-hur-hur.... and I must learn to say "NO. It is not convenient" firmly. Also, no more compromise with the agency. When I say, no smoking, I should be firm enough to say, "Sorry!! no compromise".

3. Went on the FIRST real date of my life
Well, this is a result of Date#2 from the agency. The refined and nice-looking 42 yr old Marketing Director from the Medical Industry actually like me enough from the lunch date to acutally ASK ME OUT! It's a milestone in my life!! For the first time, a guy made me felt attractive and desirable....... haiz... I'll try to remember him for life for being the 1st guy who ever ask me out (errrr.... not considering those ah bengs who whistle and say 小姐，你很美，要不要去看电影，喝茶吃饭?....). We had a nice time - went for dinner and movie (and he was sweet and polite) and he sent me home all the way to the west, though he stayed in the east and was running a fever. Heh, a completely different experience from Date#1, haahaahaaa... Subsequently, we met for the 3rd time... and when he continued to ask me out again I sort of got freaked out and pull the plug. I even called the agency to put the dates on hold for 6 months (the maximum time you can put the contract on hold).

Oh, I regret being so panicky, but I had taken the dates and also the guy too seriously and failed to try to get to know him as a person. The thought that he might be looking to me as a potential mate really troubled me (*aiyo, I really so KNS KNS, hur-hur*). So I told him that I don't think we would work out and I don't want to waste his time. Hahaha.. of course, he got totally confused and probably disappointed - Hey, we've just gone out 3 times!! He's just trying to get to know me!!! and I already told him it won't work out. But at that time, I sort of used everything I've "read" from the 3 outings to "forecast" the possibilities. I felt that though he could love me dearly, but I might just be settling for him. (*KNS KNS KNS*)

Well, I'm a much more sensible and open person now (after being told off repeatedly by a very clever and matured friend). I've 'matured' and grown socially 'wiser' and I no longer will embrace dates with guys as meeting potential mates. Just get to know people for who they are and be friends, no expectations please. Have fun together, enjoy each other, most of all - enjoy yourself (O, silly me).

4. Made Cool New Friends!!!
With the lesson learnt from above point, I managed to apply it and was glad to have made a few nice new friends from different backgrounds! I'm a changed woman (and my best friend will probably say KNS under her sweet sweet breathe...)
And Oh yes... I discovered MSN chat and Yahoo Messenger (yeah... where have I been on earth?)... and made a couple of friends as well! I love MSN & YM!!!!

5. I started a BLOG!!!
Need I say more? *_*

6. Well, some other stuff I've done & experienced this year includes:

1- Bought my dream Mini-Ipod

2- Wrote a new song (have not written one since a long long while)

3- Participated in a 1,000 person-strong choir at the Indoor Stadium

4- Donated blood (also something not done for many years)

5- Went Hard rock cafe (Singapore!!! *wah-lau*)- 1st time for me & my buddy!

6- Ate the famous Hainanese chicken rice from Chatterbox (yeah, 1st time) - the red wine we drank that night was unforgettable.... Yellow-tail something- something ....yum yum..slurp~

7- Won free movie tickets from Starhub (I love starhub!)

8- Took Guitar lessons (struggling with the slash chords/open chords! Arrrgh!!)

9- Had my first temp job experience! (wah but quite humbling to be paid half of what I used to get.... but much is given, much is required. At least right now I'm quite relaxed and enjoying myself here!)

10- Went for Date#3 and had a great one hour chatting with the Teacher Guy over a drink! We will definitely stay in contact as friends. How wonderful! (by the way, I'm his final date - for the 12-date-package he signed up for. They have been matching him with ladies outside of his specification and asking him to compromise - and he's really pissed about it. Hey, he's paying $100 for each date and this is definitely not worth the money! He can't wait to get it over and done with - just like me!! I have 3 more to go @$150 per date!!! Arrrgh. Heh, at least we have quite a few things in common. But I'm glad he said meeting me was good closure, at last, someone decent. *_* nice of him)

Hmmmmmmmm...... looking at the above, I guess, my life has been rather interesting and wonderful this year! It doesn't seem so bad after all!

