07/05 . Happy Mother's Day!

Dearest Mummy,

Today is Mother's day!!!!! and I wanna tell you this :

I love ya, Mummy!
Thanks for all that you've done for me.....

I have been a great source of worry for you, and have caused you much pain. I really wish I could make you truly happy for me and be free of anxieties that kept you sighing for me.

Thank you for the S$50,ooo (and more) that you've loaned to help me through the most foolish debt of my life... I will not lend money to people beyond my means again. It was foolish of me, so foolish ... that all my earnings had been channeled into paying this debt incurred to help out in another entity's situation. But I'm so glad... in a few monthz time I would have repaid all that I've owed you, making me debt free and then I can start giving you and dad some love gifts, heh.... so sorry for the past 10 years I've not been able to give to you and dad like all children do...

But I know you're so glad and comforted.. that I've finally found a new permanent job - and get opportunities to travel to Europe! Sorry for making you worry so much about my career and livelihood and source of income. You know I have no savings right now and hence no finances to cover me if there should be any crisis, and you know I don't have good money-sense and is always too generous, hehehehe... that's why you're always nagging at me and reminding me NEVER to loan money or lend money again - despite knowing I will loose my patience to listen and scowl (black face) and be stubborn.

Nevertheless, I too, hope to make this new job successful...., I promise, I will do my best to perform at work and put on my best attitude and be resilent during tough hours. So far I've been truely happy at work, mum - not like the previous few permanent jobs. The folks seems to like me and I feel I can blend in and get along with them. The bosses are quite fair, treats me nice nice and the environment is so far so positive. I feel motivated though there's really a lot of things for me to handle and some of which I have no idea how to do it. It does seem that long hours might again be expected for this job, but NO WORRIES, MUM! I will still try to find time to go out and "park tor" and try to make more friends (men). I know you're always kind of disappointed when you realise I'm going out with my girlfriends instead of going out on a date. hehehe....

I know you're worried too, that at this age of thirty plus four (and will turn 1 year older by end of the year....) I still have not found a man to love, nor have met anyone who would take good loving care of your silly goofy stubborn naive lazy endearing guilable pui-pui and .... blah blah blah~... daughter. You're worried about the new friends I'm making from the internet and you're worried that these are freaks and wolves who will take advantage of me or ruin me. Sigh.. and yes, mum.... indeed...., I've really met some freaks & perverts so far, and do felt quite disappointed too. And I dare not tell you... that my heart has been broken by one of them (my own fault lah..) and I know that from day 1 when I mention to you about him you were already disapproving of it. And when my heart & emotions are in turmoil and bleeding.. I had a hard time hiding it - I know you could tell it from my body language and my sighing (which I was not even conscious of) that something is bothering me. I'm sorry about my lousy defensive attitude when you try to probe.. I told you I'm just feeling kindof bad tempered due to the warm humid weather... because I know you will be upset with me being such a silly fool and curse that bastard if I tell you all about it.

Anyway, finally I did tell you about it, though I say its cool, its over, no loss and don't worry, I felt such devastation. But I guess you could only see me acting nonchalent about it..like it is nothing, so cool, wah your daughter so cool and in control.. Hmmm..... Sigh~.. By the way, THAT is the first "pseudo-relationship" of my life, mum. I did had some romantic good times, but the rest are really bad. It hurts me that I had to hide it from you.. it pains me that I can't run home and tell you all about how wonderful this guy is or how much I'm hurting bcos of him.. I cried and cried and cried rivers of tears at night in my room feeling so confused and abandoned and worthless and mistreated... yet knowing its not true that I'm worthless -- and no man who made me feel this way is worthy of me, and I wish.. someone.. or you.. could come and hug me and tell me its alright. I just don't know how to tell you. maybe I just don't want you to worry.. I know you will be on my side. Really, I do wish to make you my best friend , but .. I wish I know how ... but I will try..

