At 3.30pm, my boss text me and asked me to join her for coffee in the conference room. Straight away I know what's it gonna be. And I braced myself for it (and made sure there's ample supply of tissue in my pocket.. ) and went in.
She was grim and started off by saying that this was really difficult for her and she have no idea how to deliver the news. She shut herself in the office whole morning and could not face me. She wants me to know that EVERYONE had a very good review of me - yes, including Scotty and Londonny!!!! - but the deciding point was that the other candidate had years of experience working in China, and with the new office opening up in China this year, that experience becomes a vital factor for considering the right person to hire. I fully accept that. Boss is so nice... she told me that even the Managing Director finds it hard "let me go" (huh? since when was he aware of my presence???) -- and she told me I can have the rest of the day off if I want to, because she knows this is difficult news to bear. She have also been "selling" me to the head hunter (MP) whom she was working with for getting candidates for the HC Ops position... and MP have a 6 months contract position with a client that they might want to consider me - hence I said, thanks, why not. So Boss will forward my resume to them. Boss also says that the Managing Director and herself will be most happy to be my referees for my future job - I think that is really so nice of them. It's nice of them to assure and affirm me that they are really more than pleased with my performance here, considering that these people are so high profile and top calibre folks. I feel flattered somehow....
So, I'll be here effectively till 17th Feb. 3 more weeks. And the new lady will start work probably 20th Feb. I hope I would have found something till then. If not, perhaps I'll loaf around at home, go gym, go for a sponsored holiday (Eee-hee-hee... anybody wanna sponsor me? For ladies, you have my enjoyable company, for guys perhaps a nice hug and kiss on the cheeks...?). In times like this, it'll be nice to have someone intimate who dotes on you.. but I'm greatly blessed by the nice encouraging sms'es that came to me from friends and families whom I've informed of the bad news. Thanks, you guys. Having you gave me meaning to live on. (hehehehehehe... ok ok, that is just some drama-mama KNS speech, hahahahaahah..... ). Seriously, thanks, for your support, cheers and concern. It helps.
Also, it's good that I've applied leave for this Wed-Fri. So I'll only be back tomorrow and and I'm off till next Tue. Boss say I can go off... maybe I should pay a visit to the gym. It's now 4.40pm, so I'll be able to enjoy some uncrowded moments. But I really have not much mood. Glad I have the blog, because it is therapeutic for me to write. Soothes me down.....
And yes, it's not the end of the world. I will cheer up..... soon. heh heh. Could feel that I need a good cry, yet there isn't enough emotions to help pour them out. I guess it's because I've been bracing myself for a week. And perhaps, no one close to me is by my side right now to help bring on the tears. It's amazing how you could hold on so strongly and crumble the moment your close buddy or family appear and the dams broke.
Sky is turning dark and looks like its gonna pour. Wow, how gloomy. It will be excellent to be caught in the pouring rain. Drama. So I guess I should make a move before it pours, I don't want to be stuck in this office. It'll be super miserable.... :o( Boo hooo hoooo...
Perhaps I should just go home. Go home and count money and budget and estimate the expenses etc. Can't go shopping because I'm not gonna have income soon.... Well.. maybe I'll have some income from CNY angpao money because I'm still single. hahahahaah..... that's the advantage of being single. But home will be such a depressing place to go to right now! I know I just want to sleep - my usual escapism route, or eat. Oh, I feel so lost.
I know!!!! I will go home and catch up on the blog "Talk Rock" by Rockson Takumi Tan, hahahahahaha.... This guy is so so so so funny!! I greatly recommend it for an amusing read if you don't mind vulgarities maximised. Start from the earliest archives. I get a kick out of his art and wit in using these choiced words so generously. Would love to see how he looks like one day, this mysterious beng and his horse. hahahahahahaha..... he really crack me up. Here's the link: www.rockson.blogspot.com
It's 5pm. Time to go.
....... And these are the days of our lives....
Monday, January 23, 2006
23/01 . Oh~ I hate the suspense!
Gosh~ do I hate the suspense for bad news! It's already 10.30am and still I've not been advised of the outcome of the interviews. My best guess is.... boss is busily typing out the offer letter and necessary hire papers for the other candidate. Probably have to let her know the good news first and get her verbal confirmation, then polish her shoes before kicking my butt out the door. *sob sob sob*...
Can't help thinking along the negative line, sorry. As much as I am prepared for the worse, I still hope for the best. Yet during the weekend, I have breakouts of acne all over my face, and last night I have red angry patches all over - So believe me, I don't have a blank face. Hmmm..... this is not good. I can't afford to be fat and ugly = fugly. Definitely I'd need to start drinking more water, exercise, sleep earlier, reduce alcohol intake, and probably lay off cosmetics for a while. It could also be due to the invisible "stress" that had build up from the interviews and how it would impact me financially pending the outcome. Sigh~ really hope I get the job. OMMMMMmmmmm....... OOMMMMMmmmmmmm....... *_*
Found out on Saturday that Rand was actually back in Singapore since last Wednesday. (WHAT!!!!?????!!!??? WTF~!!! ) And I guess I felt a bruise in my ego that he never did contact me nor ask me out. Hahahaha... interesting, isn't it? Few days ago I was even making a super KNS statement : that I'm not sure if I want him to contact me next week when he's back in town.... Yet, the fucking truth is... he is ALREADY back and he isn't contacting me! *slaps forehead* And silly me, I thought he's away for the whole week in Brunei hence the silence!!! Geez!! I have been so full of myself. If he know this he's probably laughing his head off. Yah, he win - hands down. I'm the fool... hahahahahahaa... silly woman. So anyway, I deleted him straightaway from my MSN list, no hesitation. Fuck it. I don't need to know if he's online or offline anymore. Wahahahahaha.... I know that is drastic, but I do not want to get into the state whereby I sit mournfully at my laptop waiting for him to text me - yah~, the modern version of "sitting by the phone waiting for him to call". By the way, I don't think anyone sits by the phone anymore in the present age - we've moved on to mobile phones. And how did I found out he was back? I saw him online on Saturday night, almost close to midnight, and I was so itchy fingers and can't take the suspense anymore so I sent him a line asking how was Brunei.. he replied oh it's boring lah...blah blah blah...so busy these few days lah blah blah blah.. and so I asked Oh~ when was he back? Fucking hell, since Wednesday. hahahahaha... I'm glad I can still laugh. I don't think I'll be able to laugh if I'm serious about him. What a fool I am, when ET knows this she's gonna whack me on the head and say that is the last thing you should have done. But I know she'll understand. hur-hur...
WW ever told me, he broke off with his last girlfriend for several reasons, and one of the things he couldn't tolerate was - she would insist on seeing him the very day he returned from a business trip. He's tired from the travelling and he wanna go gym and do his own things. Seeing her is not the first thing on his mind... Yet she will make a big fuss out of it, and they will end up quarrelling. She will raise things like.. if he is so tired and can't meet her, then why still have energy to go gym, huh huh huh!!??? Hehehe...I can understand it from the women's point of view, and told myself I should never never ever ever do something like that to a guy nor have such expectations - I must give them space no matter how desparate I am to see them, in fact, try NOT to even get into the state that I'm desparate to see them, it should be the other way round. But I'm also realistic, I'm no babe, probably there will never be such a day that a guy is so desparate to meet me. Back to the issue : I must say that - Somehow, we women tend to gauge if the guy values us or misses us - i.e. how desirable we are to the guy, by how earnest he is to see us again. I guess that is asking for suicide. It is obvious to me that WW loves himself more than that woman, and the demonstration of insecurity is a big turn off for him. As much as I don't really feel so attracted to Rand, the vanity of being a woman (perhaps it is also just pure pride and insecurity and low self-esteem) demands that he should behave like he "can't wait to ask me out". Muahahahaha.... so far no guy has been "gan-jiong" (hard up) over me leh...sigh.. my magic no power. Must be due to my Big Mac - Hamburger waist. hur-hur-hur....
Anyway, I'm staying cool about it (yeah~ cooool gal, coooooool....), though I could feel my bruised ego going OUCH~ ouch-ouch. And I feel like cursing: "Wah lau!!! Super BANG man!!! Super kanna sai man! Dui ah!! Wah I velly no face ah!!!!!! Chee kek ah...~!!" BAHahahahaha..... Well that's just an honest confession I have to make. I couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed.. (Is that an understatement? hehehe...) Women (at least those I knew) likes to be pursued and wooed. So do I. It would be so hard for me to go after a guy - unless I perceive that there will be NO other who can match up to this guy and I must do all I can to capture him. BAH! And yet... a guy friend of mine ever told me that he has decided he won't pursue girls, ain't his style. Sigh. I was secretly wishing he'd pursue me! So sad. My brother also told me that I need to make the first move or many moves, go for it! because this is the NOW society, and guys are OK with being pursued by a woman. But woe to me, in my case, it will still be a giant step to take. I really don't know if I can handle the degree of rejection, or the anticipated rejection.... I'm just not so confident of myself. But I'm cock-sure that if I wink-wink and pursue any Blangla or ah teeko ah pek -- they will be more than happy to take me. hehehehehehe...
For the weekend, I stayed home for the whole of Saturday, and on Sunday I met up with 2 friends and had a good chat and catching up. Got a surprise phonecall also from a long lost contact - Alison - she was my hair dresser who relocated when she married her angmoh boyfriend, then relocated back to Singapore beginning last year, and will be relocating again. She has invited me to her place for chinese new year, and mentioned that I will also get to meet some of her "other friends". I suspect she's gonna hook me up with people, teeheehee~...let's see if it happens. Suddenly I wish I have been diligent in going to the gym and work off the fats that's been piling up. hahahaa.. at least I could have downsized from Quarter-Pounder to Hamburger. Still, it'll be something to look forward to. hehehehe...
It was great talking to SH, because she never fail to give me caution, new perspectives or good values or principles that I could live by. So I guess I really should not despise my virginity nor give it away too freely before marriage. I hope I have the willpower to do so. Anyway, that is also my true desire... first to find a soul mate, one whom I could talk to, enjoy moments, do things together ... etc..etc... with physical intimacy playing a balanced role, but not the major role. After the "trial session" with Rand to get a taste of holding hands and kissing and leaning on the shoulders and being held - like how couples behave... I guess I should be satisfied. Just need to make sure I don't get high and be so permissable again. Too bad for the other guys that will come along later, they ain't gonna get lucky with me so easily. Hee hee hee... wait and see. Who knows I'll be all over them - the slut! hahahahahaa...... In fact, a young guy (engaged & registered) from Malaysia whom I was chatting with has given me an indecent proposal... he said, hey let's be fuck-buddies.. I say, yeah~ TKK, fuck off. Hmm... actually he's not bad looking leh, hehehe... Anyway I know he's just mucking around, he's a funny guy and sings me songs over Yahoo Messenger, plays the guitar as well. He'll be coming to Singapore somewhere in Feb if his company sends him here for training. Will be fun to meet up.
Well then, time for lunch. Hope I'll get to hear some news later, be it good news or bad news. At least I'll know whether I need to start sending out my job applications and resume, or how much to spend for dinner tonight. Yah, I'm still pessimistic. But I know I'm up against a strong competitor plus I sucked sky high during the final interviews, so I don't bear much hope for the possibility of being offered the position. Anyway, thanks, for all your verbal and silent support. I know all of you who are reading this hope I get the job (you better!!!!!). So thanks, Love ya! Hugz.
So, if I don't get the job, buy me lunch or dinner oK? hehehehehehehe...
::::::::::::::::::::::::::
2.50pm
AUGH. It's almost 3pm and still no news. I really hate it.
I have no mood to work at all. No motivation.
Had lunch with SH and went Spinelli for a coffee. Sitting not far off across from me was a guy in nice stripe shirt. Wow... slurp~ nice.... and our eyes met a few times. I was tempted to blush and was very much tempted to look his way more often just to check if he's looking. But most of the time, he might be looking to check if I'm looking, and I'm looking to check if he's looking. hahahahahahahaa.... How I wish he'll come over and ask me for my card or number or something. sigh~ He looks like a fun person to go out with. Hope to see him again. But I probably won't recognise him. Too many good looking guys around Raffles Place. hahahahah...
OK, back to work. Ohwww, wish they'll end my misery by telling me the news by 5pm. This is tormenting.
Can't help thinking along the negative line, sorry. As much as I am prepared for the worse, I still hope for the best. Yet during the weekend, I have breakouts of acne all over my face, and last night I have red angry patches all over - So believe me, I don't have a blank face. Hmmm..... this is not good. I can't afford to be fat and ugly = fugly. Definitely I'd need to start drinking more water, exercise, sleep earlier, reduce alcohol intake, and probably lay off cosmetics for a while. It could also be due to the invisible "stress" that had build up from the interviews and how it would impact me financially pending the outcome. Sigh~ really hope I get the job. OMMMMMmmmmm....... OOMMMMMmmmmmmm....... *_*
Found out on Saturday that Rand was actually back in Singapore since last Wednesday. (WHAT!!!!?????!!!??? WTF~!!! ) And I guess I felt a bruise in my ego that he never did contact me nor ask me out. Hahahaha... interesting, isn't it? Few days ago I was even making a super KNS statement : that I'm not sure if I want him to contact me next week when he's back in town.... Yet, the fucking truth is... he is ALREADY back and he isn't contacting me! *slaps forehead* And silly me, I thought he's away for the whole week in Brunei hence the silence!!! Geez!! I have been so full of myself. If he know this he's probably laughing his head off. Yah, he win - hands down. I'm the fool... hahahahahahaa... silly woman. So anyway, I deleted him straightaway from my MSN list, no hesitation. Fuck it. I don't need to know if he's online or offline anymore. Wahahahahaha.... I know that is drastic, but I do not want to get into the state whereby I sit mournfully at my laptop waiting for him to text me - yah~, the modern version of "sitting by the phone waiting for him to call". By the way, I don't think anyone sits by the phone anymore in the present age - we've moved on to mobile phones. And how did I found out he was back? I saw him online on Saturday night, almost close to midnight, and I was so itchy fingers and can't take the suspense anymore so I sent him a line asking how was Brunei.. he replied oh it's boring lah...blah blah blah...so busy these few days lah blah blah blah.. and so I asked Oh~ when was he back? Fucking hell, since Wednesday. hahahahaha... I'm glad I can still laugh. I don't think I'll be able to laugh if I'm serious about him. What a fool I am, when ET knows this she's gonna whack me on the head and say that is the last thing you should have done. But I know she'll understand. hur-hur...