So STOP feeling sorry for yourself!!!
(*piak-piak*!)

There're still around 6 more weeks before the end of the year. There's still hope! I will try to make the most of of this short time to do as much as I can --e.g. Complete my bible reading plan (in 1 year), go to the gym and burn away 2 kgs (watch what I eat too), put in some more effort for the guitar lessons (just 2 more classes to go!) and catch up with some precious friends that I've been too busy feeling sorry for myself to contact. Soon, my new nephew is arriving (near christmas) and I will become an Aunt. I wonder how different will life be with a new baby in the family? (and I shall lovingly name him Titi/Tutu/Tata, heh-heh - my brother will be so irritated.)

Woohooooo! I feel happy again! ^_^ ... and I can't wait for Saturday to come. Gonna meet a wonderful new blogger friend who has been a true joy (and awe) to know!

Oh I love blogging. It's truly therapeutic for my soul. (I just hope it won't die a natural death.......... knowing me........err.. we'll see!)

14/11 . Did This, Done That

A GREAT DAY!

Today have been a great day, I felt satisfied, though there remained some of the heaviness of heart & gloom carried-over from yesterday....it'll take me some time to get over it I guess.... But NOW let me talk about today!!

Today passed really slowly at the office. That's because for the first part of the day I have a slight headache, probably linked to the pressure I felt in my eyes... and most likely due to the sinuses getting infected again. Time to spray the nose and pop the pills. Can't afford to get sick without medical benefits!! For the 2nd part of the day, I just wish I'm home to blog. Wow, so many things are running through my mind and I really don't want to forget them or loose the inspiration. I have quite a short memory, hence its really best to write them down while they're still fresh in the mind.

Most importantly, today I looked pretty and I enjoyed my own reflection in the mirror, ahh.... so pleasant. *glee* (well, no one complimented me today, so I gotta praise myself. If nobody love me, I will be the only one to love me lor, hee-hee).

NEXT STEPS

Boss is back to Singapore for a week and we have some time to chat today about hiring plans for the HR dept. She's gonna move out of HR to focus on Admin and there will be changes in the current set up. HR is gonna grow into 3 roles - HR Manager, Recruitment Coordinator & someone for HR Operations. I'm currently working there on contract basis till Jan-06 primarily because I was contemplating going into studies next year and brooding over what do I really want to do/work. However I've decided not to move forward with studies, hence will need to start seeking a full time perm job soon.

Right now there are 2 opportunities I could try for: The one in HR operations and another non-HR opening, in Production. I am really interested in the Production role, mainly because it is non-HR and it deals with document "cosmetics" and graphics etc.. (Doing up presentations or editing the formats to adhere to corporate templates and guidelines for the Sales/Marketing decks). My boss seems to think rather highly of me and feels I'm a fit for the HR Ops job, but I don't feel too confident about being able to clear the formal interview rounds and being able to do the job well. In the first place, I'm not even sure if I like what I'll have to do on this job (I'm so sick of HR).... but... it'll probably bring in good dough.

On the other hand, the production job requires working knowledge & skills in QuarkXPress & InDesign (on top of the usual Word / Powerpoint stuff) -- both I'm not familiar with - I've only done jobs with Adobe's PageMaker and PhotoShop, FreeHand. Hence I don't know if they'll be willing to hire someone without these skillset or someone whom they'll need to train up and gives grace for the learning curve (it'll probably take me longer to get something done with this software compared to someone who is well-versed with it). Also, I'm not sure if they pay as much for the production position Vs the HR position.

Still, I'm inclined towards Production. Would really wanna try something new.

WIRELESS MODEM

Well, for not calling Starhub for technical support for the wireless broadband router problem, someone called me a silly woman, ... how touching, hur-hur.... I'm glad this silly woman has clever friends *smug smug* so this afternoon I called up Starhub and spoke to their Technical Support officer. Upon explaining the whole situation to a really really nice and patient lady, she sort-of identified the problem: Well, the modem is plugged directly via USB into the desktop, hence it can only allow single access. (Argh..who's that silly woman who set it up?).