And dear mummy, I do really wish to meet someone whom you will like too, someone you'll be proud that your daughter is seeing or eventually marrying. I know you're not the superficial kind of mum but all you wanted for me is my happiness. Your opinion and approval do meant a lot to me, that's why sometimes, I filter information that might shed a negative light on the friends I'm going out with - especially the men I'm dating - and especially if I knew them from the internet. But its true, so far, other than a few - the rest are a disappointing lot. I do admit, I am beginning to get disillusioned. But thank you for not rushing me. Thank you for not using any words on me that devalue me for being unmarried and unattached at this age.

Hahahaa... I still remember your words, when you ask me am I really sooOOOoooo pathetic that no men EVER took an attraction to me??!!?? It was such disbelief you had. But I am happy to tell you, mum, that yes - recently there's been quite a few men who was attracted to me -- however I did not pursue anything with them (except one, of course) because they seem unreliable and are men looking for flings, or have some freak fantasies they're looking to me to help satisfy. Men that are questionable. I dare not tell you that I even dated an Indian man and went for a movie. He expressed attraction for me, said he has fallen for me and that I "turn him on". And he asked me to join him for a drive up to Malaysia for the weekend. Of course I turn him down!!!! I'm not such a woman - I still want to guard my reputation. As for the UK guy, I know you're rather excited that I'm going to date an angmoh, and was rather disappointed that I didn't really like him. Yes, I told you he was too mushy mushy, but I didn't tell you, mum, that all he want from me is a good blowjob throughout his life!!!!! That he will provide me emotional & material support or "love" and companionship, ONLY if I'm happy to cuddle up like a little girl and suck his d*** like a milk bottle and drink his milk everyday, plus some other quirks.. HOW DO I TELL YOU ALL THESE!!!!????? Sheesh~ No way I wanna be "loved" for the sole reason for being a world-class cocksucker! You've given me more and greater gifts than that!!! I have a much greater sense of worth and dignity than that!!! WTF!!!

I have lots of guys who wrote me from a few internet friendship sites, but most of them are just in love with my photo, I think. They will tell me they love my smile and want to be friends... oh how shallow. But can't really blame them, I did put my nice sweet pictures (can't bear to post my worse pics of course!!!~ I may look stupid but I am not stupid! hur-hur~) And yah, I know... you're worried that if I continue to put on weight, I'll be so fat and ugly and no men will pay me any attention... yeah, I think I'm worried about the same thing too. sigh..... and I am not getting any younger.

Right now there's another angmoh married (WTF??!!) man that seem interested in me and was expressing all kinds of lustful desires for me, saying he felt a special connection, wish to cuddle me, and bet the first time we meet we will surely kiss passionately. *roll eyes. Sigh, where are all the good single men??????? Anyway, it turns out, he is saying the same things to another lady friend of mine.

It's really hard to meet a good decent noble man out there, mum. Plus I do seem to be rather selective. I like a guy who speaks well and who can really interact with me. I like him to be fun and charming too, with a witty sense of humour that is not too distasteful. I like a guy who enjoys food, and hopefully he'll be in awe of your cooking! Also, somehow, I still prefer those who are musically inclined and like songs and music. (I tried dating a few guys who are tone deaf or have no sense of liking for music and I totally felt turn off). And of course, it'll be great if he holds a good job and is financially stable, so that you don't have to worry for me, because you know he can take care of me if ever I loose my job or had children or whatever. A man who will have time for me, who knows how to treasure and cherish me and not take me for granted... sigh.. is that a tall list? Oh yes, let's not forget about movies and TV. hahahahahaha...

Sadly, there was a few men.. whom I actually favour... but I guess I'm too shy or too proud or felt too vulnerable to express how I feel about them, or the feelings or attraction is not mutual. Oh well~ their loss, I suppose. heheheheheheeh...

Really, mum, I want you to be happy for me and glad for me.... and I'm sorry that so far, I have been far from being able to make you truly happy and glad for me.