WW ever told me, he broke off with his last girlfriend for several reasons, and one of the things he couldn't tolerate was - she would insist on seeing him the very day he returned from a business trip. He's tired from the travelling and he wanna go gym and do his own things. Seeing her is not the first thing on his mind... Yet she will make a big fuss out of it, and they will end up quarrelling. She will raise things like.. if he is so tired and can't meet her, then why still have energy to go gym, huh huh huh!!??? Hehehe...I can understand it from the women's point of view, and told myself I should never never ever ever do something like that to a guy nor have such expectations - I must give them space no matter how desparate I am to see them, in fact, try NOT to even get into the state that I'm desparate to see them, it should be the other way round. But I'm also realistic, I'm no babe, probably there will never be such a day that a guy is so desparate to meet me. Back to the issue : I must say that - Somehow, we women tend to gauge if the guy values us or misses us - i.e. how desirable we are to the guy, by how earnest he is to see us again. I guess that is asking for suicide. It is obvious to me that WW loves himself more than that woman, and the demonstration of insecurity is a big turn off for him. As much as I don't really feel so attracted to Rand, the vanity of being a woman (perhaps it is also just pure pride and insecurity and low self-esteem) demands that he should behave like he "can't wait to ask me out". Muahahahaha.... so far no guy has been "gan-jiong" (hard up) over me leh...sigh.. my magic no power. Must be due to my Big Mac - Hamburger waist. hur-hur-hur....
Anyway, I'm staying cool about it (yeah~ cooool gal, coooooool....), though I could feel my bruised ego going OUCH~ ouch-ouch. And I feel like cursing: "Wah lau!!! Super BANG man!!! Super kanna sai man! Dui ah!! Wah I velly no face ah!!!!!! Chee kek ah...~!!" BAHahahahaha..... Well that's just an honest confession I have to make. I couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed.. (Is that an understatement? hehehe...) Women (at least those I knew) likes to be pursued and wooed. So do I. It would be so hard for me to go after a guy - unless I perceive that there will be NO other who can match up to this guy and I must do all I can to capture him. BAH! And yet... a guy friend of mine ever told me that he has decided he won't pursue girls, ain't his style. Sigh. I was secretly wishing he'd pursue me! So sad. My brother also told me that I need to make the first move or many moves, go for it! because this is the NOW society, and guys are OK with being pursued by a woman. But woe to me, in my case, it will still be a giant step to take. I really don't know if I can handle the degree of rejection, or the anticipated rejection.... I'm just not so confident of myself. But I'm cock-sure that if I wink-wink and pursue any Blangla or ah teeko ah pek -- they will be more than happy to take me. hehehehehehe...
For the weekend, I stayed home for the whole of Saturday, and on Sunday I met up with 2 friends and had a good chat and catching up. Got a surprise phonecall also from a long lost contact - Alison - she was my hair dresser who relocated when she married her angmoh boyfriend, then relocated back to Singapore beginning last year, and will be relocating again. She has invited me to her place for chinese new year, and mentioned that I will also get to meet some of her "other friends". I suspect she's gonna hook me up with people, teeheehee~...let's see if it happens. Suddenly I wish I have been diligent in going to the gym and work off the fats that's been piling up. hahahaa.. at least I could have downsized from Quarter-Pounder to Hamburger. Still, it'll be something to look forward to. hehehehe...
It was great talking to SH, because she never fail to give me caution, new perspectives or good values or principles that I could live by. So I guess I really should not despise my virginity nor give it away too freely before marriage. I hope I have the willpower to do so. Anyway, that is also my true desire... first to find a soul mate, one whom I could talk to, enjoy moments, do things together ... etc..etc... with physical intimacy playing a balanced role, but not the major role. After the "trial session" with Rand to get a taste of holding hands and kissing and leaning on the shoulders and being held - like how couples behave... I guess I should be satisfied. Just need to make sure I don't get high and be so permissable again. Too bad for the other guys that will come along later, they ain't gonna get lucky with me so easily. Hee hee hee... wait and see. Who knows I'll be all over them - the slut! hahahahahaa...... In fact, a young guy (engaged & registered) from Malaysia whom I was chatting with has given me an indecent proposal... he said, hey let's be fuck-buddies.. I say, yeah~ TKK, fuck off. Hmm... actually he's not bad looking leh, hehehe... Anyway I know he's just mucking around, he's a funny guy and sings me songs over Yahoo Messenger, plays the guitar as well. He'll be coming to Singapore somewhere in Feb if his company sends him here for training. Will be fun to meet up.
Well then, time for lunch. Hope I'll get to hear some news later, be it good news or bad news. At least I'll know whether I need to start sending out my job applications and resume, or how much to spend for dinner tonight. Yah, I'm still pessimistic. But I know I'm up against a strong competitor plus I sucked sky high during the final interviews, so I don't bear much hope for the possibility of being offered the position. Anyway, thanks, for all your verbal and silent support. I know all of you who are reading this hope I get the job (you better!!!!!). So thanks, Love ya! Hugz.
So, if I don't get the job, buy me lunch or dinner oK? hehehehehehehe...
::::::::::::::::::::::::::
2.50pm
AUGH. It's almost 3pm and still no news. I really hate it.
I have no mood to work at all. No motivation.
Had lunch with SH and went Spinelli for a coffee. Sitting not far off across from me was a guy in nice stripe shirt. Wow... slurp~ nice.... and our eyes met a few times. I was tempted to blush and was very much tempted to look his way more often just to check if he's looking. But most of the time, he might be looking to check if I'm looking, and I'm looking to check if he's looking. hahahahahahahaa.... How I wish he'll come over and ask me for my card or number or something. sigh~ He looks like a fun person to go out with. Hope to see him again. But I probably won't recognise him. Too many good looking guys around Raffles Place. hahahahah...
OK, back to work. Ohwww, wish they'll end my misery by telling me the news by 5pm. This is tormenting.
Friday, January 20, 2006
20/01 . It's Over. Job Gone
Oh Fuck! The Scottish guy I went drinking with is my Interviewer for the day! He knows how fucking DUMB I am! We were even talking about the virgin-nonvirgin issue, and I've ever asked him if he is gay and he ask me if my mother taught me manners. O..O..O...This is really bad!!!!!!!!
Today's the BIG DAY. The day of my final interviews. I am interviewed by a Senior Consultant (Scotty) as well as a Director (Londonny)who recently transferred from London. And Yes, I am mightily intimidated that I have another competition who made it to the final rounds. Being here for 4 months does not mean I have an advantage over her. And it does not help that my boss mentioned she's a strong candidate. If I'm so good so good they have no doubts about getting me for the job, then they won't have to interview so many more candidates right?? Sigh~
And boy do I really SUCK at my interview with Scotty. It was quite awkward to talk to him face to face in a serious setting and I really struggled to speak well. I was nervous and have no confidence level and have no idea what to expect. I just know that the consultants are tough interviewers because they interviewed all the Harvard Princeton Cambridge Oxford top graduates and ding them, and I've seen the comments, of course I'm intimidated. I was stumped when he threw a case at me... "What would you do if a new first-year consultant comes to you one day and tells you that a Director has been making a sexual advancement and she is frightened, yet does not want to make a big thing out of it, and wants to avoid having contact with that Director? What would you say to her? What kind of backend arrangements would you do?" FUCK!! I don't know!!!!!! I mean, I guess if she tells me something like that, immediately my eyes will open so WIDE that my eyeballs fall out!!!! And I'd say, "HUH??? What???? Are you sure???? GEEZzz What did he do?? How??? He did what??!! How dare he!!! BASTARD!!! FUCK HIM!!! CASTRATE HIM!!! and awww... how do you feel? What are you gonna do? My GOD!! Poor thing!!!??? I don't know, maybe we should at least let HR know... wait... I am HR!!! Oh no, what to do huh?? Aiyoyo......"
So I guess I failed the "case". I paused to think for 5 minutes and had no answer. Geez, I have never ponder about such things nor anticipate such scenarios and really have no fucking idea how to handle it hypothetically. I can't think on the spot, I'm not a quick thinker. Sigh. Anyway, I have to say something right? So I said, maybe I can this this or that that blah blah blah and I stuttered and mumbled and totally crumbled, and tell him..."sorry, I really don't know...". SHIT! Sigh........ He's a tough interviewer. He also asked me "How would you view your role is towards the Consultants and how would you need to relate to them". GAH Another pebble I tripped over. And really, I felt so shaken up after the interview I felt like crying.. I think I am really not gonna get this job liao. I just hope the other candidate fucked up at his case too, hehehehehehehe.... that will be the only comfort. Sigh Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.... *pat-pat-pat* self comfort. It's OK lah, no more HR for me. NO MORE HR FOR ME! GRrrrr....rrrr...rrrr...
However, I did learn something good from Scotty. At the end of the interview he asked if I have any questions. So I asked him back, what would he see the HR person role as a consultant and how should she relate to them? His answer was -- Currently there is only a Human Capital Director/Manager here, and she will be the other HR person around most of the time. The Consultants will not have a clear idea of who really does what HR function - to them, HR is HR, although there are many different roles and functions. Hence, he would view the HR Ops person to be someone that needs to be approachable and handles each employee individually (not as a pool of people) - and who will be happy to answer questions and assist outside of her HR functional role, because not everything is her job. And to be effective means to have employees feeling comfortable enough to approach her to talk about sensitive issues or problems or just complaining about stuff, and that means she's gotta get to know each consultant individually at a personal level where she can interact and talk to them and relate to them, vice versa.
WAH. WAH. WAH. Oh fuck! As much as I would like to meet that expectation, I know that I definitely don't fit that description. I know that in the past, people feels comfortable coming to me and talking to me in my ex-company, but since I've joined this firm I have find it really hard to warm up to them, nor have them warm up to me. I find it difficult to relate to most of the people here, their intellectual level or sense of humour is just above my par. And I don't have anyone to joke with, they just don't get it. I'm just too lame or corny I guess... I don't really fit into this environment, though I hope to. Boy do I miss the people at BSC. Somehow, a few of the support staff here seems to make me feel like an outcast -- perhaps I need to be less sensitive and less playing "victim", but I couldn't help but observe and feel the vibes and naunces that they don't really like me. AND YES, I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING IT AND TRYING TO JUST SHAKE IT OFF EACH TIME. Why should I be intimidated by girls 10 years younger than me?
The 2nd and final Interview of the day with Londonny lasted less then 15 minutes. OH NO. Why so fast???? I guess I'm gone with this as well. I'm sure they will be so impressed with the other candidate. Sigh. He asked me, The China office will be opening soon, how would you - being in the HC Ops role - help to set up the necessary? WAH..... piang eh~ how how how??? I thought for a while and replied, saying that mostly likely I would first find out what's the existing guidelines and processes that needs to be followed, and current resources .... then for the rest of the necessary I could contact my ex-HR colleagues from China for ideas and advice and contacts blah blah blah... And he doesn't look impressed. In fact, he added on or correct me that I should also check with our mother company to see if they have any resources and processes, as well as the need to check out the employment labour laws in China.... aiya nevermind lah. Forget it , IT'S OVER He also asked me what I liked about working here, so I babbled a little on how positive the environment is, that people are helpful and the management walk the talk in trying to build this a workplace where everybody loves, and the great team dynamics we have... blah blah blah.. I fumbled in my speech too. I don't think I come across as eloquent, composed, confident, quick nor intelligent.
So at the end, he asked me if I have any questions for him... me not creative one, nor am I intellectually curious - but I know that they want candidates to ask questions inorder to test if they are intellectually curious. GAH. So I just ask him what are his expections for the person playing this role. His answer is also really good, like Scotty's answer(when I mean good, I mean it cause me to think and think and nod and nod... Is there a better english vocab I can use?).. - He said, we are currently growing very fast and by next year we would probably be doubled in our staff strength, hence this person must be someone who is not afraid to work hard to handle issues as it comes along, and yet has a good sense of humour(problably to stay sane).... blah blah blah... (can't remember as I don't think I was actively listening.. was wondering why session end so short..). Anyway, I still think the HR job sucks.
So, my conclusion for the day is... Next week, I would need to start contacting the agencies to get me new jobs or assignments, temp receptionist also can. Well, on a brighter side, that would be the beginning of another new adventure.... I guess. But that would also mean I'm still a very very financially poor girl, still owe mum S$6K, zero savings, no man in my life, with no career no job, no purpose in life, overweight, over aged, what a failure - is this mid-life crisis for me???.... Sigh. But on the other hand, I'm still healthy, have wonderful family and supportive friends, and can go find a non-HR job (probably won't be high-salaried anymore... and does companies still want to employ me at this age?), I still have my personality and wit, I can still date guys who don't mind that I'm not a graduate or that I don't have big boobs nice skin slim waist curvy legs tone body, I still have 3 outstanding dates yet to be arranged by IJL, I still have gym membership till April 2007, I still have my laptop at home, I still stay in my parents house for free and do not have my parents depending on me, I still have HOPE. Yes, HOPE.