Possible solution is to get another Linksys wireless ethernet card or adaptor, and have the modem connected ONLY to the Broadband router, then both desktop and laptop can access the internet via the wireless network/router. So, till I purchase a 2nd receiver, mum and I will live with the present procedure that worked. Bor-pian~

STARHUB I LOVE YOU!!!

One of my main task of the day is to get my ass down to Starhub centre and sign on a new line for my dad and get a FREE Samsung E350 (for my dad too). However, I'll need to trade-in my Nokia 7250i. *sob-sob*
It's not the phone that I can't let go - I stop using it 11 months ago! - It is the library of pictures I've taken using the phone that're stored in the unit that I can't let go. Memories, special moments and the different hairstyles I had... Well, I managed to salvage a few, sending them via MMS to my email.

From now on I'm sticking to phones with bluetooth (like my present Sony Ericsson k700i), and I'm definitely gonna buy a laptop (as soon as I've saved up) with bluetooth enablements. I hope to buy a nice digital camera too... but present financial constraints disallows. It's Ok, I'll live.

AT THE GYM

Well well what do you know?! I did gym today!!!
By the time I'm done with getting all the new line new phone etc. processing done at Starhub, I reached the gym around 8.20pm. Did 20mins cardio on the cross-trainer, and went upper-floor to do some strength training for the arms and thighs - abt 30mins - and did another 5 mins of cardio (that's all I can manage before collapsing) on the ?? machine (didn't get its name). Altogether, I burnt about 250 calories tonight. Waaaaaaahhhhhhh..... how pathetic, yet, better than nothing.

Treading 5 mins on the cross trainer sent me gasping for air (lungs feels like bursting) with thoughts of giving up screaming in my head. But I willed myself to just kept going (errr... just lower the levels and lower the treading speed lah, stupid!) - gotta press in to slay the sluggard. Then along came a PT and he stood at my side and started to chat me up. I know, he wants my money. I know, he wants me to sign a package. And I know, he was the same guy who came and chat me up last Friday when I was at the gym, same machine. Well, he caught me in a good mood, and so I entertained him. 10 minutes passed as I spoke to him between huffs and puffs, and by the time he gave up trying, I'm already at 18 minutes! What a good distraction! Hence I pushed myself easily for a few more minutes to achieve the 20 mins minimum target, heh.

As I got off the machine, stretched, and head for the stairs, I met that guy again near the reception. Hence we had this really DUH little conversation :
PT : "Hey.... completed your workout?" *sweet smile*
Me : "Yep" *sweet smile back*
PT : "So you're leaving now? Going home or somewhere esle?"
Me : "No. Going upstairs" (anyway its none of your business)
PT : "Where?" (I guess he can't hear me due to loud music)
Me : "I'M GOING UPSTAIRS - PUSH WEIGHTS!" (OK, be nice)
PT : "Oh... I see... I'm going downstairs!!" *DUH*
Me : "Really AH? BYEeeeeee~" (I'm nice)

Hur-hur.....was he trying to pick me up????
Nah.... he just wants my money.

And I really over-did on the hip-abductors today. Nearly tumble down the flights of stairs as I take each wobbling step down like an old woman. Gosh~ I wonder if I'll be able to walk gracefully tomorrow, heh-heh. I over-did on my upper arms too. At one machine, the weight was at 91 pounds when I approach it!!! Is that for real? Must be a monster!!! I could only do 12 pounds and I nearly couldn't change out of my exercise gear! My arms just wouldn't bend and I couldn't even do something simple like touching my left ear with my right hand. This reminds me, hur-hur-hur so mah-lu, I went to try a new machine, a shoulder-press or something and chose the lightest weight (1st hole) - using all that is within me and I could not even lift the handles a single milimeter!! Talk about the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!! Sheepishly, I got up and walked away. Nobody saw, I hope.