Lately, you've been worried about Aunt Nai's financial situation too, and your teeth problems.. and I know you feel depressed at times when you see yourself aging... I wish I could have the finances to settle all that for you - prevent you from loosing all your good teeth, send you to slimming spa packages to give you a nice trim figure, skin laser treatments to rid it of the lines and pigmentations and other flaws or signs of aging... and travel to countries with you to see the world and enjoy & experience the sceneries and nature.

Right now, I promise to stay focused and work hard on the job, and try not to spend $$ too unwisely (ooops~), and try to travel next year with you together. I will try to start my exercise soon, and keep fit, so that you 'll not worry about me looking like a hippo and no men will want me. hehehehehe....

Oh, and thank you too, for bearing with my piggy lifestyle : I really made a pigsty out of my room. It is forever messy and dusty and you just don't understand how I could put up with such an environment. heh... Thanks for removing my bedsheets and washing them (though you know I'll complain silently abt you leaving it for me to spread them back myself), and for helping me with my laundry sometimes.

Thanks for the yummy good food you cook for me (you're the best cook in my world!), and for making me feel loved and cherished, and for letting me know how much you appreciated my company as well - You need a friend too, and I know there must be millions of things you wish you could confide in me or just get it off your chest -- but I am rarely there for you. I try to have more afternoon weekend tea with you!

I love you mum, and appreciate you very much. I will try to remember to be a better daughter, a better friend, a lesser worry for you, a greater source of your pride and joy.

Happy Mother's Day~ and wishing you good health and good health and GOOD HEALTH and youth and youth and YOUTH and happiness and happiness and HAPPINESS!!!!

Love,
Ying


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3 hours later.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erm.... heh.... paiseh... *blush..
Just realised that I'm a week too early for this letter. Mother's day is prob next week on the 13th May. hehehehehe...
The dingbat strikes again!!!! Cheh~, and I was really typing the above with full emotions and tears streaming down my face! At one point, Mum came into my room to ask me what I'm busy with (because its time to go pick up my brother from the airport).. and saw me with wet puffy eyes and I was quickly sucking in my mucus flowing from the nose... Told her I was reading something touching online. hwah-hwah-hwah-hwah.... I felt so tickled about it now.
But anyway, mum's not supposed to read whatever's above. Sigh....
I feel so lonesome today. I'll live. I'm still doing fine, and alive, and has the potential to be happy. YAY!!!!

- 8.33pm, 7 May 2006

06/05 . Fat Cat named Tweetie

Heh Heh Heee... found my look alike ..
Awwwww..... wish this cat's mine! I'm naming it after moi!~

*hug hug hug .. pat-pat... koochi koochi kooo...
I MUST have a cat of my own in this life time. I MUST.


Tweetie the fat cat *purrrrr...rrr.r.rrrrr

01/05 . Awww... How sweet~

Aint they sweet? It made me wanna be this kitty.. and hopefully my man the doggie. hehehehe.... It's kind of romantic, this picture.

Gee.. am I in heat again?

01/05 . Just some Blah Blah Blah...

Blah Blah Blah...
Blah Blah Blah...Blah Blah Blah...
Blah Blah Blah...Blah Blah Blah...Blah Blah Blah...
Blah Blah Blah...Blah Blah Blah...Blah Blah Blah...Blah Blah Blah...Blah Blah Blah...

Blah Blah Blah...

Hehehehehe...

Yes, I'm absolute absolutely bored.

I'm supposed to be clearing the rubbish from my room and cleaning it up this long weekend, but I've spent it so passively dozing and watching TV or just eating. heh. Now I'm on a guilty trip.

Have been badly bitten by bed bug lately, and finally caught that devil. However, are there more?????? Sigh.. this is really a disturbing thought. *scratch-scratch-scratch.

I'm just so paranoid. *scratch-scratch

01/05 . I'm back!!!