One thing I must NOT loose is personal happiness. This year 2006, I have to violently guard myself from self-pity and depression. Though I know I would fall into it, but I will rise up quickly and come out of it. I will fight fight fight. I must ooze and overflow with positive energy. I must learn to encourage myself the way I encourage others. I must be strong though I know how frail and fragile my inner world can be. I must work on the down side of my life, any step - nomatter how small how weak - will still be a step forward. I must keep my head together. I must keep my chin up (double triple chins up! @#$^%*&#) I must love me and know me and take care of me... WOOF!! WOOF-WOOFFF!!!! Yet... how I yearn to have someone (a man, of course) to care for me and whom I can run to and hide in the safety of his arms and hear him say it's OK sweetie I'll take care of you don't worry and you will always be beautiful to me let's go do something fun.... Who sings me the Adam Sandler's song "I want to grow old with you" in THE WEDDING SINGER. Yet I'm also big fussy pot, not any guy also can. Sigh.. sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh... Those that maybe can don't want, those that cannot they want, wah how huh? I really don't want to settle for the ONLY man who ever wants to seriously date me. E.g. Rand. Anyway, I've not heard from him for the whole week bcoz he's in Brunei for business trip. Not sure if he's ever gonna contact me when he's back next week. And I don't know if I want him to. Yah lah, I want lah, at least there's someone to go out with. But no more hanky panky.
Over the weekend, my boss will be talking with the Global HC Ops Manager, and I'll probably know their decision by next Tuesday. Perhaps I already know their decision. yes, I'm too pessimistic I know, and people tell me not to worry but I am just too sceptical and critical of myself. It's over.. Until then, I just hope I won't brood too much over it, no amount of worrying nor brooding or going crazy or self-stabbing is gonna change the situation anymore. If I suck I suck lor. And I know I really suck, hahahaha... but I will still love me. *self hug* I am perfect in my imperfections. hehe... I am talented, and I'm sure there are areas I am definitely EXCELLENT in (e.g. late for work consistently). And I do wonder if I'll be good in bed. yummy....hmmmmmm....... kekekkekeekeke
OK Lah, hope tonight's speed dating will be a fantastic adventure. I was really anal yesterday when the organiser BK replied that they need to ensure that the participants are graduates. That's the first time I felt slighted for not being a graduate, almost like a slap in the face and a punch in the heart. I'm not good at studies, in fact, I didn't even cleared my A's. I hate the idea of being rejected by a guy because I didn't make it to University (if he don't like me for my looks, personality or behaviour, that is easier to accept), yet .... I want a guy that's been to University leh, hehehe..... higher educated than me mah... Anyway, BK is very nice, when I called him yesterday, at first he said let him think over it till 3pm (so I guess he need to see if there's enough turn up for ladies, if more than enough we no need go liao lah, if not enough then we can be helpful to match the numbers, right? this is just my anal thoughts..), then later in the afternoon he called to say Hey no problem, please come, but just don't declare to the guys that you are a non-graduate OK?? - GAH. To that, I also feel anal (and yes, NOW I'm still anal about it), because in that way, I am not graduate means I second class is it, so don't let them know I don't passed QC standard is it? But I am reasonable, it is an SDU program, in the first place I shouldn't even participate because I am not their target group, and it is not fair to the people who participated because they want to meet other graduates. Anyway, BK says don't worry, normally the guys do not mind if the ladies they meet are graduates or not, also the age range is late 20's to late 30's.. just nice for me. Oh well, will just go for the fun and the experience of speed dateing despite all these then. Anyway, BK was so funny, his email says,".. since we crossed, we shall meet. Dress pretty-pretty-hor! Melt the naughty boys..." hahaha... that made me smile already. Chey, so easy to cheer me up one. Hur-hur-hur..... this guy got magic.
Oh Well! Good to get this off my chest. Now back to work and hope for the best. Cheers!~
(feel so mighty distracted and discouraged.., really don't feel like working...)
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
3.50pm
I've just heard from a colleague who had a session with my competitor. It seems the other candidate is really strong and I am no fight against her. She comes from a legal background, probably working in legal firms, and has a strong HR background. Worked in Australia and China previously - which is what my company is looking for - and she deals with 'infrastructure' HR, which means that she is well verse with the day to day operations and employee issues. My my my my my.... SIGH~. Whatever small amount of hope I still harboured just gone out the window. Time to update my resume to put an end date, and be braced for the bad news next week. May I not be too depressed for too long, hehehe.. would surely need a good cry to get it out of my system. Hey if they're not going to give me the job, maybe I'll just give them 1 week notice and go. Forget it liao lah. But then...... why not stay as long as they need me? It's good money for a temp job! Sigh... see lah, sad life. Take it easy, Viv. You'll be alright. MacDonalds will still consider you... Aiyo~ but if I tell guys I work in MacDonalds they'll probably despise me liao. sob sob sob... I need to be financially independent so that I will not be fully dependent on my husband. I've heard of too many sad cases.
Ok OK... thinking too far again. hehehehhehee... Don't worry, be happy.
Today's the BIG DAY. The day of my final interviews. I am interviewed by a Senior Consultant (Scotty) as well as a Director (Londonny)who recently transferred from London. And Yes, I am mightily intimidated that I have another competition who made it to the final rounds. Being here for 4 months does not mean I have an advantage over her. And it does not help that my boss mentioned she's a strong candidate. If I'm so good so good they have no doubts about getting me for the job, then they won't have to interview so many more candidates right?? Sigh~
And boy do I really SUCK at my interview with Scotty. It was quite awkward to talk to him face to face in a serious setting and I really struggled to speak well. I was nervous and have no confidence level and have no idea what to expect. I just know that the consultants are tough interviewers because they interviewed all the Harvard Princeton Cambridge Oxford top graduates and ding them, and I've seen the comments, of course I'm intimidated. I was stumped when he threw a case at me... "What would you do if a new first-year consultant comes to you one day and tells you that a Director has been making a sexual advancement and she is frightened, yet does not want to make a big thing out of it, and wants to avoid having contact with that Director? What would you say to her? What kind of backend arrangements would you do?" FUCK!! I don't know!!!!!! I mean, I guess if she tells me something like that, immediately my eyes will open so WIDE that my eyeballs fall out!!!! And I'd say, "HUH??? What???? Are you sure???? GEEZzz What did he do?? How??? He did what??!! How dare he!!! BASTARD!!! FUCK HIM!!! CASTRATE HIM!!! and awww... how do you feel? What are you gonna do? My GOD!! Poor thing!!!??? I don't know, maybe we should at least let HR know... wait... I am HR!!! Oh no, what to do huh?? Aiyoyo......"
So I guess I failed the "case". I paused to think for 5 minutes and had no answer. Geez, I have never ponder about such things nor anticipate such scenarios and really have no fucking idea how to handle it hypothetically. I can't think on the spot, I'm not a quick thinker. Sigh. Anyway, I have to say something right? So I said, maybe I can this this or that that blah blah blah and I stuttered and mumbled and totally crumbled, and tell him..."sorry, I really don't know...". SHIT! Sigh........ He's a tough interviewer. He also asked me "How would you view your role is towards the Consultants and how would you need to relate to them". GAH Another pebble I tripped over. And really, I felt so shaken up after the interview I felt like crying.. I think I am really not gonna get this job liao. I just hope the other candidate fucked up at his case too, hehehehehehehe.... that will be the only comfort. Sigh Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.... *pat-pat-pat* self comfort. It's OK lah, no more HR for me. NO MORE HR FOR ME! GRrrrr....rrrr...rrrr...
However, I did learn something good from Scotty. At the end of the interview he asked if I have any questions. So I asked him back, what would he see the HR person role as a consultant and how should she relate to them? His answer was -- Currently there is only a Human Capital Director/Manager here, and she will be the other HR person around most of the time. The Consultants will not have a clear idea of who really does what HR function - to them, HR is HR, although there are many different roles and functions. Hence, he would view the HR Ops person to be someone that needs to be approachable and handles each employee individually (not as a pool of people) - and who will be happy to answer questions and assist outside of her HR functional role, because not everything is her job. And to be effective means to have employees feeling comfortable enough to approach her to talk about sensitive issues or problems or just complaining about stuff, and that means she's gotta get to know each consultant individually at a personal level where she can interact and talk to them and relate to them, vice versa.
WAH. WAH. WAH. Oh fuck! As much as I would like to meet that expectation, I know that I definitely don't fit that description. I know that in the past, people feels comfortable coming to me and talking to me in my ex-company, but since I've joined this firm I have find it really hard to warm up to them, nor have them warm up to me. I find it difficult to relate to most of the people here, their intellectual level or sense of humour is just above my par. And I don't have anyone to joke with, they just don't get it. I'm just too lame or corny I guess... I don't really fit into this environment, though I hope to. Boy do I miss the people at BSC. Somehow, a few of the support staff here seems to make me feel like an outcast -- perhaps I need to be less sensitive and less playing "victim", but I couldn't help but observe and feel the vibes and naunces that they don't really like me. AND YES, I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING IT AND TRYING TO JUST SHAKE IT OFF EACH TIME. Why should I be intimidated by girls 10 years younger than me?
The 2nd and final Interview of the day with Londonny lasted less then 15 minutes. OH NO. Why so fast???? I guess I'm gone with this as well. I'm sure they will be so impressed with the other candidate. Sigh. He asked me, The China office will be opening soon, how would you - being in the HC Ops role - help to set up the necessary? WAH..... piang eh~ how how how??? I thought for a while and replied, saying that mostly likely I would first find out what's the existing guidelines and processes that needs to be followed, and current resources .... then for the rest of the necessary I could contact my ex-HR colleagues from China for ideas and advice and contacts blah blah blah... And he doesn't look impressed. In fact, he added on or correct me that I should also check with our mother company to see if they have any resources and processes, as well as the need to check out the employment labour laws in China.... aiya nevermind lah. Forget it , IT'S OVER He also asked me what I liked about working here, so I babbled a little on how positive the environment is, that people are helpful and the management walk the talk in trying to build this a workplace where everybody loves, and the great team dynamics we have... blah blah blah.. I fumbled in my speech too. I don't think I come across as eloquent, composed, confident, quick nor intelligent.
So at the end, he asked me if I have any questions for him... me not creative one, nor am I intellectually curious - but I know that they want candidates to ask questions inorder to test if they are intellectually curious. GAH. So I just ask him what are his expections for the person playing this role. His answer is also really good, like Scotty's answer(when I mean good, I mean it cause me to think and think and nod and nod... Is there a better english vocab I can use?).. - He said, we are currently growing very fast and by next year we would probably be doubled in our staff strength, hence this person must be someone who is not afraid to work hard to handle issues as it comes along, and yet has a good sense of humour(problably to stay sane).... blah blah blah... (can't remember as I don't think I was actively listening.. was wondering why session end so short..). Anyway, I still think the HR job sucks.
So, my conclusion for the day is... Next week, I would need to start contacting the agencies to get me new jobs or assignments, temp receptionist also can. Well, on a brighter side, that would be the beginning of another new adventure.... I guess. But that would also mean I'm still a very very financially poor girl, still owe mum S$6K, zero savings, no man in my life, with no career no job, no purpose in life, overweight, over aged, what a failure - is this mid-life crisis for me???.... Sigh. But on the other hand, I'm still healthy, have wonderful family and supportive friends, and can go find a non-HR job (probably won't be high-salaried anymore... and does companies still want to employ me at this age?), I still have my personality and wit, I can still date guys who don't mind that I'm not a graduate or that I don't have big boobs nice skin slim waist curvy legs tone body, I still have 3 outstanding dates yet to be arranged by IJL, I still have gym membership till April 2007, I still have my laptop at home, I still stay in my parents house for free and do not have my parents depending on me, I still have HOPE. Yes, HOPE.
One thing I must NOT loose is personal happiness. This year 2006, I have to violently guard myself from self-pity and depression. Though I know I would fall into it, but I will rise up quickly and come out of it. I will fight fight fight. I must ooze and overflow with positive energy. I must learn to encourage myself the way I encourage others. I must be strong though I know how frail and fragile my inner world can be. I must work on the down side of my life, any step - nomatter how small how weak - will still be a step forward. I must keep my head together. I must keep my chin up (double triple chins up! @#$^%*&#) I must love me and know me and take care of me... WOOF!! WOOF-WOOFFF!!!! Yet... how I yearn to have someone (a man, of course) to care for me and whom I can run to and hide in the safety of his arms and hear him say it's OK sweetie I'll take care of you don't worry and you will always be beautiful to me let's go do something fun.... Who sings me the Adam Sandler's song "I want to grow old with you" in THE WEDDING SINGER. Yet I'm also big fussy pot, not any guy also can. Sigh.. sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh... Those that maybe can don't want, those that cannot they want, wah how huh? I really don't want to settle for the ONLY man who ever wants to seriously date me. E.g. Rand. Anyway, I've not heard from him for the whole week bcoz he's in Brunei for business trip. Not sure if he's ever gonna contact me when he's back next week. And I don't know if I want him to. Yah lah, I want lah, at least there's someone to go out with. But no more hanky panky.