At 10.30pm, I happily went home after a nice steam bath and warm shower, smelling sweet as a rose. ( -- only to sit next to a really chow-serng man on the MRT - I think all my nose hair shrivelled up and fell off - boy~ I hope the fumes did not cause any brain damage!!! OK-ok... I'm mean.)

THOSE *!@\&$^%* BLOOD SUCKERS !!!

The recent season has really brought lots of mosquitoes into the house. (I stayed on the 3rd floor, not so far from the ground - bah!). Dad is killing all 3 of us with the amount of Shieldtox he's spraying in every room. And someone once told me, mosquitoes are attracted to blue, especially dark blue. And BLUE happens to be my favorite color, and thus made up the theme of my room - and my curtains are in navy blue!!!!! For the past few days, to my greatest irritation and frustration, I have been bitten in my legs by those blood-suckers lurking under the table while I type away on my laptop. Somehow the bitten spots itch for days and leave light brown scars!! Gosh! I hope I'm not gonna get legs decorated with goh-chiam-chi-kak (5-cents-10-cents) at this age!!!! I'm already sporting a huge Nike-like scar on my left shin since a fall into a drain many years ago! Anyway, to my satisfaction, I killed one big fat mosquito (probably heavy with my blood) last night with Shieldtox as I caught it resting on a spot near the ceiling.

Was watching a documentary with dad just now (Bug Attack - Blood suckers) and of course, the No. 1 dangerous blood sucker is the Mosquito. And something NEW about them have I learnt tonight !!!!!!! To my horror - mosquitoes detect and lock-on to us via the carbon-dioxide we breathe out (like chinese vampires), and they are equipped with the abilities to identify exposed areas of our skin and zoom in to the specific spot. Hayiyo.... No way to escape them. (GRrrrrrr.....rrrr....rrrr..rrr... better go rub repellent all over my legs now).

WORD OF THE DAY

" Pander "

The verb pander has 2 meanings:

Meaning #1: yield (to); give satisfaction to; To cater to the lower tastes and desires of others or exploit their weaknesses

Meaning #2: arrange for sexual partners for others ; To act as a go-between or liaison in sexual intrigues; function as a procurer; someone who procures customers for whores (a pimp)

(Hey.....Me? a pimp???!!!!???) *_*

OK, time for bed.
GOD BLESS THE DINGBAT TOMORROW!!

I can't believe it!!!!! I've just got bitten by a mosquito again!! Right behind my knee!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Where are you? Come OUT !!!!!!! grrrrrrr...RRRRR....rrrrr

13/11 . Moi - ISFP - Artist (Part 2)

Wow, this is really good stuff and I gotta strike while the iron is hot. Otherwise, once the procrastinating juice starts pumping I'll not get it done at all!

Here's Part 2 - The Relationship factors : How would I behave in my relationship to others? Btw I've skipped the section on ISFP as Parents... errrm... that won't be relevent for the next many years! (well, there's also the Analysis on ISFP Careers, Personal Growth etc..... next time, maybe)

ISFP Relationships

ISFPs are warmhearted, gentle people who take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships. They are very private people, who keep their true feelings and opinions reserved or hidden from others. This may cause them to constantly defer to their mates in their intimate relationships, which may cause problems if their mates are not extremely aware of the ISFP's feelings. Some ISFPs who are in the habit of not expressing their needs and feelings find themselves in situations throughout their life where they feel overshadowed, overlooked, or even "tread upon" by others. Highly practical and cynical by nature, these feelings may cause the ISFP to become bitter, and to either give up on their relationships, or to start using their relationships for their own personal gain. Although this problem is observed sometimes in the ISFP type, it does not seem to be present in those ISFPs who consistently express their feelings to those closest to them. These ISFPs have a very positive, warm outlook on life and love, and are not as likely to find themselves in relationships where they are taken for granted or taken advantage of. ISFPs go to great lengths to please their partners. They're very loyal and supportive, with a deep capacity for love. They detest conflict and discord, and highly value being seen and understood for who they are. They need space to live their lives in their own unique way, and will respect other's need for space.