My dear dear friends who have been my blogders (blog-readers),

First of all, forgive me for shutting down the blog for a while, and also changing the url name. I have made the mistake of letting a guy - whom I've gotten emotionally involved - into my blog. He loved the way I wrote, and hence I was eager to let him read my blog too. BIG MISTAKE. He practically reads it daily and and left my blog as a permanent opened window on his PC so he will not miss an update (so he says -- anyway, I bet he didn't even noticed I have shifted my blog address). I was flattered at first, but then... I have always been a person who need to reserve some of my private thoughts and feelings from others, or the direct person I am interacting with.

And largely due to that reason, I was afraid to put down how I was really thinking and feeling, because it made me very vulnerable, as well as.... some of my honest thoughts will probably jeopardize an already complicated situation. I was afraid that I might be misunderstood as well, because if I were to pen my fears, will it be taken as emotional blackmail? Do I want to write down how much I desire & admire him or my fantasy & hopes and dreams of him and scare him away (perhaps in doing so gave him the secrets to controlling/manipulating me)???Do I want him to know how insecure or negative I feel? And do I want him to read about how pissed and petty I am and potentially have that start a fight? And do I write down my doubts and suspicions of him and the incongruent things he said?????? NOPE. Therefore, my silence... and just posting of some "safe" entries.

Anyway, soon I will write an account of this "affair" (summerized) from my perspective. And of course, I won't let people in on my blog again - those whom I date or might get emotionally involved,- Except for one - you know who you are, you're the one who inspired me on starting the blog and a friend and somewhat soulmate. Anyway you no longer date me, so its ok, hehehehe..

Anyway, my so called "LOVE EPISODE" is way OVER. hahahaa... I was really too quick to say the word "I love you", and you bet, it will not be so quick in future. I thought it was love, but I guess not. This experience has definitely left a hole in my heart and some scars, and I will try not to let anymore freaks sway me with their cheaptalk so easily anymore. Sigh..... Yes, my last entry seems rather ridiculous too, getting so depressed just becos a guy didn't call for 2 days? Well, I was not in the mood to give the background of the story, but I will -- in the summary account, and you'll understand why I was so frustrated.

There was this post I read, written by a Singaporean lady who works and live in Hong Kong (woah~ I love the way she writes!) and something she wrote expressed to some extent what I was going through (in the beginning), but of course from a different tone (mine will be more heart wrenching confusion heartaches, instead of bliss). Anyway, here's an extract :

[Sash -- A Babe In Toyland] : "I am having the time of my life right now. Personally, socially, sexually and for once, a little bit emotionally. This is unique, unusual and unexpected. And for someone with as unconventional a view of life as me, it is also extremely hard to come by. There is a lot going on that I am not ready to write about yet. Not because I am afraid of looking silly and absurd in front of you (now that is a long lost cause if ever I saw one!) but because I don't want to chase away the delicate grace-notes that are floating by and ground them into a structured orchestral opus as yet. As beautiful as that score may be, there is a time and place for everything. And now is my time to capture the moment, to feel inspired, to think foolish thoughts and dream imprudent dreams. I am storing up nuggets in my life-bank, stashing away as much as I can for the rainy days I see ahead. And if I suffer, for now I prefer to do so in silence. I am sorry I can't be more than just annoyingly vague but I know that you will understand. And be happy for me. You know, I will reveal more with time. "

If you're interested to read her blog, its at : www.singleserves.blogspot.com (However, please be warned of the adult content. hehehehe...)

The GOOD NEWS, my friends, is that I am now recovering back to my old zany wacky bubbly self, and soon I will update as much as possible my recent adventures, trips out of Singapore, photos, stories, new job and new dates (met some freaks from the internet and disappointing dates arranged by the Dating agency).

Through this period, I've grown. The most significant growth is the growth of my kingdom sideways of course! Wahahahaha... It's 1st of May, and I have not made it to the gym. Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk.... Teeheehee.. will be doing that soon, now that my distractions and depression is over. Time to get back on track.