Over the weekend, my boss will be talking with the Global HC Ops Manager, and I'll probably know their decision by next Tuesday. Perhaps I already know their decision. yes, I'm too pessimistic I know, and people tell me not to worry but I am just too sceptical and critical of myself. It's over.. Until then, I just hope I won't brood too much over it, no amount of worrying nor brooding or going crazy or self-stabbing is gonna change the situation anymore. If I suck I suck lor. And I know I really suck, hahahaha... but I will still love me. *self hug* I am perfect in my imperfections. hehe... I am talented, and I'm sure there are areas I am definitely EXCELLENT in (e.g. late for work consistently). And I do wonder if I'll be good in bed. yummy....hmmmmmm....... kekekkekeekeke
OK Lah, hope tonight's speed dating will be a fantastic adventure. I was really anal yesterday when the organiser BK replied that they need to ensure that the participants are graduates. That's the first time I felt slighted for not being a graduate, almost like a slap in the face and a punch in the heart. I'm not good at studies, in fact, I didn't even cleared my A's. I hate the idea of being rejected by a guy because I didn't make it to University (if he don't like me for my looks, personality or behaviour, that is easier to accept), yet .... I want a guy that's been to University leh, hehehe..... higher educated than me mah... Anyway, BK is very nice, when I called him yesterday, at first he said let him think over it till 3pm (so I guess he need to see if there's enough turn up for ladies, if more than enough we no need go liao lah, if not enough then we can be helpful to match the numbers, right? this is just my anal thoughts..), then later in the afternoon he called to say Hey no problem, please come, but just don't declare to the guys that you are a non-graduate OK?? - GAH. To that, I also feel anal (and yes, NOW I'm still anal about it), because in that way, I am not graduate means I second class is it, so don't let them know I don't passed QC standard is it? But I am reasonable, it is an SDU program, in the first place I shouldn't even participate because I am not their target group, and it is not fair to the people who participated because they want to meet other graduates. Anyway, BK says don't worry, normally the guys do not mind if the ladies they meet are graduates or not, also the age range is late 20's to late 30's.. just nice for me. Oh well, will just go for the fun and the experience of speed dateing despite all these then. Anyway, BK was so funny, his email says,".. since we crossed, we shall meet. Dress pretty-pretty-hor! Melt the naughty boys..." hahaha... that made me smile already. Chey, so easy to cheer me up one. Hur-hur-hur..... this guy got magic.
Oh Well! Good to get this off my chest. Now back to work and hope for the best. Cheers!~
(feel so mighty distracted and discouraged.., really don't feel like working...)
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
3.50pm
I've just heard from a colleague who had a session with my competitor. It seems the other candidate is really strong and I am no fight against her. She comes from a legal background, probably working in legal firms, and has a strong HR background. Worked in Australia and China previously - which is what my company is looking for - and she deals with 'infrastructure' HR, which means that she is well verse with the day to day operations and employee issues. My my my my my.... SIGH~. Whatever small amount of hope I still harboured just gone out the window. Time to update my resume to put an end date, and be braced for the bad news next week. May I not be too depressed for too long, hehehe.. would surely need a good cry to get it out of my system. Hey if they're not going to give me the job, maybe I'll just give them 1 week notice and go. Forget it liao lah. But then...... why not stay as long as they need me? It's good money for a temp job! Sigh... see lah, sad life. Take it easy, Viv. You'll be alright. MacDonalds will still consider you... Aiyo~ but if I tell guys I work in MacDonalds they'll probably despise me liao. sob sob sob... I need to be financially independent so that I will not be fully dependent on my husband. I've heard of too many sad cases.
Ok OK... thinking too far again. hehehehhehee... Don't worry, be happy.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
18/01 . Wow~ Speed dating!
Yah hahahaha.... I've just signed up for a speed dating session this Friday (20 Jan) organised by yahoo groups or something. A friend who's going emailed me to see if I'm interested, I said YES -- of course!!!!! Hey, anything that sounds like an adventure and a time of thrill in 2006 will get a YES YES YES from me! hee hee heee... and here's the email invitation:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HELLOOOOO LADIES
KNOW MORE FRIENDS,CHINESE NEW YEAR BONUS & THE COMING VALENTINE COMPANION STARTS NOW.
CURRENT STATUS @ 18JAN06: 13LADIES & 21GENTLEMEN REGISTERED,ESTIMATED GROUP SIZE: 40
Jan 20 (Fri) Dinner Dating MEET & MATCH DATE/DIN/19301/5SUSHI SPEED DATING - Meet new friends while enjoying a Japanese Bento Set Dinner.
All participants are given a dating card to indicate their interest of each other independently, of which, the organizer will match & inform the participants if there is a mutual match in the next 3 days.
Ladies will be seated while the gentlemen rotate to each table to chat with the lady for 5 mins.
5Sushi Restaurant @ 71A Boat Quay Singapore 049859. 7pm – 10pm, S$25 , Group Size: 40, Closing Date: Jan 18
For registration please provide Name, Gender & Mobile (mention MM 20Jan), via any of the below methods:
1) SMS bk at xxxx-xxxx
2) Email bk at xxxxxxx@yahoo.com.sg
3) Register direct through SDU website
Thanks & see you,
bk
Mobile: xxxx-xxxx
**(I've amended personal information to xxxxxxxx to protect the innocent. haha..KNS)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
..... But... I can't help but be so cynical.. so far 21 guys and 13 gals have signed up? I am sure NONE of the guys will be desirable to me in view of how absolutely shallow and fussy a bitch I am. And most likely, they'll be under the age of 25. DUH ... Anywayz, Buahahahaha... probably the guy who said "OOOhhhhh~ what's a fabulous darling like you doing in a place like this..?" will score high points with me. Becoz I am super KNS. hur-hur-hur..... MMmmmm... and what should be my reply if a guy really said that?!?!?!? hmmmm...... (A) I should either just smile coyly and flap those eyelids and flirt at him while licking my lips and twirling my hair with my fingers......(*puke*) .. OR .. (B) I should say in a manly voice, "... wah liu errrrh...yentao lu gong simi sai ah? wah Aunty buay hiao ungllerstandings ang moh, berry berry cheem... " WAHHAHAHAHAHA.. Ok OK... last one.. (C) I should say... in a seductive voice with an american slang... ".. Awww... how sweet of you to say that.. but well of course I'm here so that a sexy hunk like you can busk in my presence for the eternity of 5 minutes... " and then let him kiss the back of my hand. YES??? Does that sound better? Alrightttty! I'm all set for speed dating. Teeheehee... OH~ what should I wear?
Had lunch with Paul today, and its really so so so so so so so so nice. Sigh~ I really enjoy his company. He's got a wonderful talent~ and its really too bad he gotta rush off. It's lunch, DUH.... and I have only finish half my story... (poor Paul, it must have been a narrow escape, teeheehee... ). I love my victims. I must treat them well and keep them alive. It's hard to find people you can really enjoy talking to / talking with nowadays -- especially happy victims. *evil laugh* Chemistry is so important. Oh, and yes, what was the new word he used to describe me today????? ..... Oh yes... I'm prejudiced. heeheeheee... so now that word is added to the list of words that describe me : I'm anal, cynical, prideful, egoistic, stubborn, fussy, shallow, self-centered, bitchy and prejudiced. Hey, that don't make me look too beautiful, but I am beginning to feel attracted to this bitchy personality of mine. Now I just need to find someone else who like it too (well, hope its not too hard!).
This evening I'm gonna go get some coloring done for my hair and hopefully I'll walk out a more gorgeous babe (with an even greater negative net-worth *_*), but hey, I promise to love myself this year!! Better look good enough for ME to love it, eh? And yes, need to gym gym gym, but that will take 6 months to see results. Was eyeing the XANDO promotion at Watson earlier.... really tempting, for S$215 you get 2 boxes of Xando X-Fat and a box of Xando Trim Tummy or whatever.... and it promise you a flatter tummy, just want I need! Sigh~ nahhhh... I know I know.. I'll just be throwing cash away. It's not gonna be miraculous. The returns will not be obvious, perhaps just did not increase in weight and circumference and body mass after finishing those boxes of pills. Heh. Right now at least I've met a guy who is happy to bring me out on dates, and don't seem to mind that I'm FAT (not sure if he's being honest) ... he just says I'm on the "fleshy" side but likes me together with my fats, including the "love-handles", heh heh heh... that is quite nice of him. Will keep him for one more day.
Was just informed by my boss that the final rounds of interview for the Regional HC Ops Generalist job will be this Friday. By next week I'll know if I get to stay with the company or not, otherwise, I'll just be working here till mid-Feb. *sob-sob* .... This is really nerve-wrecking. Hope I will pull through. I've been interviewed so far by the Head of Global HC Operations who sits in New York, and 2 other Regional HC Ops Managers from New York and London. So I have cleared the 1st and 2nd rounds and this Friday will be the last, to be interviewed by 2 others - a Director plus a Consultant from the Singapore office. Boy oh boy~ I really need all the favour and grace and prayer I could get!! I'm up against another strong external candidate for this position and we're both in the final rounds and I wish I know how the rating compares. Geez, honestly I really do not have any confidence if I'll get the job. Being here for 4 months does not give be leverage or special favours from the hiring people. Would really have to start preparing myself for the worse. Be prepared to tighten my belt (right now no belt is long enough and all my pants are too tight for me, I just wear my belt of fats! hahahaha... ok, lame... I know...) and start to cut down expenses again. No job = No pay. Actually, I have already started that a week ago. Ohhhhh!!!!!!!! BAH!!!! I would really really want to have the job (FOR THE SAKE OF THE MONEY)!!!!! Really need the steady income and hope to perform up to expectations for the job (whether I like it or not, and whether people like me or not).
OKee.. now back to work and looking busy. :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HELLOOOOO LADIES
KNOW MORE FRIENDS,CHINESE NEW YEAR BONUS & THE COMING VALENTINE COMPANION STARTS NOW.
CURRENT STATUS @ 18JAN06: 13LADIES & 21GENTLEMEN REGISTERED,ESTIMATED GROUP SIZE: 40
Jan 20 (Fri) Dinner Dating MEET & MATCH DATE/DIN/19301/5SUSHI SPEED DATING - Meet new friends while enjoying a Japanese Bento Set Dinner.
All participants are given a dating card to indicate their interest of each other independently, of which, the organizer will match & inform the participants if there is a mutual match in the next 3 days.
Ladies will be seated while the gentlemen rotate to each table to chat with the lady for 5 mins.
5Sushi Restaurant @ 71A Boat Quay Singapore 049859. 7pm – 10pm, S$25 , Group Size: 40, Closing Date: Jan 18
For registration please provide Name, Gender & Mobile (mention MM 20Jan), via any of the below methods:
1) SMS bk at xxxx-xxxx
2) Email bk at xxxxxxx@yahoo.com.sg
3) Register direct through SDU website
Thanks & see you,
bk
Mobile: xxxx-xxxx
**(I've amended personal information to xxxxxxxx to protect the innocent. haha..KNS)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
..... But... I can't help but be so cynical.. so far 21 guys and 13 gals have signed up? I am sure NONE of the guys will be desirable to me in view of how absolutely shallow and fussy a bitch I am. And most likely, they'll be under the age of 25. DUH ... Anywayz, Buahahahaha... probably the guy who said "OOOhhhhh~ what's a fabulous darling like you doing in a place like this..?" will score high points with me. Becoz I am super KNS. hur-hur-hur..... MMmmmm... and what should be my reply if a guy really said that?!?!?!? hmmmm...... (A) I should either just smile coyly and flap those eyelids and flirt at him while licking my lips and twirling my hair with my fingers......(*puke*) .. OR .. (B) I should say in a manly voice, "... wah liu errrrh...yentao lu gong simi sai ah? wah Aunty buay hiao ungllerstandings ang moh, berry berry cheem... " WAHHAHAHAHAHA.. Ok OK... last one.. (C) I should say... in a seductive voice with an american slang... ".. Awww... how sweet of you to say that.. but well of course I'm here so that a sexy hunk like you can busk in my presence for the eternity of 5 minutes... " and then let him kiss the back of my hand. YES??? Does that sound better? Alrightttty! I'm all set for speed dating. Teeheehee... OH~ what should I wear?
Had lunch with Paul today, and its really so so so so so so so so nice. Sigh~ I really enjoy his company. He's got a wonderful talent~ and its really too bad he gotta rush off. It's lunch, DUH.... and I have only finish half my story... (poor Paul, it must have been a narrow escape, teeheehee... ). I love my victims. I must treat them well and keep them alive. It's hard to find people you can really enjoy talking to / talking with nowadays -- especially happy victims. *evil laugh* Chemistry is so important. Oh, and yes, what was the new word he used to describe me today????? ..... Oh yes... I'm prejudiced. heeheeheee... so now that word is added to the list of words that describe me : I'm anal, cynical, prideful, egoistic, stubborn, fussy, shallow, self-centered, bitchy and prejudiced. Hey, that don't make me look too beautiful, but I am beginning to feel attracted to this bitchy personality of mine. Now I just need to find someone else who like it too (well, hope its not too hard!).
This evening I'm gonna go get some coloring done for my hair and hopefully I'll walk out a more gorgeous babe (with an even greater negative net-worth *_*), but hey, I promise to love myself this year!! Better look good enough for ME to love it, eh? And yes, need to gym gym gym, but that will take 6 months to see results. Was eyeing the XANDO promotion at Watson earlier.... really tempting, for S$215 you get 2 boxes of Xando X-Fat and a box of Xando Trim Tummy or whatever.... and it promise you a flatter tummy, just want I need! Sigh~ nahhhh... I know I know.. I'll just be throwing cash away. It's not gonna be miraculous. The returns will not be obvious, perhaps just did not increase in weight and circumference and body mass after finishing those boxes of pills. Heh. Right now at least I've met a guy who is happy to bring me out on dates, and don't seem to mind that I'm FAT (not sure if he's being honest) ... he just says I'm on the "fleshy" side but likes me together with my fats, including the "love-handles", heh heh heh... that is quite nice of him. Will keep him for one more day.
Was just informed by my boss that the final rounds of interview for the Regional HC Ops Generalist job will be this Friday. By next week I'll know if I get to stay with the company or not, otherwise, I'll just be working here till mid-Feb. *sob-sob* .... This is really nerve-wrecking. Hope I will pull through. I've been interviewed so far by the Head of Global HC Operations who sits in New York, and 2 other Regional HC Ops Managers from New York and London. So I have cleared the 1st and 2nd rounds and this Friday will be the last, to be interviewed by 2 others - a Director plus a Consultant from the Singapore office. Boy oh boy~ I really need all the favour and grace and prayer I could get!! I'm up against another strong external candidate for this position and we're both in the final rounds and I wish I know how the rating compares. Geez, honestly I really do not have any confidence if I'll get the job. Being here for 4 months does not give be leverage or special favours from the hiring people. Would really have to start preparing myself for the worse. Be prepared to tighten my belt (right now no belt is long enough and all my pants are too tight for me, I just wear my belt of fats! hahahaha... ok, lame... I know...) and start to cut down expenses again. No job = No pay. Actually, I have already started that a week ago. Ohhhhh!!!!!!!! BAH!!!! I would really really want to have the job (FOR THE SAKE OF THE MONEY)!!!!! Really need the steady income and hope to perform up to expectations for the job (whether I like it or not, and whether people like me or not).
