爱和喜欢

Read this post from a friend's blog today... it really made me think.
*ouch*



你能分清楚爱和喜欢吗？

喜歡和愛咫尺千里。

當你喜歡一個人時，你想和他在一起，因為他會帶給你快樂；離開後，你會想念，想著想著就會笑，然後繼續你平靜的生活，並期待著與他再一次重逢。

當你愛一個人時，你想和他在一起，那是一種牽腸掛肚的捨不得，怕他受委屈，怕他不能好好照顧自己；離開後，你也會想念，想著想著歎一口氣，'不知他現在過的怎樣？'然後你繼續你平靜的生活，希望他早日回到你身邊。

你喜歡的人在你眼中是天使，無所不能，他總會滿足你的任性的要求。

你愛的人在你眼中是孩子，傻傻的，你不期望他做出什麼'好事' 來，只一味縱容他那些讓人哭笑不得的舉動。

你會希望你喜歡的人陪著你，然而你心中想的可能是你愛的人；
你會希望陪在你愛的人身邊，看他在你面前睡得如此安逸甜美毫不設防的樣子，你會微笑，會覺得好幸福。

你喜歡的人傷害了你，你會生氣，並且一定要讓他哄著騙著逗你笑你才原諒他；
你愛的人傷害了你，你只會獨自傷心，因為你怕對他大吼大叫會嚇著他，你憂傷地微笑著，看著他的眼睛，一旦發現他的眼裡流露出歉意和悔恨，你會立即心疼地摟他在懷裡，那一刻，你也是幸福的。

你可以同時喜歡很多人，你會希望和很多人在一起，但也許很多年後你才發現，原來你愛的就只有那麼一個，就那麼一個，怎麼都不會變，你以為把他忘記了，其實只是忙的沒空想起而已，

對於你喜歡的人，你關注的是他的優點；
對於你愛的人，你關注的是他的缺點，並且，那些缺點如果無關原則的話，它們在你眼裡是可愛的，獨一無二的。

喜歡和愛其實只有一紙之隔，任何愛都從喜歡開始，當有天你突然發現，你喜歡的那個人在你眼中不再完美，而他的瑕疵正如月中的桂影一般讓你更加依依不捨，你會覺得與他光彩照人的一面相比，你更願意看他在你面前無助的表情，不知道是不是應該祝賀你，

總之，你的感情昇華了——仰慕不是愛，甚至不是喜歡，當你對一個人只有仰慕之情時，你們在一起便失去了和諧。

有人說愛一個人很累，的確是，因為你想為他承擔，可是愛與喜歡相比最大的魅力就在於，當你和愛的人在一起時，

你的感覺就像回家了！

New Blog : Tweetietouille!!!

Sorry I've not been here for sometime.. though yes, there's been again, many sad and broken moments since... for matters of the heart.

However, I've decided to start a new blog, something more "current" that I can share with my new friends without opening them to all my deep dark moments of the past.

So, everyone, you are most welcome (yes I insist!!!!) to my new blog, Tweetietouille!!
http://www.tweetietouille.blogspot.com/

I'll be there!!!

However, I'll still be back here.. for the heavy stuff. So please pardon me!! Tweetietalk will always be here.. for the real stuff.

Cheers
Tweet tweet!! ^^

Here's the latest "happening" -- Tweetie in VOGUE!!!
Nice? hehehehhe....

Tweetie in a Dress. Hot or not?

At St James Movida - Fri 4 July 2008

Don't I look super yummy? Yes, super KNS too but who cares!!!!

I will tell the story of how this sexy dress came about, soon..... hahaha!!

A New Life Begins! Nooo I'm not pregnant! LOL!

Phwew~!!!!! OMG The past week has been such a rollercoaster ride!!! UPWARDS!!!