Hugs for all of you (muuaaaaa~)
*_*

P.S... If you get notified that I'm renaming the url / location again, most probably I am hiding it again from someone I foolishly granted permission to read and regretted doing it. Hehehehe... Please bear with me then! I guess I'm just not so cool a gal. By the way, any guru can gimme some tips?

29/04 . Memoirs of 3 shoes

EH? What's that???? ... hmmmm...



Wahahahahahaha...!!!

3 old shoes were found somewhere on a pavement .. in Singapore.. around 3am... far away from home -- with just one side each - Hmmm.... I wonder why???? Did they belong to a jerk? Were they abandoned and left cold out on a shelf after they've served their master faithfully? Hmmm.... perhaps they've been abused and hence some kind folks decided to rescue them, hehehehehheehee...



A closer look at the 3 shoes....

I know, most of you reading this will not get why I'm laughing at 3 shoes on the pavement. But to me, it has special significance. WAHAHAHA.. Anyway, it also reminded me of something naughty I did with a partner-in-crime 2 years back in my ex-office, related to a shoe. I remember we had so much cheap thrills then and nearly died trying to stifle our laughter~! Aww... those were the days, my friend. We had such memorable times eh?

Anyway, me and my pal took a couple of pics with these shoes. Woah~ they are kind of large. Must have belonged to a big ugly beasty guy. I'm sure it is because he had pissed off some lady and she did this to him. Don't mess with women. I so wanna laugh, hahahahaha...


Look how petite our feet are compared to them...


Anyway, IF you are the owner of these shoes (I doubt you'll be reading this lah!), or know who the owners are... don't bother asking me where they are. I doubt they are still there.... too bad! Buahahahahaa...

OH~This is healing, yeeheeeheeeheeeheee...
IT SURE MADE MY DAY, Baby!!
Gimme a five!

22/03 . Aches...Heart aches

It's aching.. oh, aching so much.. my heart.

And it has been crying silent tears. I no longer feel happy, at least not recently. My spirits have been low, and each time I think of him, aches just grip my heart, and frustrations and negativity fills me.

Why?

Why does it become like this? I miss the times we had in the beginning, it was so much fun to chat online. He is so witty and funny and refreshing, and so sincere and moving with his words... the promises.. the poem.. the songs.. and I fell head over heels. I was so thrilled about him I couldn't fall asleep and my heart kept beating, and wondering about the potential of where this can lead to. He'll call everyday, several times, and also every night.. and chat with me online almost daily and if not, he will sms me asking what am I doing, saying he miss me and other sweet things... and I did think, how long can he keep this up? And indeed, not long enough. For the past 2 whole days, I have not heard from him. Nor did I try to contact him anymore after our last conversation, where he sounded annoyed, and made me feel so unwanted. And for the past month, our contact with each other has greatly lessened... and so far, we've met 9 times, if I didn't miss out any. Gee, it sure felt much lesser than 9 times. Now, I don't even dare to call him, so afraid that no one will answer and wonder why won't he answer, and if he answer, will I hear a weak cold irritated voice at the other end asking me is there anything I want and why do I call.

Mistake, my mistake.
I have allowed him to dictate my happiness. I have became emotionally dependent on him and that is wrong. I am crushed, that I am not emotionally independent, though I badly want to be. I wish I am so cool. I wish I can just go about with daily things and don't give a second thought to why he hadn't call. Yes, he was sick. How sick? I just had enough of hearing all the excuses. Is he in hospital, is he in a comma? I'm sure he's up and about to eat, to bathe, to walk his dog, check emails and work a little... just have no time to even send me an sms. Am I such a dread? Am I such a bother? Am I such a problem? Am I so not worth a message or a call.... And I know I should stop thinking along such a line for my own sake.

All I know is, I felt taken for granted, uncherished, undesired. And I felt crushed in my confidence. I felt unattractive. Uncharming. And it is my own fault. It is time to end it.