ISFP Strengths

- Warm, friendly and affirming by nature
- Usually optimistic
- Good listeners
- Good at dealing with practical day-to-day concerns
- Flexible and laid-back, usually willing to defer to their mates
- Their love of aesthetic beauty and appreciation for function makes them likely to have attractive, functional homes
- Take their commitments seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
- Likely to value and respect other's personal space
- Likely to enjoy showing their affection through acts and deeds
- Sensuous and earthy

ISFP Weaknesses

- Not good at long-range financial (or other) planning
- Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
- Focused on enjoying the present moment, they may appear lazy or slow-moving at times
- Need to have their own space, and dislike having it invaded
- May be slow to show their affection with words
- Tendency to hold back their thoughts and feelings, unless drawn out
- May become overly cynical and practical

ISFPs as Friends

ISFPs are able to get along with most of the other personality types, although they tend to be reserved around those they don't know well. They will enjoy spending time with others who share their interests, and who understand and accept the ISFP for who they are. They greatly value their space and autonomy, and appreciate other's respect for that.

The ISFP is not likely to have much patience or tolerance for those who are strongly Judging. ISFPs celebrate their own uniqueness, as well as everybody else's, and don't appreciate being judged harshly for their differences.
In work settings, the ISFP is likely to get along with most everyone, unless someone inhabits their space too much, in which case sparks may fly. Generally, the ISFP is kind-hearted and generous with those they care about, and makes a true-blue friend.

ISFPs as Lovers

To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

ISFPs are warm and giving people, who have a depth of emotion and caring which is not often obvious to others, except those who know them extremely well. They are usually intense people, who experience their emotions on an intense level. Although they may appear to be light-hearted, they are in fact extremely serious, and take their relationships seriously. Unlike other SP types, people with the ISFP type desire and seek lifelong, committed relationships.

ISFPs may have a problem with communication. With Introverted Feeling dominating their personality, they are more vulnerable then most to being hurt. Perhaps because of this, they tend to hold back part of themselves from others, and do not always say what they think or feel. This is especially true during conflict situations, which the ISFP abhors more than anything in the world. Confrontations and arguments are very difficult for the ISFP to deal with. They feel personally threatened in these situations. If the ISFP falls into the habit of not communicating their feelings with their partner, this could cause serious problems in the relationship over the long haul.

Sexually, the ISFP approaches intimacy with complete attention, seriousness and depth. They experience lovemaking through their senses, and welcome the chance to interact with their mate at this level. They are not likely to express their feelings verbally, believing that actions speak louder than words.

ISFPs need positive affirmation to be happy and feel good about themselves. They need to be praised, although they are usually uncomfortable with "gushy" praise. The greatest gift their partners can give them is the expression of their affection and admiration.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the ISFP's natural partner is the ESFJ, or the ENFJ. ISFP's dominant function of Introverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Feeling. The ISFP/ESFJ combination is ideal, because the types share Sensing as their way of perceiving the world, but ISFP/ENFJ is also a good match.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Truly a get-to-know-me-quick material! I couldn't agree more!! (or less!!)
Well, hope you've enjoyed reading this! Got an idea of who I am now? *wide grinz*

13/11 . Moi - ISFP - The Artist

*burp* yum yum. Just had some porridge mum cooked and stuffed my face with MORE chips (Pringles' Smokey BBQ) MORE crackers (compliments of my neighbors celebrating Hari Raya). Haaaahhhhh..... feeling SOOOoooooOOOoooo much better and chirpier~ ^.^ Tweetie sings again!

Just went to catch up on my favourite blog and came across the mention of the MBTI personality profile. Yaaaaahhh..... I said to myself.... its time to refresh my memory on my personality type - The ISFP (MBTI) again!! I've been feeling so confused lately.

Here's what I carried over from somewhere - just 1 section (there are MORE!!!) :

Portrait of an ISFP -

Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

(Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Sensing)

As an ISFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five sense in a literal, concrete fashion.

ISFPs live in the world of sensation possibilities. They are keenly in tune with the way things look, taste, sound, feel and smell. They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses. They have a strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.

ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.

ISFPs have a strong affinity for aesthetics and beauty. They're likely to be animal lovers, and to have a true appreciation for the beauties of nature. They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.

ISFPs are action-oriented individuals. They are "doers", and are usually uncomfortable with theorizing concepts and ideas, unless they see a practical application. They learn best in a "hands-on" environment, and consequently may become easily bored with the traditional teaching methods, which emphasize abstract thinking. They do not like impersonal analysis, and are uncomfortable with the idea of making decisions based strictly on logic. Their strong value systems demand that decisions are evaluated against their subjective beliefs, rather than against some objective rules or laws.

ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others.

ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please. They have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to them, and are likely to show their love through actions, rather than words.

ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.

The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.

The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.

Wow, this is really so true of me!!
Yeah, especially those I've bothered to highlight in blue & red for your benefit.... those are really so ME!!!!!! Moi moi moi moi moi!!
Upon reading this, I begin to see it more clearly why I had such a strong reaction today (see last blog entry) and understand why I'm so frustrated (and why people don't seem to get me. Sigh......) Well, life goes on....

I might kidnap more or all of this ISFP stuff over for the next few blog entries *muahahaha...* this will be a fantastic personal archive!

And now, time to go back to reading my favorite blog or hmmmmmm...... TV?

Chirp~chirp~ chirpie chirp~ laalalalalaaaaa......

13/11 . Not So Cherry Merry A Me

Just had a difficult conversation with someone I respected an hour ago. She called me right after I reached home (abt 5pm) and wanted to know how I feel about another conversation we had on MSN a week ago. I had changed my mind and made a decision to not move forward with some plans for next year because I felt so totally unprepared for it in all aspects amongst many other reasons & factors which I've contemplated upon. She asked some really hard and pressing questions which made me felt so anal that I stop replying. During the week, she could feel the change in the way I responded towards her SMS'es (not the usual friendly light tones & smileys etc.) - either I gave no reply for the informative SMS she sent (usually I'll reply an OK or something), or my reply is just emotionless, I guess. Well, I gotta take my hat off her sensitivity.... or perhaps it's just too obvious, I'm never too good at hiding anyway, people always say they could read me like an open book (yeah right, just you wait.... you think you know me? Don't be too smug - I'm deeper than that!! I'm more complicated than that!).

Haaaaaaaiiiizzzzzz.... I hate it when others try to drum their values and their passion into me, when I'm not in the state of mind to listen or be open to what they have to say. In situations like this, LISTEN TO ME FIRST - my best friend is so far the most talented listener I've victimized, and I've flooded her ears with countless thoughts and feelings and questions and analogies and rubbish-talk and blabber that I know that she knows that her beautifully unfolded ears were made just for listening to me (BAH HA HA HA HA ... ). When I am grappling and dealing with so much conflicting thoughts and confusion, I really don't want to listen and I can't listen. In such times, trying to pep talk me or corner me to give an answer to things which I myself had not think through will only bring inner rebellion, negative attitudes, the urge to escape & withdraw, or simply, the mega ANAL emotions. I don't wanna be a stiff-neck, I don't need suggested accusations, I don't need to be judged, I don't need to be questioned in my priorities and values --- I just need to talk aloud to someone and hear what I'm talking, that's how I could sort things out. I just need time and space to pace myself comfortably again and I'll come to my senses. JUST BE WITH ME BUT LEAVE ME ALONE (*gah, I wonder if anyone knows what that means....sounds kind of profound and KNS KNS KNS*).

I'm really tired of expectations beyond me. I'm tired of the pressure I put upon myself. I'm tired of the need to explain things and account for things and justify for things. I want to be able to freely say, "No, I won't be coming" without the need to give a good reason or justify for why can't I be there - Can't it just be "I'm not going" and not "I can't go"?. I'm tired of being expected to be there faithfully, I'm tired of being committed and supportive, I'm tired of having the expected right attitudes (I wanna show my colors sometimes when something really piss me off!), blah blah blah blah blah...... I guess... I'm just tired.

