21/02 . Moving tweetie talk again sigh..

Yes, as the title suggests, I'm moving tweetie talk, my precious blog, once again. Tweetie needs to chirp or tweet its feeble woeful cheeeps in private, this time, really away from him... something I had been dragging my feet to do. *sobs*

I think this time I am ending my contact with Paul for good.
I had still kept it open for friendship, more bcos i love him and didn't wanna just end up strangers with him, and hoping that one day our love will still come true, maybe.

But, I had a few exchanges of emails and chat with him ... sigh, and ended up in pain again.

I was soft in the knees again on Valentines day though, he sent me a really realy nice ecard, I cried when it played on screen. But after i've gotten over being emotional, I wondered if the same card was sent to Hani. OUCH.

Also, recently i started a new page in yahoo 360, and in my 1st blog post there, I wrote something that aimed at Hani. I know she will be stalking me. I was just hoping she won't find me, yet will still state my declaration asking her to get off my back, stop sneaking around for info, just ask me straight. When I drop by Carol's page to say hi to her, I do think that the possibility of Hani still surveying for me on that page is there, but I actually shake the thought off. I don't want to be intimidated anymore!!!!

However, Yes, Hani found me. She was still having surveillance on Carol's page, and saw my greeting, and found me. She saw my challenge to her, blew up, and now Paul is fearful that she'll contact me, i'll tell it all, she'll do some poison letter thing to M, and M will be hysterical, the kids will be hurt. Paul will shutdown, cut everyone off and never be in contact again.

Sigh, i guess I backed down. heart broken, shattered.

yup, he wins, they all win.

I won't ever want the kids to be hurt, and it all begins with me.

The best thing for me to do, is to disappear from his life. No he don't want that, but NOW it is me who wants it.

He is now a source of emotional toxic to me. Hani and him. I need to detox and breathe again. Its an abusive relationship. He is manipulating me but he don't know it. He was telling me that he is not stopping me, bcos he understand, but those will be the consequences... etc. HAH! that is blackmail and that is manipulation. But yes, i surrender. You don't hurt the people you claim to love. I won't hurt him. By me vanishing, everything will be just fine for him. And for me, I will be happier again. He made me happy with his love, but now things have changed. He admitted to still having feelings for Hani, a connection he can't define. She's someone he never wanna lose. He felt he love me more and also has the special connection. Sigh, sorry, i want to be loved exclusively. I don't want this relationship anymore, not even friendship. Can i really be successful in walking out this time? I hope. I hope I have the will to do so.

I wanted to delete Yahoo 360 again that night. But I guess, I will bet on Hani not contacting me. If she did, I'll just have to ignore her. As for 360, I think I can still make new friends and good friends without her shadow hovering...... I'll still keep it.

As for this blog, I decided to move it again. I need to pour my heart out without fearing I'll hurt him if he reads this. sigh.

I'm sad for me. I'm sorry for me.

Hopefully I'll be happy and glad for me soon for ending it all. Finally.

Urgh, there's still the Valentines Day card he sent on the way, it'll arrive probably this weekend.... and the box of gifts sent from his kids. And perhaps the Locket he bought for me. I guess I need to be connected at least to send my thanks... When I'm done saying my thank yous... I will vanish. I will stay away from him.

Apathy starts today.