I have made the mistake of heaping expectations upon him... and that leads to bitter disappointments. I have became needy and insecure because of his lack of availablity... hahahaha... what a joke. A repeat occurance of what happened with Tim. But of course, this round, I have many good experiences during the journey. I am just sad to see it ending. Grieved.

I don't want to continue it anymore. It's just too hard. Trying far too hard. It can never happen unless there is a change in lifestyle, and there's no way I want to change his lifestyle - he has been living his life this way for a decade and why should he change it just for me?? Who am I to demand or request for such a change? Yet there's no way I am going to adapt, nor accept the fact that I will have to live a "widowed"-like kind of life with him, or the tragic Swan Princess experience? That during the day time, in my waking hours, I will not and should not expect to hear from him nor get to go out with him until its past midnight? Sigh... this is just not practical. Otherwise, his early evenings will be for meeting potential clients or dinner with his mother, or soccer, or drinks with buddies. I'm kept till last. And I have to make noise... which takes A LOT from me, to get to meet him. And hell, sometimes it is because he kept saying how much he missed me and wish he could meet me that I respond and say OK lets meet and can you make it when... and he'll hesitate so much or have all kind of reasons why he can't meet that I just go crazy and frustrated and pissed. Because it really does hurt my ego, my pride, my dignity, my self-respect.

I guess I am just too attention seeking, demanding, and needy and high maintenance. I'm not easy to handle. Not easy to please.

And guess what, it has only been 2 months. But it has been a good two months.

I just hope I'm cool enough, emotionally, to handle the ending of this special friendship, or relationship. I don't know what to call it. Sigh...

I'm just feeling kind of devastated and dis-illusioned. Abandoned? maybe. But it's ok, he's really not the guy for me. I admire him for many qualities, but I guess that's all to it. He had been nice and tolerant with me, but also not anymore. He was sweet, but not anymore. He was funny and witty and charming, but I no longer find him funny nor witty nor charming. Most of the time I'm pissed with him, frustrated with him, or impatient with him. NOT GOOD.

The best thing is to end it. There's no point trying to work it out, because it is not working towards marriage. Yeah, what a joke. So forget it. Yes, easier said than done. But I think, that is the right thing to do... just don't know how to really do it. I am so double-minded and soft and weak.. but I know, I had heard enough of "I'm sorry"s. I had enough of saying "its OK". I had enough of explaining why I'm pissed. I had enough of feeling negative. Yes, it's not all his fault. But he had stopped making me happy. I had stopped being happy with him. So let's not try too hard. It's not gonna get too much better. Soon there will be another episode, another disapointment, another regret. So let's cool it off then, and keep the good memories.

There are really really nice memories... and those were what I was holding on to. I miss him, because of those memories. But... in a relationship.. even friendships, it is about making new memories and new experiences... but if each time it is unhappy, and not making it better and stronger, then let's not force ourselves.

Yeah, he might still be attracted, and I wonder why. Yes, he might still say I'm worth it, but I don't see the effort worthy of what he said. And if this is what I'm worth based on his efforts, I don't worth much then!!!!!! Empty words... sigh... why am I such a sucker.

I just feel bitter, and sour.. and hope it'll be over soon. Hope I'll get over it soon. Hope I'll be back to bubbly old me soon, the one that those close to me loves and knows. Back to my charming endearing witty chirpy old self.

OUCH. It hurts so bad.

10/03 . Baby David Glamour Shots by CrazyAunt

Hehehe... just could not resist being a silly Aunt. Some recent shots of Baby David, (now coming to 3 months old in 10 days' time) when he came over to our house for the afternoon :


Awwww... so cute~


I hope he would be VERY amused to see these pics when he grows up, kekekeke....

03/03 . Pig sighting @ Lau Pa Sat

Went Lau Pa Sat with Bir last Sunday! Bir was craving for grilled sotong and after considering a few places, we've finally decided on LPS. I really can't remember the last time I was there for dinner, but definitely a long long long time ago!!