My conversation with her opened up many other issues which I'm still trying to wrestle with myself, issues/topics that I had wanted to keep as private thoughts, things that I know she would find it hard to understand or unable to agree, thoughts and values which are still premature for sharing.... And it went to a stage I don't even know what I am talking about or hey was that what I was really feeling?? It's a mess. I may have misrepresented my own thoughts and feelings, I may be judged by my words and be misunderstood from now on, I may have added more confusion to my confusion. O dear God.

Oh help me, Lord. Bring me out of this valley where I can't see the road ahead.
Lead me and speak to me and let me know You are in control, that things are gonna be alright.

It's so hard talking to her this way... giving her my honest raw opinions and having her question me in return with more difficult and pressing questions. She's not really listening - She was on either counselling mode or persuation mode or some debate mode. Or maybe she did listen and understood me and she knows what she had to tell me to help me understand or come to terms with those issues. But I'm not hearing anything. I just want to put the phone down. And too cowardly to say STOP IT!!!! I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT ANYMORE!!! I DON'T WISH TO CONTINUE THIS CONVERSATION!!!!!! --- And too polite to just press the Dial button. ARRRGGGH! Now I really feel lousy lousy lousy lousy lousy........... just lousy.... I never had a ready reply for pressing grilling questions, and it doesn't take a genius to guess that I usually don't win in debates nor quarrels, for all I would end up doing is clam up and get blasted by the other party till I'm up in smoke.

I'm a fool. Fools rush in. Fools are wise when they shut up. Wanna know how to be wise instantly? Here's a tip: Just think of something really stupid or foolish to say and DON'T SAY IT -- that's being wise immediately!! *grinz*

And yes, it's now 8pm and I've not yet gone to the gym. This means if I start getting ready to go, I'd be there at 9pm if I drive mum's car. Uuuugggggggghhhh......don't feel like it anymore - Was supposed to get there around 7pm. Now I just feel like stuffing my face with chips and more chips (like I did just now) and hide under my covers and sleep it all off -- that's my way of escapism...that's how I gain quick pounds as well...and this would just make me feel even worse later. NAH. I'll go gym. I must. I must. I must. At least that would be something that will help make the day slightly better and the weight slightly lighter eh? Or should I just go watch TV? TV..... hmmmmmm....... TV sounds good....

WHY DO TODAY WHAT YOU CAN PUT OFF TILL TOMORROW? (The Procrastinator's Motto). Well then, I'll go gym tomorrow morning. Today I'll brood.

I FEEL SO UNHAPPY :-(
Somebody gimme a hug....

13/11 . YES! I did it again! Blog blog.....

Ahhh..... Finally I get connected to the internet again! YeeeehaaaaaAAAA...!!

Was really itching to blog some more, with so many things I want to blog down.
Yet, there's also this part of me that keeps filtering everything off. Finally, when I've decided I'm gonna "just do it" (after watching TV aimlessly for the whole night and wrestling with all the ideas and millions of thoughts that ran thru my head.. ok ok... hundreds of thoughts) .... Grrr..RRRR....rrr...RRRR.... all I get is this message "You are successfully connected to the access point but the internet cannot be found" from my new Linksys Wireless-G network monitor (or whatever you're supposed to call it).

Isn't it frustrating when you've acquired a new tool, which you expect to bring greater convenience, it actually caused GREATER inconveniences??? Well now, I have been a max-online user for almost 2 years, and so far so good - I could assess the net immediately without fail, hassle-free, directly from my old Gateway laptop via the USB modem (provided by Starhub when I first signed on). However, the only inconvenience arises when mum needs to access the internet. She's gotta either come use my laptop instead, or she's gotta unplug the modem with all its wires from the cable point/my laptop and bring them over to her room and connect it to her desktop. It's really not worth the effort to just check how her shares are doing.

Hence, I grabbed the Starhub deal for a free wireless router/adaptor straightaway (just sign on 2 more years) when I saw the promotion!! That's the solution!!!!! Mum can now access with the modem directly from her desktop while the router and the wireless adaptor allows me to access it from my room. How wonderful!!!!