And I definitely need to blog. Life events have again run me over and if I really wanna keep this blog as my memory lane and journal i had better start some discipline in keep the entries updated!!! Otherwise a huge part of my life will be gone with the lost memories! (Bcos i have short term memory and bad memory problems... kekekekeke...)

OK, where shall I begin?


Hmmmm.... perhaps, as a self-note, I'll list the stuff i need to update over the next few posts :

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~ New Job (YES! Started 5 days ago!)
~~ Cupcake reconnected!
~~ Jane's birthday gathering at St James Movida last nite
~~ New Laptop!
~~ No jeans allowed on friday at new office! gah.....
~~ Mum's Birthday & my cute nephews
~~ Getting over Summer
~~ Meeting new pals & close buddys (Kei, BW)
~~ My Gmax Reverse bungy ride with Rachel (hahaha the video is hilarious!)
~~ What Charlie said (resolving the insecurities i felt)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall, I am happy to report that I am ALIVE!! Moving on, and my life again is charging forward, upward, ... actually... it is spinning. hahahahahahahaha!!

And I am very very very grateful that I have people who genuinely cared for me. Even a little sms asking if I'm ok touches me to the core. Thank you, my friends. Thank you for loving me.

Ok, and now, I'm gonna take a nap just to procrastinate. Procrastination must be the only thing that I'm disciplined in. hahahaha~!!

Cheers~!! ^_^

I'll Move On

I crashed... today down all the way. Just crushed.. totally..
- after the final conversatin with him.

I believe.. the crying over him will end.. very soon.
I have finally reached rock bottom.

..........

Thats all I can utter at this moment.
I only have tears..

Let that part of my heart die, so it feels the pain no more.
So I can move on.
I'll move on.


Song : I'll Move On

- Lyrics and song by Olivia Ong

This road that I’m taking twists and turns
My life my chance turning dreams into reality

Down this path faced with many things
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away

Can’t seem to go on.
And I’ve been thru’ this before.
Now where am I? Where do I stand? A little lost here.
But I’ll remember. All those times you’ve bought me thru’.
I’d be a fool to give up cos’ the goal is near

I’ll move on, I’ll go on. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru’ this storm.
So I say, come what may.
I’ll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on

Here I am Once again caught in the rain.
Looking back I’ve come so far and I want to carry on

Take a step at a time it’s alright.
Even thru’ this rain, I want to smile again

Don’t hold back now. And I’ve been thru’ this before.
Now where am I? Where do I stand? A little lost here.
But I’ll remember. All those times you’ve bought me thru’.
I can feel the sun shining down on me

Here I am, Here I am. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru’ this storm.
So I say, come what may.
I’ll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on





I need a hug...

I really really really need a good hug....

Song: When You Tell Me You Love Me

Came across this beautiful song that tugged at my hopeless romantic heartstrings.

Well, I'm definitely gonna hold on to the hope that I will meet the right guy some day. But that means, I'll still have to keep on meeting men, right? But yeah, the experiences I've had should have made me wiser (though sadder, haha!) and more selective, and learned to take things slower.

I pray, that I will meet you soon.. my love.
Let's sing this song to each other one day soon, yea?
Whoever you are, wherever you may be now...
I long to tell you, that I love you.


WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME

West Life and Diana Ross version - Beautifully sung, and I love this MTV, simple yet special.

Hmm... not sure why I can't find it on YouTube whereby it is embeddable. Went thru a few and somehow it is diabled for embedding. There are versions by Diana Ross alone or other singers, but I still prefer this version with West Life. The brightcove vid below may be a little too big (width) for my blog template... but this is the one I came across.. boh pian lor..

(Lyrics are below the video)



LYRICS :

Verse 1:
I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

Verse 2:
I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

Chorus :
And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

Verse 3:
I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

Bridge :
In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger...

_____________________________


SOOOooooooo ROMANTIC~........ *dreamy look*

Cracked Pot Story

Got this in my gmail inbox from someone ... something I've read before in the past - but at this point in my life, it brought great encouragement.