Met up with Bir at Raffles Place MRT and found our way there... erm.. effortlessly. Heh! LTA or MRT or whoever did a great job with the signs, and plus my "talented" sense of direction, we're there within 15 minutes of walking without taking the one hour scenic route. kekekekeke...

The place didn't really change much, and we sat at the tables on the road. It was nice and windy and I'm glad the satay smoke wasn't blowing at our faces. We ordered food enough for 10 people and I even had beer, though I'm not really a beer person. We really pigged out, hehehehe... :

Here're some pics I took.. just for the memory :

We ordered :
Mee Goreng, Deep Fried Baby Squids,
Sting Ray, Sotong Fritters,
Satay (beef, mutton, chicken, duck).
Yes, Duck Satay.

Taking a pic for Bir - he didn't bring his digi cam wor~

Cheers!!! TIGER beer, Bir's favourite beer!

Bir and his share of food.. tsk tsk so greedy, hahaha

Argh... wah lau so blur, who's that lady?!

Nearer!!!! Yeah~ that's moi! kekeke...


We ate and yak yak till around 10pm and ... of course, we can't finish all these food. Then, we walked back to the MRT station and took a train down to Clarke Quay. We tried searching for Madam Wong's and finally learnt that it's located at Mohd Sultan. BAH. Nevermind, so we decided to go back to Crazy Elephant for a drink. I had a glass of house wine while Bir had another Tiger! And I must say that the house band's music is really good. I really felt like standing up and shake my ass around with attitude! hehehe... Woohoo~ Love the blues... the drums and the bass guitar are seamless, and the lead electric git were grrrrrrrrroooovy! We sat for about 40 minutes and left when a young guy with Donald Duck's kind of voice took the stage to jam. GAH. What a torture! His songs don't seem to end and obviously not many people bothered with him. To me, it was getting excruciating at some point. As the place got more smokey, it's our signal to go. Hence around 11.15pm, we left and head back to the MRT station.

Anyway, we still had a nice time hanging out and chilling!!!! Look at my happy piggy grin~ *_* So vain, hee hee... took it on our way back to the MRT, heading home liao~




Yes, so vain. I rike~

Cheeers!!! *burrrrrp~*

02/03 . YES!! I've got a job!!!! I will be "HR Excusetive"!!

Wahahahahhahaa!!!!!! I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO Happy!!!!! Yes I finally got a job! A permanent JOB!!!

I received an sms yesterday from Carol the Consultant to inform me that the fishing company had positively wanna hire me - and me being the ONLY person they've interviewed - and they are offering me the pay at $500 less than my previous-most-highest pay, which is S$1000 more than my last pay as a temp HR person!!!!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Then, early this morning, I received a call from my friend from the headhunting firm who wanna hire me as the Research Associate, telling me that in case salary is the factor, they're gonna raise the offering salary up by $500 to match what the fishing company is gonna offer me!!!!! OH GOD! That really caused me to sit up and think carefully, because now this new development had made the decision a hard one! I had not anticipated that they would wanna "fight for me" to join their team. My friend told me that the whole team of Researchers really liked me and told her to "go for it" in terms of hiring me, and the Senior Head Consultant is also impressed with me and keen for me to join the team, and the raise in their offer is a joint decision between her and her boss!!!! WOW~! I'm overwhelmed. It amazed me that people really believed in me... (or perhaps I'm really convincing at bullshitting them during the interview... teeheehee... )