OKee.. now back to work and looking busy. :-)
17/01 . To V or not to V
Heez. First Class Procrastinator ~~ yeah, that's me. OOPS I DID IT AGAIN!
It's been 12 days (that's almost 2 weeks) since I last did any real blogging, and so much has been happening, and I have been so successful at ONE THING - Procrastinating. I've been dating and chatting and drinking and clubbing and getting interviewed for the job and putting on weight and putting off gym. YAH. and I have not been blogging.
This morning's weight has reached a new 61kg. ARGGGGH. GYM GYM GYM!!! I had to start GYM. But somehow, it just can't get started. DIET? yah, I tried. Had papaya juice for lunch one day, and that's all. And that night, I pigged out for dinner. So that failed too....
Anyway, I will try to recap and blog things down soon. My experiences with Rand has been interesting... from me being most shallow, to warming up to him and to getting high after drinks and kissed and held and touched - life has been exciting and interesting. No, he's not gonna be my first boyfriend yet. Though he is really really nice to me, I don't find myself really attracted to him. But there's no absolutes..... sigh... but I think I gotta slow things down a bit....... and not go into physical things too quick with any guy. Need to watch it and don't get too high or drunk while out on dates. *_* Any guy becomes delicious after a few drinks ~ hahahahaha
Was out tonight with a bunch of colleagues, and we had dinner at "Carnivore ", a Brazillian restaurant at CHIJMES. After dinner, I went Jazz@SouthBridge with 2 of the guys for drinks and music. During which, we discussed an interesting topic. I've been polling my guy friends on this subject and interestingly, their responses surprised me. I asked them "If you have to choose between 2 women, all else being equal, except for that one is a virgin (inexperienced in sex) and the other a non-virgin (experienced in sex), which woman would you choose? And you as a modern man, would you mind if the girl you're going out with is NOT a virgin (having sexual history with other men in ex-relationships)?". So far, of the 8 guys I posed this question to, only 1 said he would choose virgin, yet he will not mind if she is a non-virgin, because everyone has their past. Anyway, he's a Christian - and he shared that he used to sleep with his ex-girlfriends, but when he met his wife, he deeply respected her for keeping her virginity for him till they married.
And I had fully expected these 2 guys - one a Scottish, and the other a Canadian Chinese - to say they'd prefer experienced women and don't mind non-Vs. To my surprise, the Scottish said that he'll ABSOLUTELY choose the Virgin - bcoz virgins are the ultimate conquest. And its really funny when he elaborated on how ego-bruising it would be if you're dating a girl and your friend pulls you aside and tells you that he has slept with her before and tells you that there is nothing you will come to know about her that he already don't, or whether she's easy or good at certain techniques or blah blah blah... That is so refreshing, heh-heh, he told me that guys would go for the best cards and choose the virgin who would be the slut in bed for themselves only. The Canadian says he'll definitely prefer the virgin and so would 99.999999% of men !! - bcos even though a woman might be a virgin, that does not necessary mean that she won't be good in bed, she's only inexperienced but she can always be 'taught' to master sexual skills. But BOTH agrees that they won't mind a non-virgin at all, because its a given in this modern day society that most women are non-virgins at a certain age range. The rest of the men whom I've explored this topic with says they prefer experienced women because to them, sex is vital to the quality of the relationship, and sexual compatibility is important -- and you can only find out the compatability rate through sex activities blah blah blah.... and of course they do not mind a non-virgin.
Hmmmmm..... so.... if men no longer mind if the girl they're dating is a non-virgin, then why would a woman need to maintain her state of virginity when it is nolonger esteemed and valued or required? This needs deep consideration. In the past, during our fathers' days when policemen wears shorts, men will only marry virgins. Women will commit suicide if they've lost their virginity, or they might be denied their marriage by the future mother in laws if they were 'tested' to be non-virgins. Women are made to feel 2nd-class and not esteemed once they've lot their V-status. But TODAY.... it is a totally different paradigm. Women don't really have to fear rejection if they are nolonger a virgin. The only factor is whether their sexual history is deemed acceptable or non-acceptable. If she sleeps around with any men she met at the bar and with whomever's friends ... one night stands, no strings attached etc.. then her sexual history is not acceptable (says the Scottish guy) when it comes to considering her as a girlfriend or mate.
So, am I being stupid by wanting to keep it for the man who would marry me? I mean, I have viewed my virginity as "priceless" and as a "gift"... (but of course, also the fact that fornification is a sin in the sight of God) but if the men in society can't be bothered if I am still a virgin or not, and worse --they actually felt turn on and have preference for someone 'more experienced in bed', then wouldn't it be stupid and a waste of me to suppress my passion and sexual desires to "keep it till the end"? SIGH. What are the stakes in going into sexual relationship with a man whom you are mutually attracted to? Or even just for a fling (so as to know how sex is like)..... ??? Boy I am curious. And yes, I am seriously thinking of forgetting about all the sex-after-marriage rules and not eating the forbidden fruit. But also, NO WAY am I'm gonna lose my first time to any Tom, Dick or Harry. He definitely gotta be worth it. Muahahahhaa.... will have to choose my Alfa male. Hmmmm.... slurp slurp~
Anyway, that's just late night talk for me. No conclusion reached. For my dear friends who're reading this please do feel free to let me know your thoughts on this subject! ^^,
Will I still be a virgin by 31st December 2006? Woohoooooo......~ Maybe it won't even last past 14 Feb. WAH HA HA HA HA HA..... time for some dreaming.
It's been 12 days (that's almost 2 weeks) since I last did any real blogging, and so much has been happening, and I have been so successful at ONE THING - Procrastinating. I've been dating and chatting and drinking and clubbing and getting interviewed for the job and putting on weight and putting off gym. YAH. and I have not been blogging.
This morning's weight has reached a new 61kg. ARGGGGH. GYM GYM GYM!!! I had to start GYM. But somehow, it just can't get started. DIET? yah, I tried. Had papaya juice for lunch one day, and that's all. And that night, I pigged out for dinner. So that failed too....
Anyway, I will try to recap and blog things down soon. My experiences with Rand has been interesting... from me being most shallow, to warming up to him and to getting high after drinks and kissed and held and touched - life has been exciting and interesting. No, he's not gonna be my first boyfriend yet. Though he is really really nice to me, I don't find myself really attracted to him. But there's no absolutes..... sigh... but I think I gotta slow things down a bit....... and not go into physical things too quick with any guy. Need to watch it and don't get too high or drunk while out on dates. *_* Any guy becomes delicious after a few drinks ~ hahahahaha
Was out tonight with a bunch of colleagues, and we had dinner at "Carnivore ", a Brazillian restaurant at CHIJMES. After dinner, I went Jazz@SouthBridge with 2 of the guys for drinks and music. During which, we discussed an interesting topic. I've been polling my guy friends on this subject and interestingly, their responses surprised me. I asked them "If you have to choose between 2 women, all else being equal, except for that one is a virgin (inexperienced in sex) and the other a non-virgin (experienced in sex), which woman would you choose? And you as a modern man, would you mind if the girl you're going out with is NOT a virgin (having sexual history with other men in ex-relationships)?". So far, of the 8 guys I posed this question to, only 1 said he would choose virgin, yet he will not mind if she is a non-virgin, because everyone has their past. Anyway, he's a Christian - and he shared that he used to sleep with his ex-girlfriends, but when he met his wife, he deeply respected her for keeping her virginity for him till they married.
And I had fully expected these 2 guys - one a Scottish, and the other a Canadian Chinese - to say they'd prefer experienced women and don't mind non-Vs. To my surprise, the Scottish said that he'll ABSOLUTELY choose the Virgin - bcoz virgins are the ultimate conquest. And its really funny when he elaborated on how ego-bruising it would be if you're dating a girl and your friend pulls you aside and tells you that he has slept with her before and tells you that there is nothing you will come to know about her that he already don't, or whether she's easy or good at certain techniques or blah blah blah... That is so refreshing, heh-heh, he told me that guys would go for the best cards and choose the virgin who would be the slut in bed for themselves only. The Canadian says he'll definitely prefer the virgin and so would 99.999999% of men !! - bcos even though a woman might be a virgin, that does not necessary mean that she won't be good in bed, she's only inexperienced but she can always be 'taught' to master sexual skills. But BOTH agrees that they won't mind a non-virgin at all, because its a given in this modern day society that most women are non-virgins at a certain age range. The rest of the men whom I've explored this topic with says they prefer experienced women because to them, sex is vital to the quality of the relationship, and sexual compatibility is important -- and you can only find out the compatability rate through sex activities blah blah blah.... and of course they do not mind a non-virgin.
Hmmmmm..... so.... if men no longer mind if the girl they're dating is a non-virgin, then why would a woman need to maintain her state of virginity when it is nolonger esteemed and valued or required? This needs deep consideration. In the past, during our fathers' days when policemen wears shorts, men will only marry virgins. Women will commit suicide if they've lost their virginity, or they might be denied their marriage by the future mother in laws if they were 'tested' to be non-virgins. Women are made to feel 2nd-class and not esteemed once they've lot their V-status. But TODAY.... it is a totally different paradigm. Women don't really have to fear rejection if they are nolonger a virgin. The only factor is whether their sexual history is deemed acceptable or non-acceptable. If she sleeps around with any men she met at the bar and with whomever's friends ... one night stands, no strings attached etc.. then her sexual history is not acceptable (says the Scottish guy) when it comes to considering her as a girlfriend or mate.
So, am I being stupid by wanting to keep it for the man who would marry me? I mean, I have viewed my virginity as "priceless" and as a "gift"... (but of course, also the fact that fornification is a sin in the sight of God) but if the men in society can't be bothered if I am still a virgin or not, and worse --they actually felt turn on and have preference for someone 'more experienced in bed', then wouldn't it be stupid and a waste of me to suppress my passion and sexual desires to "keep it till the end"? SIGH. What are the stakes in going into sexual relationship with a man whom you are mutually attracted to? Or even just for a fling (so as to know how sex is like)..... ??? Boy I am curious. And yes, I am seriously thinking of forgetting about all the sex-after-marriage rules and not eating the forbidden fruit. But also, NO WAY am I'm gonna lose my first time to any Tom, Dick or Harry. He definitely gotta be worth it. Muahahahhaa.... will have to choose my Alfa male. Hmmmm.... slurp slurp~
Anyway, that's just late night talk for me. No conclusion reached. For my dear friends who're reading this please do feel free to let me know your thoughts on this subject! ^^,
Will I still be a virgin by 31st December 2006? Woohoooooo......~ Maybe it won't even last past 14 Feb. WAH HA HA HA HA HA..... time for some dreaming.
Friday, January 06, 2006
06/01 . Bevaart.com
Hey, a new colleague who recently relocated to Singapore was talking about this site, fully amused : www.bevaart.com
This Dutch guy (I think) is quite funny, and for anyone who'd like a peek into interesting perspectives about life in Singapore, visit it and have fun. heh heh heh... I like his "About Arne", had great fun reading it.
Meanwhile, here's a snippet from his site on Culture Shock in Singapore :
http://www.bevaart.com/cultureshock/
It's a list of 239 items for "you know you've been in Singapore for too long when...."
Ok. back to work. (*work? what work?)
And yes, I did some playing around with the template settings and experimental fine-tuning to my blog display... looking more cheerie now! The previous dull colors were such an eye-sore (though soothing in some ways). heh.
This Dutch guy (I think) is quite funny, and for anyone who'd like a peek into interesting perspectives about life in Singapore, visit it and have fun. heh heh heh... I like his "About Arne", had great fun reading it.
Meanwhile, here's a snippet from his site on Culture Shock in Singapore :
http://www.bevaart.com/cultureshock/
It's a list of 239 items for "you know you've been in Singapore for too long when...."
Ok. back to work. (*work? what work?)
And yes, I did some playing around with the template settings and experimental fine-tuning to my blog display... looking more cheerie now! The previous dull colors were such an eye-sore (though soothing in some ways). heh.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
05/01 . Whatever!
Ahhh~ finally some time to catch up on blogging. Still haven't got the whole piece done on the Christmas week. So many precious memories to archive.... Must not procrastinate!!!!
Anyway, I've been busy for the past 2 days: at work, and meeting up with Rand. I've also have insomnia for the past 3 nights, with some heart palpitations and just couldn't get to sleep. I did not have coffee near bedtime, instead I had been having lots of alcohol. Could it be the alcohol? Anyway, while trying to sleep, the best I did was to drift off in some semi-consciousness state near dawn and having wierd dreams. One dream had me discovering another pair of hands are growing out of my body, like deformed and wrapped around my waist, fingers dangling off. Eeek. And I remembered in my dream that I sort of realised "Oh~ that' why I look fat, because of the extra arms wrapping around me like a spare tyre" and was showing my mum and an Aunt the hands. hahahahha.... And in last nite's dream I was in a music class of some sort, and was feeling hurt because I was playing the instrument a little too loud and got told off by the teacher, while my "friend" (donno who) beside me chided me bcoz she felt embarassed and ashamed of me. What kind of friend is that? GAH. Unpleasant dreams, hate them. Better blow them away. *fooooff~ foooff~~ * DONE. And........ I think exercise would help in sleeping better... Hmmmm...