Sighhhhhhhhhh........ it didn't work out that way, honey. Now, each time when I want to access the internet, I hadda go to mum's room, pull the power plug off the bruddy modem and push it back in to on/off the unit. And somehow, if I'm already on the net and mum tries to access, she can't - she'll have to on/off the unit or restart her PC countless times. And when she does that, I'll loose the connection, and will have to do the on/off again. Somehow, we have notice this sequence for it to work : 1st, Mum to get connected, then on/off the modem, then I get connected. GAH. Sigh..... feel so helpless, wish I'm more IT savvy and a wizard in all these. (Yeah-yeah, ask Starhub for technical help... yeah... one day..)

O yes, to make matters worse ... I usually love to get on the net at the wee hours of the day, and HEY!! what do you know? Of course! Mum had already gone to bed and locked her door!! I used to be able to just get on the net anytime and now the only thing I could do is growl (grrr...rrrr..rrrrrr..rrr...) and whine about it. And yes, the same thing happened tonight. So, imagine my joy (Yeeehhhaaaaa!!) when I heard mum came out of her room at 1.50am to pee. I quickly stealth into her room, did the on/off and came sneaking back -- If she knows I'm still awake at this hour and attempting to get on to the net, I'll surely get some late night nagging - especially when both of us hadda to get up at 6.30am.

Now that I've added another entry to my new blog *self applaud*, I'm deeply satisfied. Today (or rather, yesterday) was a day I felt like doing nothing and did almost nothing, just wasting life. For the whole day, my activities are: Sleep (woke up around 1pm), eat lunch with dad, think about going to the gym, think about starting a blog, watch TV, think about going gym again, think about starting a blog again.... watch more TV...took a nap... And FINALLY I did something - I blogged (hur-hur... sounds like such a loser). Thereafter, the chain continued - ate dinner, watched TV, think about more blogging.... and YEAH, I blog again!

Haaaahhh.... *satisfied sigh* .. Now I can look back in 20 years time and say : Way coooool~.. swwweeeeeet~.... I waz a blogger. *smug smug*

Well, its time to catch up on my favourite blog for some bedtime reading and more inspiration. And may tomorrow be a wonderful day! And YES, may I find the will power to go gym - I must I must I must must must!!!

Proverbs 6:6-11

A LESSON FROM THE ANT:
"You lazy fool, look at an ant.
Watch it closely, let it teach you a thing or two.
Nobody has to tell it what to do.
All summer it stores up food;
at harvest it stockpiles provisions.
So how long before you get out of bed?
A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,
sit back, take it easy --- do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,
poverty your permanent houseguest!

*GULP*
I'm surely aboslutely defintely going gym tomorrow. I've been too much of a sluggard.

12/11 . Here comes Tweetie to blog-world!

YES!! Finally.. a new step in my life... a blog!!! *_*

I've never thought I'll ever do it. But I've been so inspired recently by a new friend, whose blog so intrigued me.... I've finally decided to JUST DO IT.

I guess I've come to the season of my life where I'm so tired of wishing I could do something but never have the guts to do so. There're always so many anxious thoughts and internal issues to grapple with... but I guess... Just Do It - this is gonna be enjoyable. I have so many thoughts (silly ones & confused ones), things to say, to express, or just daily encounters and total blabber - It's time to blog! And I'd like to thank my 2 friends for their "encouragement". Hopefully no one reads this but both of you. hur-hur...

While trying to think of a blog title (phew~ its tough!)... I was stuck at the set-up page for what might have been 20mins! (is that long?). And this song came to mind, and I thought, yeah, why not??

And here's the song, one of my top-ten favourites we used to sing during the early days in church:

" Something beautiful, Something good
All of my confusion, He understood
But all I have to offer Him was brokeness and strife
Yet He made something beautiful out of my life.... "

WooHOOooooooOOooo!!!!!
Open Ye the Floodgates of Words and Pour them forth!!!!