I also got frightened by horrible thoughts of having too much to do due to the highly diversified role I had to play at the fishing company, plus the political situation that 2 person will be "let go" once I join (I'd be taking over their jobs, somewhat) and the fear of not being able to cope or not being to live up to expectations due to my weaknesses, plus the lack in confidence to handle what I'm not good at. However, thanks to the few mentors and friends I have - which I immediately contacted - I managed to get a better view and perspective of what I really want (and don't want, and suck at doing) and I would find comfortable in doing from these precious people. Hence I decided to still go with the OCTOPUS job of being the HR-cum-everything-else person for the fishing company. Hence now, with salary offered being the same, I chose the adminitrative HR role. If this fails, I'll NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER do HR or Admin again. (..erm...but I might lah....... maybe be a humble old receptionist or a sales assistant at some ladies clothing shop~ hey, how about Giordano? hehehehehehe... or maybe I'll try my luck with food outlets like O'Briens or DeliFrance...... sigh... - but no worries, I'll never come to the state where I go join the Geylang ladies special force *gulp* kekekekeke....)

So, at 3.30pm, I signed the Job Offer.

My new boss looks as dashing as ever (awwwww.... George Clooney!!!! and he looked late 30's today, hahahaha...). He's a serious man, not the kind that is relaxed and joke around. But good, I don't need a clown for a boss anyway, hehehe.... and we're looking at the week of 20th or 27th March as commencement date, depending on when he'll be in Singapore. He did tell me a little bit about the delicate situation at the office, which of course, I fully understand, also that we will be working out some problems together, to which I pledge my utmost support!!! - and I like what he said too, that after they've interviewed me, they felt they've found a perfect fit and need not waste time to interview further candidates, hence the prompt decision. Hey, this really boost my ego and confidence because this means they really believed in me to be a good help and this is a very strong motivating factor for me... (hopefully, I'm not being too guilable and a silly sucker!!! ). How nice and romantic if a guy would said the same upon knowing me... that he had found the perfect one, and need not look further... Awwwwwww~............. Ok. wake up your idea.

Of course, on the other hand, I am also overwhelmed by the sincerity of the other Headhunting firm - the team of Researches and the Head Consultant who are so ready to believe in me, believing in my potential to "make it" as a good Research person for their team, and my friend who is so open and so willing to fight for me - I really feel grateful and sorry that I have to "let them down". Yes, it's their loss. (Hahahahaahaha ...Yes, KNS~ HEHEHEHEHEEEEEE..... perhaps its their blessing in disguise?!!??)

Sigh... I am so relieved!!! And I look forward to commencing work. Finally I can fully relax and enjoy myself (with the limited finances - only S$73 in my bank account today!!!! But some money should be coming in during the next 2 days!) till I start work end of the month. Might go Bangkok and Penang with mum on the week of the 13th, and I'm really excited!! I've always wanted to visit Bangkok but never had a chance. This is also one of my 2006 resolution - to visit one of the neighboring countries, e.g. Thailand or Indonesia. It's gonna come true!!!!!

THANK YOU all, for supporting me and encouraging me and giving me timely advice - I really appreciate it and am glad that now there is one big load off my shoulder. I will be comfortably paid, and very soon - perhaps in 4 months, I will be able to obtain the DEBT-FREE status! YAY!!!! What a dream came true!!!! ;P I really felt so happy this moment! And I am glad too, that my friend at the Headhunting firm is very open and understanding when I advised her of my decision. That made it all so much easier. I am truly grateful. Will buy her lunch next week.

I had such a fantastic day today : went out for Japanese lunch with mum and bee and the cutest baby David, visited a park and thereafter drove on to my new company to sign the contract, then have coffee, rush home and finally met up with my best pal for a movie in town. Hey, talking about the movie, we watched "BIG MOMMA HOUSE 2" and it is such a hilarious funny & absolutely great and entertaining movie!!!!! We both squealed and screamed and laughed through most part of the show, it is most enjoyable and I'm so glad I watch it with you, ET! :) Thereafter, we went for Ice-cream and chit chat, finally head home via MRT. It is a full day of celebration !!! And yes, ....... after watching Big Momma, I really MUST hit the gym soon~ .... lest I end up looking like Big Momma!!!!!!!! ARGH!!

So happy leh!!!!! WWwwwaaaaaha!!!!!!
I, HR EXCUSETIVE!!!!!!!! ;P