Heh~ *blush* Speaking of exercise, its been 5 days past new year and I've not yet made it to the gym. OK let's see who can I blame.... YES!!! *snap finger* Was supposed to do gym last night right after work, but something unforseen happened at the office (IT server room overheating and London office called and Contractors came to solve but can't get in bcoz IT guy in KL and the only other person who has access can't be here till past 8pm) and so I had to stay in the office till 9pm on standby for action and assistance. In the meanwhile, Rand was relentless in asking me out for dinner, which I eventually gave in. (Will talk about it later). Uuuuhhhhhh...... MUST get to gym tonight, even if just for a nice steam bath and shower. heh heh heh..
Salsa dancing class did not happen. Called Jitterbugs, and they regret to inform me that the class is currently closed to ladies i.e. no more ladies allowed to join the class ~~ they do not have enough guys for the class, hence will only accept guys or couples. Right now, the class already has 8 ladies and 4 guys. Hmmm.... So, 2 ladies to a guy? WOW. Anyways, will have to discuss with Shirl when she's back in town if she'd like to sign up for the next class. Someone was suggesting Belly Dancing. Yah rite~ If I'm there, I'd be Belly Bouncing or Belly Jiggling. *giggle*
My precious precious dear dear brother, wonder how is he coping, having to handle 3 women and a baby on top of everything else. TOUGH SHIT! Wish there's something concrete I could do to help. *_* Meanwhile, it's just nice thoughts and lips service from big sis, heh. But I am hopeless with babies currently, still have not carried Baby David. Even when I'm at his place, all I did was create more work, e.g. dispersing beads all over the floor for everyone to pick up. hahahahhaa... I think, I can help by not getting into any trouble that'll cause him any worry. Otherwise, he'll have 4 women and a baby to handle on top of everything else. hur-hur... Will have to keep him in prayer. It's amazing how my love for others bring me to my knees before God. :o) I know Prayer WORKS. God cares and God is able. Amen! That's probably the least and also the most important thing I could do, I guess. I hope mum will be appeased soon. She was crying last night, totally upset and feeling hurt and sensitive about some domestic issues, and had been cooping it all up within her till dad innocently set it off and she ranted and raved at the top of her quivering voice. (and I was quietly sipping some red wine in the kitchen when she blew up). Poor dad, he sure treaded on landmine. heh-heh-heh......
Got a call from M this morning, caught off guard as it is from a 'withheld' call. So I have no idea who's calling, thinking it could either be a bank or from IJL calling to set me up for another hot date (yeah, it's about time isn't it?). ARGH. Anyway, I was my friendly self (but on full defence alert), and she asked how are you... how's things with you... are you free now to talk.., and I said, yeah..I'm fine, everything's OK.. not free to talk.. about to leave for work.. yah yah.. really I'm fine and doing well....happy..yeah. And she asked ..Can we meet to talk soon or have a drink.. don't worry...I just want to know how things are with you... and what's been happening in your life...... Whoa ~ I'm so not ready for this. I really appreciate the call, because I know she cares for me, but really, I'm not ready to talk anything. I hate to be cornered and I feel seriously threatened. Why, O why do I feel this way? I said, .. mmmm.... no lah... I don't think so.. yah.. I don't .. I don't think want to talk.. I'm fine and I'm OK. And she start to ask pressing questions again. This is really difficult for me. She asked why? why can't we just talk? don't you feel this is strange? we were like so close before and can talk anything but why now you just suddenly don't want to meet don't want to talk... blah blah blah...? And at that moment, I nearly feel like bursting again, just wanna hang up, feeling the pressure and obligation. So I just said, it's not you.. please M, it's really not that I'm holding anything against you, I just need more time away... and I gotta go~ sorry and byes. And I'm glad she also said OK, bye, and we hung up.
SIGH~ I feel so bad about it. And I ask myself, am I being a hypocrite? I just can't be too honest can't I? And I know she's not the issue, its just me - I wanna break free and I need my space. Yet I can't tell her straight- why? do I feel ashamed? Or what? Do I need to tell her, like a responsibility?? And on the other hand, I know I would be very very puzzled and hurt and tormented, and may even go off-tangent if a friend whom I thought is close to me, who was open in sharing and supportive and encouraging suddenly just shut me out of her life. Annie, an ex-colleague/friend did that to me before, and up till today, I have no idea what happened and why, and it was very very traumatic for me. I cried and cried over it and got myself very humiliated in public when I tried to ask her for the reasons of her sudden behaviour. She was cruel.... and I never want to see Annie again, though she tried contacting me a year later... because my heart just ache and I know I would need answers and can never pretend that I'm cool with just looking forward and not pursuing it any further. Now, I am doing this to M. For sure I feel lousy about it, shutting her out. Sigh~ Sigh~ Sigh~.......
I guess, I really don't mind meeting M to chat as friends, but I anticipate that she'll want to pry into my life, what have I been doing and my values and challenge me or question me or pursuade me - I really don't want to feel that I owe her a report. I told her I'm fine and I'm happy, and that should be good enough. I'm happy right now and getting comfortable, adjusting with my "new" life. I am looking forward to the new things and new people and new challenges of the year, and I choose to inform whom I wish. Heh, you guys who are reading this blog now are the "chosen ones"! I don't anticipate that I'll be comfortable telling M that I'm going clubbing, going pubbing, meeting new friends and dating men I knew from the internet or wherever, and how I want to live my life for now and what makes me feel happy, and what are my true opinions of things etc., because ... I feel that she might judge me. I don't have the assurance that she could share my happiness and victories, nor agree with how I've decided to prioritise and live out my life currently. That's not fair to her because I'm making assumptions and not giving her a chance, of course, but I do have some intuitions. So, I'd rather not.
OK, good to get this off my chest. Well, the 1st not-so-happy entry for 2006. Heh, but not too bad, my spirits are still high! And I refuse to let these things drag me down. I've made it a resolution NOT to let myself go depressed, and to fight it. YES. Happiness is a choice. (theory, theory, theory.....)
Will talk about Rand soon. -_- When it is over. (hahahahahhaa.... so bad.)
Anyway, I've been busy for the past 2 days: at work, and meeting up with Rand. I've also have insomnia for the past 3 nights, with some heart palpitations and just couldn't get to sleep. I did not have coffee near bedtime, instead I had been having lots of alcohol. Could it be the alcohol? Anyway, while trying to sleep, the best I did was to drift off in some semi-consciousness state near dawn and having wierd dreams. One dream had me discovering another pair of hands are growing out of my body, like deformed and wrapped around my waist, fingers dangling off. Eeek. And I remembered in my dream that I sort of realised "Oh~ that' why I look fat, because of the extra arms wrapping around me like a spare tyre" and was showing my mum and an Aunt the hands. hahahahha.... And in last nite's dream I was in a music class of some sort, and was feeling hurt because I was playing the instrument a little too loud and got told off by the teacher, while my "friend" (donno who) beside me chided me bcoz she felt embarassed and ashamed of me. What kind of friend is that? GAH. Unpleasant dreams, hate them. Better blow them away. *fooooff~ foooff~~ * DONE. And........ I think exercise would help in sleeping better... Hmmmm...
Heh~ *blush* Speaking of exercise, its been 5 days past new year and I've not yet made it to the gym. OK let's see who can I blame.... YES!!! *snap finger* Was supposed to do gym last night right after work, but something unforseen happened at the office (IT server room overheating and London office called and Contractors came to solve but can't get in bcoz IT guy in KL and the only other person who has access can't be here till past 8pm) and so I had to stay in the office till 9pm on standby for action and assistance. In the meanwhile, Rand was relentless in asking me out for dinner, which I eventually gave in. (Will talk about it later). Uuuuhhhhhh...... MUST get to gym tonight, even if just for a nice steam bath and shower. heh heh heh..
Salsa dancing class did not happen. Called Jitterbugs, and they regret to inform me that the class is currently closed to ladies i.e. no more ladies allowed to join the class ~~ they do not have enough guys for the class, hence will only accept guys or couples. Right now, the class already has 8 ladies and 4 guys. Hmmm.... So, 2 ladies to a guy? WOW. Anyways, will have to discuss with Shirl when she's back in town if she'd like to sign up for the next class. Someone was suggesting Belly Dancing. Yah rite~ If I'm there, I'd be Belly Bouncing or Belly Jiggling. *giggle*
My precious precious dear dear brother, wonder how is he coping, having to handle 3 women and a baby on top of everything else. TOUGH SHIT! Wish there's something concrete I could do to help. *_* Meanwhile, it's just nice thoughts and lips service from big sis, heh. But I am hopeless with babies currently, still have not carried Baby David. Even when I'm at his place, all I did was create more work, e.g. dispersing beads all over the floor for everyone to pick up. hahahahhaa... I think, I can help by not getting into any trouble that'll cause him any worry. Otherwise, he'll have 4 women and a baby to handle on top of everything else. hur-hur... Will have to keep him in prayer. It's amazing how my love for others bring me to my knees before God. :o) I know Prayer WORKS. God cares and God is able. Amen! That's probably the least and also the most important thing I could do, I guess. I hope mum will be appeased soon. She was crying last night, totally upset and feeling hurt and sensitive about some domestic issues, and had been cooping it all up within her till dad innocently set it off and she ranted and raved at the top of her quivering voice. (and I was quietly sipping some red wine in the kitchen when she blew up). Poor dad, he sure treaded on landmine. heh-heh-heh......
Got a call from M this morning, caught off guard as it is from a 'withheld' call. So I have no idea who's calling, thinking it could either be a bank or from IJL calling to set me up for another hot date (yeah, it's about time isn't it?). ARGH. Anyway, I was my friendly self (but on full defence alert), and she asked how are you... how's things with you... are you free now to talk.., and I said, yeah..I'm fine, everything's OK.. not free to talk.. about to leave for work.. yah yah.. really I'm fine and doing well....happy..yeah. And she asked ..Can we meet to talk soon or have a drink.. don't worry...I just want to know how things are with you... and what's been happening in your life...... Whoa ~ I'm so not ready for this. I really appreciate the call, because I know she cares for me, but really, I'm not ready to talk anything. I hate to be cornered and I feel seriously threatened. Why, O why do I feel this way? I said, .. mmmm.... no lah... I don't think so.. yah.. I don't .. I don't think want to talk.. I'm fine and I'm OK. And she start to ask pressing questions again. This is really difficult for me. She asked why? why can't we just talk? don't you feel this is strange? we were like so close before and can talk anything but why now you just suddenly don't want to meet don't want to talk... blah blah blah...? And at that moment, I nearly feel like bursting again, just wanna hang up, feeling the pressure and obligation. So I just said, it's not you.. please M, it's really not that I'm holding anything against you, I just need more time away... and I gotta go~ sorry and byes. And I'm glad she also said OK, bye, and we hung up.
SIGH~ I feel so bad about it. And I ask myself, am I being a hypocrite? I just can't be too honest can't I? And I know she's not the issue, its just me - I wanna break free and I need my space. Yet I can't tell her straight- why? do I feel ashamed? Or what? Do I need to tell her, like a responsibility?? And on the other hand, I know I would be very very puzzled and hurt and tormented, and may even go off-tangent if a friend whom I thought is close to me, who was open in sharing and supportive and encouraging suddenly just shut me out of her life. Annie, an ex-colleague/friend did that to me before, and up till today, I have no idea what happened and why, and it was very very traumatic for me. I cried and cried over it and got myself very humiliated in public when I tried to ask her for the reasons of her sudden behaviour. She was cruel.... and I never want to see Annie again, though she tried contacting me a year later... because my heart just ache and I know I would need answers and can never pretend that I'm cool with just looking forward and not pursuing it any further. Now, I am doing this to M. For sure I feel lousy about it, shutting her out. Sigh~ Sigh~ Sigh~.......
I guess, I really don't mind meeting M to chat as friends, but I anticipate that she'll want to pry into my life, what have I been doing and my values and challenge me or question me or pursuade me - I really don't want to feel that I owe her a report. I told her I'm fine and I'm happy, and that should be good enough. I'm happy right now and getting comfortable, adjusting with my "new" life. I am looking forward to the new things and new people and new challenges of the year, and I choose to inform whom I wish. Heh, you guys who are reading this blog now are the "chosen ones"! I don't anticipate that I'll be comfortable telling M that I'm going clubbing, going pubbing, meeting new friends and dating men I knew from the internet or wherever, and how I want to live my life for now and what makes me feel happy, and what are my true opinions of things etc., because ... I feel that she might judge me. I don't have the assurance that she could share my happiness and victories, nor agree with how I've decided to prioritise and live out my life currently. That's not fair to her because I'm making assumptions and not giving her a chance, of course, but I do have some intuitions. So, I'd rather not.
OK, good to get this off my chest. Well, the 1st not-so-happy entry for 2006. Heh, but not too bad, my spirits are still high! And I refuse to let these things drag me down. I've made it a resolution NOT to let myself go depressed, and to fight it. YES. Happiness is a choice. (theory, theory, theory.....)
Will talk about Rand soon. -_- When it is over. (hahahahahhaa.... so bad.)
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
03/01 . Shallow shallow shallow!
Just wanna say this:
Vivian,
You are SO shallow!!!!
*peek-piak!! peek-piak!!*
Err-err~.... i'm in trrrrrrrrouble! Oh no... Oh no...
Vivian,
You are SO shallow!!!!
*peek-piak!! peek-piak!!*
Err-err~.... i'm in trrrrrrrrouble! Oh no... Oh no...
02/01 . New Friends, Old Friends
I think I have broken through my social shyness in meeting new people, and have been expanding my social circle. Just got to know another guy from Hi5, a friendship network an ex-colleague/friend recently invited me to join. (interested? let me know and I'll send you the invite).
Why are there so many guys by the name of Raymond? So far in my recent encounters, there are already 3 Rays (who are somewhat 'significant' friends), now a fourth. Anyway, he's "Rand" for short. And we chatted on MSN today. Quite fun chatting with him for more than an hour. Exchanged numbers and he's already sending sms and saying good nitez. (Hmmmm....... I've gotta be careful not to be swept away by the attention, reference point = Tim). We're gonna meet for dinner tomorrow (after his gym...... yes - he wanna go gym first before meeting me so that he "look good" hahahahaa... says that his stomach will look smaller after the workout), Hem-hem-hem... will be interesting to meet up with this guy! Heh....
Went to a BBQ at my friend's place in Clementi around 8pm. They are my friends cum ex-colleagues and this must be almost the 4th time I'm invited to join them for BBQ or outing. I've not been able to make it so far (heh-heh.... excuses excuses...). Surprisingly, I actually had a really nice time catching up with them and really glad I went (heh, was thinking of no-show again, feeling really lazy and I've always dreaded BBQs). The BBQ food was bearable, except for the Otah which was really fantastic! So I helped myself to a few. The fried rice ET bought was also delicious and I had about 5 servings, no wonder I was so bloated and almost couldn't breathe. After the kids and 'others' were gone, Betty & her husband stayed behind with ET & me, and we had some beers and red wine and chat chat chat... It was raining earlier and the night was really cool, with some drizzles and breeze. We chatted till about 10.45pm and left around 11pm. :-)
Awww... and I think to myself, these moments are so precious, and I am glad I had not given in to my laziness and dread for BBQs. As I always say, its not the food or the restaurant, it's whom you're with that counts. And I'm reminded that there are people in our lives who esteemed us and treasure us and valued our friendship more than we realised. And we should never take it for granted. This year, I will need to make it a point to recover, maintain or build these friendships with people around me. And I must really call up some of my old colleagues and friends whom I've promised to keep in touch but never did. I really meant it when I made those promises, and did stay in touch for a while, however, it just got lesser and lesser till forgotten. And yes I confess, I've been really lazy and self-centered.
But sometimes I wonder, do these people really bother about me too? Well, they've moved on with their lives too y'know, and probably it makes no difference to them if I'm actively in their lives. Hmmm..... I think it's so so so wrong in assuming things that way. Tsk tsk tsk... *shake head* Well then, it doesn't matter if people bothered, I'm just thinking too much eh? Anyway I am good at my "critical evaluations" and re-catorization and re-valuing of people and relationships, hahaha... and so if I did make the efforts to get in touch with these people again and got a lousy cold respond in return, I'll just ding them for good. At least I've tried. :)
Tomorrow is back to business as usual again - back to office. Will try to go gym after work. Oh yes, and had to remember to call Jitterbugs about the Salsa classes starting Jan 4th. Signing up with Shirl - Oh yes!!!! Was telling her I wanna do something new and different this year by maybe signing up for some lessons on photography or dancing, so immediately she asked if I wanna join her for Salsa lessons, I agreed immediately!! But~ she won't be able to make it to the first lesson (which is tomorrow - if we're able to get ourselves registered), and this means... I have to go alone. Oh duh.. feel nervous liao leh, hur-hur. Be brave! Be bold! Be thick skin!!! You're gonna be fine!! You're old enough to handle it!!! GO GO GAL!!!! *_* Heh, so proud of myself, *smug smug* - my New Year Resolutions already in action.
And awwwwww..... must watch the fat and carbo consumption. Drink more water. Try to eat breakfast. Sleep early (before 1am) heeheehee... (Oh dear, not yet chomp up the remaining yummy chocs I received from christmas! and those nice maple syrup candy chocolate coated peanuts... yum yum yum...)
Wow, I'm so glad I had a wonderful day again!! YES! Let it be another wonderful day ahead!!! and for everyday of the year!
Why are there so many guys by the name of Raymond? So far in my recent encounters, there are already 3 Rays (who are somewhat 'significant' friends), now a fourth. Anyway, he's "Rand" for short. And we chatted on MSN today. Quite fun chatting with him for more than an hour. Exchanged numbers and he's already sending sms and saying good nitez. (Hmmmm....... I've gotta be careful not to be swept away by the attention, reference point = Tim). We're gonna meet for dinner tomorrow (after his gym...... yes - he wanna go gym first before meeting me so that he "look good" hahahahaa... says that his stomach will look smaller after the workout), Hem-hem-hem... will be interesting to meet up with this guy! Heh....
Went to a BBQ at my friend's place in Clementi around 8pm. They are my friends cum ex-colleagues and this must be almost the 4th time I'm invited to join them for BBQ or outing. I've not been able to make it so far (heh-heh.... excuses excuses...). Surprisingly, I actually had a really nice time catching up with them and really glad I went (heh, was thinking of no-show again, feeling really lazy and I've always dreaded BBQs). The BBQ food was bearable, except for the Otah which was really fantastic! So I helped myself to a few. The fried rice ET bought was also delicious and I had about 5 servings, no wonder I was so bloated and almost couldn't breathe. After the kids and 'others' were gone, Betty & her husband stayed behind with ET & me, and we had some beers and red wine and chat chat chat... It was raining earlier and the night was really cool, with some drizzles and breeze. We chatted till about 10.45pm and left around 11pm. :-)
Awww... and I think to myself, these moments are so precious, and I am glad I had not given in to my laziness and dread for BBQs. As I always say, its not the food or the restaurant, it's whom you're with that counts. And I'm reminded that there are people in our lives who esteemed us and treasure us and valued our friendship more than we realised. And we should never take it for granted. This year, I will need to make it a point to recover, maintain or build these friendships with people around me. And I must really call up some of my old colleagues and friends whom I've promised to keep in touch but never did. I really meant it when I made those promises, and did stay in touch for a while, however, it just got lesser and lesser till forgotten. And yes I confess, I've been really lazy and self-centered.
But sometimes I wonder, do these people really bother about me too? Well, they've moved on with their lives too y'know, and probably it makes no difference to them if I'm actively in their lives. Hmmm..... I think it's so so so wrong in assuming things that way. Tsk tsk tsk... *shake head* Well then, it doesn't matter if people bothered, I'm just thinking too much eh? Anyway I am good at my "critical evaluations" and re-catorization and re-valuing of people and relationships, hahaha... and so if I did make the efforts to get in touch with these people again and got a lousy cold respond in return, I'll just ding them for good. At least I've tried. :)
Tomorrow is back to business as usual again - back to office. Will try to go gym after work. Oh yes, and had to remember to call Jitterbugs about the Salsa classes starting Jan 4th. Signing up with Shirl - Oh yes!!!! Was telling her I wanna do something new and different this year by maybe signing up for some lessons on photography or dancing, so immediately she asked if I wanna join her for Salsa lessons, I agreed immediately!! But~ she won't be able to make it to the first lesson (which is tomorrow - if we're able to get ourselves registered), and this means... I have to go alone. Oh duh.. feel nervous liao leh, hur-hur. Be brave! Be bold! Be thick skin!!! You're gonna be fine!! You're old enough to handle it!!! GO GO GAL!!!! *_* Heh, so proud of myself, *smug smug* - my New Year Resolutions already in action.
And awwwwww..... must watch the fat and carbo consumption. Drink more water. Try to eat breakfast. Sleep early (before 1am) heeheehee... (Oh dear, not yet chomp up the remaining yummy chocs I received from christmas! and those nice maple syrup candy chocolate coated peanuts... yum yum yum...)
Wow, I'm so glad I had a wonderful day again!! YES! Let it be another wonderful day ahead!!! and for everyday of the year!
Monday, January 02, 2006
01/01 . A Splendid New Year Day!
Wow, I had such a SPLENDID New Year Day!
Woke up around noon feeling number ONE. heh. Checked emails and found a comment for my blog entry from Bir. Hey, a new friend I've just made! That made my day already!!! Procrastinated a little and got myself pretty-up and ready to meet up with Bir at Dhoby Ghaut for lunch, not sure where, but probably somewhere within Plaza Singapura. As usual, I'm late for about 15mins. Must kill this bad habit in 2006!
And yes, actually I bought 2 beady belts for S$10 each - a nice Red one and the other Dark Green. Was wanting to try out new styles. Wore the red one last nite on new years eve and by the end of the day, 2 strings of beads had broken and beads were all over George's floor and everyone were on their knees picking up the beads. I really had a talent in making people busy. hahahahaha..... Anyway, BECAUSE the red one is broken, I decided to wear the green one out today. Prefer the red one (prettier) but nevermind. Dad gave me a ride to the train station, and just as I was getting out of the car, something tugged at my trunk (ok... that's my huge waist) and nice~ I just broke my belt again. A few of the beads strings were caught in the lower handles of the seat and as I absent-mindedly got up, I destroyed it. Some minutes were spent distangling whatever's stuck on the handles, and me getting the belt off my hip. Dad was nice enough not to curse me for dispersing seeds of beads all over his car - in fact he told me to leave the whole belt in the car and he'll bring it home later. Sigh... good bye, S$20. and NO MORE STUPID BEADS for belts. Next time, iron chains or leather. GAH. *_*
Bir is much more good-looking in person than his picture, and woh~ charming big eyes! Anyway, he's 23 years old so all you kaypohs can stop whistling. We're just friends. teeheehee... Good friends. And this is not a date. He's new in town and will be staying in Singapore for good (I think), hence making new acquaintances and friends. He's cool, because he's happy to hang out with me. Anyone who's happy to hang out with me is cool. heh heh... Anyway, we went to Cafe Cartel for lunch and I had a great time. I've heard much about how Cafe Cartel sucks, but thankfully, my experience there is fine. We were there from 2.30 till 6pm and talked and talked and talked. And (er-hem) I guess I talked more than he talked. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Another victim.
After "lunch", we went to BEST-Denki and I bought a webcam and earphone/microphone for my laptop. AT LAST!!!!! - it was in my "To do" list since I got the laptop. Yippy!!!!!!! I am so excited!! (and they're installed now!) look at this pic I took with my webcam.... slightly dim because it's 3am, and I only have some side lights on. Mighty pleased. Soon, I'll be broadcasting my face around and singing love songs over the net. kekekekeke....
Awwwwww..... look at me, the "shiok" and satisfied grin that you, my friends, are familiar with huh? *smug smug* I'm so happy and satisfied. yay yay yay yay!!!
OK, back to today.
After which, I'm so thirsty (from all the talking, and Cafe Cartel don't serve water - OH so it sucks! haha~) and so we decided to look for a place to sit down and drink. I like Bir, he's spontanous and easy-going -- just like me, and we went to Clarke Quay by MRT. We took a walk down the stretch of restaurants and pubs, and finally settled at "Crazy Elephant". It was playing nice blues music (I think) and some interesting jokes flashing on Plasma TVs (or LCD TV?). Heh, the jokes are funny and some are "adult". But here's one: What does a Priest and a Christmas Tree has in common? Ans: Their balls are for decorative purposes. (Teeheehee....). I had a beer that came in a really tall glass - first time for me! And we sat there, while I enjoyed the beer the music the jokes, Bir did some reading. We spent a nice hour there and decided to go gallivanting somewhere else. Heh, interesting, for the first time in my life, I'm actually doing "bar-hopping".
We walked all the way to Boat Quay. Should have been a short route by crossing the underpass or something... but since I'm the dingbat guide, I took him on the 20 minutes route round the island. *_* It was nice and scenic.... (to be positive) and we finally made it to Boat Quay. As we walked down the stretch, an idea crossed my mind. There's this Jazz bar I've always been curious about but NEVER had the chance to check out.... it's along the outskirt of the road where people usually wait to hail down a taxi to go home (that's how the place caught my attention anyway), and we decided to check it out. (Actually, its me saying let's do this and Bir saying OK, hahahahaha...).
Jazz@SouthBridge is the name of the bar, located in the upper floor where a flight of wooden staircase leads upstairs (haha this is such bad english. Sorry ah, mow engrisp nope powerpoo). There's not many people when we arrived, around 9.15pm. We were shown to a room with a stage and seats.. and upon confirming that there will be live sessions, we made ourselves cosy at Table No. 7 (Yes, must remember - next visit, I'll call and reserve this table!). And WHOA~ what a treat we're in for! At 9.30pm, the jam session started and it was fantastic! I thoroughly enjoyed the piano bass drum pieces, and later on, we have a saxophonist who did some really smooth numbers with the band. The best treat of the night was when the 'boss' (of what?) Eddie Chan (?) joined in and played the vibraphone. WOW. AWESOME. First time I see a vibraphone (it looks like pipe organs below, and huge xylophones on top) and someone playing it. I've heard the sound before on my Synthesizer, but seeing the actual thing and someone playing it magically is another realm altogether!
The session ended at 10.45 and that's when we leave - HAPPILY. I am truly truly absolutely happy. Oh, such a wonderful day, and a wonderful way to start the year. And on the first day of 2006, I have already begun doing new things, meeting new people and doing what I've always wanted to do but never did. And I hope, for the rest of the 364 days of this year, I will hold firm to my resolutions and will look back proudly on this year and mega-grin.
Thanks, Bir - this day would not have been so wonderful if not for you!
Can't wait for tomorrow now. :-) Bed time! And I'll wake up to another beautiful day, and let there be nice surprises in my INBOX.
Cheer up, everyone! Everything's gonna be alright!!! You're gonna do just fine. Remember to love yourself more and not take things too hard. And be inspired by my victories and brave attempts, and learn from my stupid mistakes. heh heh heh ... HUGz... love ya all! muacks~ And yes... Love me, feed me and never leave me -_-
Hmmm.... stomach is growling.... oh yes hor~, we didn't have dinner. Ahhhhhh just go to sleep lah. Nite!!! ;-)
Woke up around noon feeling number ONE. heh. Checked emails and found a comment for my blog entry from Bir. Hey, a new friend I've just made! That made my day already!!! Procrastinated a little and got myself pretty-up and ready to meet up with Bir at Dhoby Ghaut for lunch, not sure where, but probably somewhere within Plaza Singapura. As usual, I'm late for about 15mins. Must kill this bad habit in 2006!
And yes, actually I bought 2 beady belts for S$10 each - a nice Red one and the other Dark Green. Was wanting to try out new styles. Wore the red one last nite on new years eve and by the end of the day, 2 strings of beads had broken and beads were all over George's floor and everyone were on their knees picking up the beads. I really had a talent in making people busy. hahahahaha..... Anyway, BECAUSE the red one is broken, I decided to wear the green one out today. Prefer the red one (prettier) but nevermind. Dad gave me a ride to the train station, and just as I was getting out of the car, something tugged at my trunk (ok... that's my huge waist) and nice~ I just broke my belt again. A few of the beads strings were caught in the lower handles of the seat and as I absent-mindedly got up, I destroyed it. Some minutes were spent distangling whatever's stuck on the handles, and me getting the belt off my hip. Dad was nice enough not to curse me for dispersing seeds of beads all over his car - in fact he told me to leave the whole belt in the car and he'll bring it home later. Sigh... good bye, S$20. and NO MORE STUPID BEADS for belts. Next time, iron chains or leather. GAH. *_*
Bir is much more good-looking in person than his picture, and woh~ charming big eyes! Anyway, he's 23 years old so all you kaypohs can stop whistling. We're just friends. teeheehee... Good friends. And this is not a date. He's new in town and will be staying in Singapore for good (I think), hence making new acquaintances and friends. He's cool, because he's happy to hang out with me. Anyone who's happy to hang out with me is cool. heh heh... Anyway, we went to Cafe Cartel for lunch and I had a great time. I've heard much about how Cafe Cartel sucks, but thankfully, my experience there is fine. We were there from 2.30 till 6pm and talked and talked and talked. And (er-hem) I guess I talked more than he talked. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Another victim.
After "lunch", we went to BEST-Denki and I bought a webcam and earphone/microphone for my laptop. AT LAST!!!!! - it was in my "To do" list since I got the laptop. Yippy!!!!!!! I am so excited!! (and they're installed now!) look at this pic I took with my webcam.... slightly dim because it's 3am, and I only have some side lights on. Mighty pleased. Soon, I'll be broadcasting my face around and singing love songs over the net. kekekekeke....
Awwwwww..... look at me, the "shiok" and satisfied grin that you, my friends, are familiar with huh? *smug smug* I'm so happy and satisfied. yay yay yay yay!!!
OK, back to today.
After which, I'm so thirsty (from all the talking, and Cafe Cartel don't serve water - OH so it sucks! haha~) and so we decided to look for a place to sit down and drink. I like Bir, he's spontanous and easy-going -- just like me, and we went to Clarke Quay by MRT. We took a walk down the stretch of restaurants and pubs, and finally settled at "Crazy Elephant". It was playing nice blues music (I think) and some interesting jokes flashing on Plasma TVs (or LCD TV?). Heh, the jokes are funny and some are "adult". But here's one: What does a Priest and a Christmas Tree has in common? Ans: Their balls are for decorative purposes. (Teeheehee....). I had a beer that came in a really tall glass - first time for me! And we sat there, while I enjoyed the beer the music the jokes, Bir did some reading. We spent a nice hour there and decided to go gallivanting somewhere else. Heh, interesting, for the first time in my life, I'm actually doing "bar-hopping".
We walked all the way to Boat Quay. Should have been a short route by crossing the underpass or something... but since I'm the dingbat guide, I took him on the 20 minutes route round the island. *_* It was nice and scenic.... (to be positive) and we finally made it to Boat Quay. As we walked down the stretch, an idea crossed my mind. There's this Jazz bar I've always been curious about but NEVER had the chance to check out.... it's along the outskirt of the road where people usually wait to hail down a taxi to go home (that's how the place caught my attention anyway), and we decided to check it out. (Actually, its me saying let's do this and Bir saying OK, hahahahaha...).
Jazz@SouthBridge is the name of the bar, located in the upper floor where a flight of wooden staircase leads upstairs (haha this is such bad english. Sorry ah, mow engrisp nope powerpoo). There's not many people when we arrived, around 9.15pm. We were shown to a room with a stage and seats.. and upon confirming that there will be live sessions, we made ourselves cosy at Table No. 7 (Yes, must remember - next visit, I'll call and reserve this table!). And WHOA~ what a treat we're in for! At 9.30pm, the jam session started and it was fantastic! I thoroughly enjoyed the piano bass drum pieces, and later on, we have a saxophonist who did some really smooth numbers with the band. The best treat of the night was when the 'boss' (of what?) Eddie Chan (?) joined in and played the vibraphone. WOW. AWESOME. First time I see a vibraphone (it looks like pipe organs below, and huge xylophones on top) and someone playing it. I've heard the sound before on my Synthesizer, but seeing the actual thing and someone playing it magically is another realm altogether!
The session ended at 10.45 and that's when we leave - HAPPILY. I am truly truly absolutely happy. Oh, such a wonderful day, and a wonderful way to start the year. And on the first day of 2006, I have already begun doing new things, meeting new people and doing what I've always wanted to do but never did. And I hope, for the rest of the 364 days of this year, I will hold firm to my resolutions and will look back proudly on this year and mega-grin.
Thanks, Bir - this day would not have been so wonderful if not for you!
Can't wait for tomorrow now. :-) Bed time! And I'll wake up to another beautiful day, and let there be nice surprises in my INBOX.
Cheer up, everyone! Everything's gonna be alright!!! You're gonna do just fine. Remember to love yourself more and not take things too hard. And be inspired by my victories and brave attempts, and learn from my stupid mistakes. heh heh heh ... HUGz... love ya all! muacks~ And yes... Love me, feed me and never leave me -_-
Hmmm.... stomach is growling.... oh yes hor~, we didn't have dinner. Ahhhhhh just go to sleep lah. Nite!!! ;-)
Sunday, January 01, 2006
01/01 . Fantastic New Year 2006
At Last!!! 1st January 2006.... Yes, the day I start anew. And 2006 will be a fantastic year for me!!! I could feel it!!!
Was at service earlier... and Pastor's message for this year end is a message of hope and encouragement, and I responded in having my "Manasseh" ... which means "forgetfulness" from the Lord. Yes, I will forget the failures in 2005, the pains and hurts and disappointments in 2005, and will not look back anymore. And yes, for the hurts and pains, I will not nurse it, I will not rehearse it, instead I will release it and let God dispurse it.
And I'm glad I went for service instead of going somewhere alone or just staying home and watch TV (was supposed to meet up with SG & gang per "tradition".. but cancelled). I had Woon on my left, and my dearest brother on my right. When we sang Auld Lang Syne, emotions just overwhelmed me as I felt so blessed, and to be with my treasured friend and family. For this year, I'm glad I've gained Woon back as a friend. We've lost touch over the years and got together again in January when she joined us for service. Many years back, she stood up for me in an awkward and painful situation when nobody else did - not even my then 2 best friends. That has an everlasting impact in my life concerning friendship. There are people you need to pay a price to keep and maintain as friends, while there are those who'll cross your path and stay for a while and move on, and those that you should just let go. I don't have many close friends. But the few which I have --I treasure them, and I know I am true to everyone whom I call a friend, and I hope that will not change. And yes, not everyone will always be a "friend" to me... sometimes, I will recategorise them (down grade) as acquaintances - yes, that's how precise and specific and anal I can be. Critical evaluations. heh-heh...
After service, we dropped by Cold Storage, where I got a bottle of Taylor's Port and another bottle of Yellow Tail Red Wine.. this time I took a "Merlot".... hem-hem-hem... not sure if I'll be able to taste the diff between a Carbanet Sauvignon and a Merlot, or a Shiraz. But hope it'll taste nice and fruity and smooth enough! We went back to Georgie's place and had dinner. Dad came by unexpectedly (to see the baby) and that's really great-- I was feeling bad that he might be spending new year eve alone at home watching TV. George had rented "The Island" DVD, and over some Port, we watched the show. In the midst of it, I felt a sense of warmth in my heart... as I looked around me. Bee, Dad, George, Woon, the baby.... and we're sitting around watching TV. It's a family again! Mum's not here, but she don't really watch TV with us usually. But I really missed the times when we're younger, to have my brother with me as we watched TV and laughed together, comment, or complain or criticize etc. *sob-sob*. Really missed that. I hope the man of my life would enjoy watching TV with me and vice versa. Companionship, I guess.
The movie ended nicely at 11.45pm, and we watched the countdown over TV. It's wonderful to be able to spend new year this way. I am happy and my heart is made glad.
May 2006 be wonderful, may I have a stable well-paid enjoyable job, may I be a better friend and have wonderful true friends, may I be fit and healthy and slimmer (heh), may I be a responsible daughter, may I finally found someone, may I discover me and love me and know that I am most wonderful, may I be brave and strong and determined, may I be matured and emotionally stable and wise, may I be happy most of the time. :)
And on Jan 4th, I will start Salsa class together with Shirl if we managed to get registered!!! Woo hoo!!!! I'm excited to start something new in my life. And I will embrace 2006 positively, with a brand new attitude. No more mooning over the lack of man in my life to make me happy (yah rite~). Happiness is not dependent on another person. No one should be responsible for my happiness. It has to come from me from within. It is a decision. Yes yes yes, its theory right now... but I will attempt at it and make it a principle in my life. I will hold my chin up, I will take steps toward happiness and well-being, I will work at things in my life that can be changed. My name is Vivian, and I am full of life.
Goodbye, 2005! Goodbye pain! Goodbye Tim! Goodbye failures! Goodbye, D-cup! (yah, I wrote this for you, you know who you are). Goodbye FATS and you unwanted 5kg!!! Goodbye depression! Goodbye lonesome and loneliness! I'm not gonna entertain and wallow in you dark clouds anymore!! I'm getting out of the miry clay, I'm walking out into the sunshine, I'm rising up and walk. Goodbye, 2005 and all the sorrow and pain.
But yes, I will bring with me my new found joys, new found friends, and my blog into 2006.
HAPPY 2006, Viv!!!
You're gonna make it!!!
Everything's gonna be alright!!!
woohooooo!!!!!
Was at service earlier... and Pastor's message for this year end is a message of hope and encouragement, and I responded in having my "Manasseh" ... which means "forgetfulness" from the Lord. Yes, I will forget the failures in 2005, the pains and hurts and disappointments in 2005, and will not look back anymore. And yes, for the hurts and pains, I will not nurse it, I will not rehearse it, instead I will release it and let God dispurse it.
And I'm glad I went for service instead of going somewhere alone or just staying home and watch TV (was supposed to meet up with SG & gang per "tradition".. but cancelled). I had Woon on my left, and my dearest brother on my right. When we sang Auld Lang Syne, emotions just overwhelmed me as I felt so blessed, and to be with my treasured friend and family. For this year, I'm glad I've gained Woon back as a friend. We've lost touch over the years and got together again in January when she joined us for service. Many years back, she stood up for me in an awkward and painful situation when nobody else did - not even my then 2 best friends. That has an everlasting impact in my life concerning friendship. There are people you need to pay a price to keep and maintain as friends, while there are those who'll cross your path and stay for a while and move on, and those that you should just let go. I don't have many close friends. But the few which I have --I treasure them, and I know I am true to everyone whom I call a friend, and I hope that will not change. And yes, not everyone will always be a "friend" to me... sometimes, I will recategorise them (down grade) as acquaintances - yes, that's how precise and specific and anal I can be. Critical evaluations. heh-heh...
After service, we dropped by Cold Storage, where I got a bottle of Taylor's Port and another bottle of Yellow Tail Red Wine.. this time I took a "Merlot".... hem-hem-hem... not sure if I'll be able to taste the diff between a Carbanet Sauvignon and a Merlot, or a Shiraz. But hope it'll taste nice and fruity and smooth enough! We went back to Georgie's place and had dinner. Dad came by unexpectedly (to see the baby) and that's really great-- I was feeling bad that he might be spending new year eve alone at home watching TV. George had rented "The Island" DVD, and over some Port, we watched the show. In the midst of it, I felt a sense of warmth in my heart... as I looked around me. Bee, Dad, George, Woon, the baby.... and we're sitting around watching TV. It's a family again! Mum's not here, but she don't really watch TV with us usually. But I really missed the times when we're younger, to have my brother with me as we watched TV and laughed together, comment, or complain or criticize etc. *sob-sob*. Really missed that. I hope the man of my life would enjoy watching TV with me and vice versa. Companionship, I guess.
The movie ended nicely at 11.45pm, and we watched the countdown over TV. It's wonderful to be able to spend new year this way. I am happy and my heart is made glad.
May 2006 be wonderful, may I have a stable well-paid enjoyable job, may I be a better friend and have wonderful true friends, may I be fit and healthy and slimmer (heh), may I be a responsible daughter, may I finally found someone, may I discover me and love me and know that I am most wonderful, may I be brave and strong and determined, may I be matured and emotionally stable and wise, may I be happy most of the time. :)
And on Jan 4th, I will start Salsa class together with Shirl if we managed to get registered!!! Woo hoo!!!! I'm excited to start something new in my life. And I will embrace 2006 positively, with a brand new attitude. No more mooning over the lack of man in my life to make me happy (yah rite~). Happiness is not dependent on another person. No one should be responsible for my happiness. It has to come from me from within. It is a decision. Yes yes yes, its theory right now... but I will attempt at it and make it a principle in my life. I will hold my chin up, I will take steps toward happiness and well-being, I will work at things in my life that can be changed. My name is Vivian, and I am full of life.
Goodbye, 2005! Goodbye pain! Goodbye Tim! Goodbye failures! Goodbye, D-cup! (yah, I wrote this for you, you know who you are). Goodbye FATS and you unwanted 5kg!!! Goodbye depression! Goodbye lonesome and loneliness! I'm not gonna entertain and wallow in you dark clouds anymore!! I'm getting out of the miry clay, I'm walking out into the sunshine, I'm rising up and walk. Goodbye, 2005 and all the sorrow and pain.
But yes, I will bring with me my new found joys, new found friends, and my blog into 2006.
HAPPY 2006, Viv!!!
You're gonna make it!!!
Everything's gonna be alright!!!
woohooooo!!!!!
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