I think people close to me and those who read this blog.. you'll probably know by now that I will grab anything to lift myself up when I'm down and trodden (Mmm... only after I'm done with my whining and crying, grieving and mourning, pity party and feeling sorry for myself, kekeke..).


THE CRACKED POT

An elderly Chinese woman had two Large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself,because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you Water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
SO....., to all of my "cracked pot" friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!


___________________

Yeah.. I am definitely one big cracked pot~ !! LOL!!

I only hope that the flowers on my side of the path are big and beautiful!!
And yes, I do love flowers.. especially the small and simple ones.

^_^

Bad Day - Friday the 13th!!! O_o

Sigh.. this can't go on!!

I must bury this once and for all!!

I really have no idea this thing really hit me so hard this time... sigh... How can it be??

On thinking back, I've only known him for a month. We've met up only 4 times in total!! Moreover, 1st 3 times, its not even a date!!!! The 1st time, we met for lunch and coffee to discuss something that he wanted my opinion for pertaining to some issues his female friend is going thru. 2nd time, hmm.... can't remember who asked who but we more or less decided to meet for late supper to yak yak yak again, becoming good friends already through the daily chatting. I see him as only the unfortunate younger cousin of the horrible pig (our common contact) turned personal friend.

3rd time we met up was after his one week ICT and he asked me to meet for dinner. During then I sort of felt he might be liking me but dismissed the thoughts becos its too KNS and it cold be just harmless flirting. After dinner and a fun chat with the restaurant's staff named "Sky", we're not in the mood for heading home, so he suggested going to Bali Villa for drinks... and that is when, in a moment we're just chilling out to smooth jazz music after wine... he kissed me and caught me totally by surprise. That's just last Thursday. The kiss changes everything. Gosh.. I was so confused. And on Saturday nite, we dated, hahaha... we caught a late movie - holding hands and enjoying the close connection while watching Kungfu Panda, and went to Mr Bean Cafe for coffee & wings after the show. Sigh, at that point.. I am still considering if I should accept this apparently budding romance. Hmmm~ sound so damn KNS lor. haha!!

And then, 3 days later - IT'S OVER!!!!! Oh What the hell!!! O_o Unbelievable!!!

Dr John Gray wrote : Men are like Blow Torches, Women are like Ovens. INDEED!!!! I mean, his fire came and gone so quickly, and now I'm just about preheated!!! All the energy put into heating up for nothing to bake! Grrrrr~~~

Also, its ridiculous. 3 days romance - and I'm like wanting to die liddat. Wah lau.... Viv, have some standard can or not!!??? If he CMI in his approach, then please move on. Don't sit there cry like baby, sob so loud as though someone died. Not worth it at all lor.. WAKE UP!!!!

O_o

Yeah, had a bad day today.

Early in the morning, I had a fight with Princess Carol over something which really set the fucking mood for the day.

Moreover, there is the stress to pack up the personal items and office items into boxes due to the office renovation. I needed to transport some stuff home, including some chairs and a pedestal (given free to staff - otherwise disposed to garang guni company). The tea lady's brother couldnt make it for this evening to help with transportation and I badly need to find solution. Thank God for Michelle - in the last minute I heard that her elder brother will coming to help her ferry some things home too, so I asked if I could engage his help and yes they were able to help me. Yahoo~!! However, I have to packed within 30mins!!!!!!!!! Arrrrghhhhhh!!!! STRESS!!!!!!

Anyway, thank God, I was able to pack most of the stuff and have them help me transport home - in the end it took about 2 hours (not 30minutes).

After that, lunch.. and carry on packing the office docs and stuffs with Jeslyn's help, and then finally, my own remaining personal effects. I brought home about 10 boxes of stuff. Geez.

Sigh....

And as I was packing, I began to feel sad... very very sad.
I feel miserable... very very miserable..

Reality of leaving my company sets in.
I am taking off all my stuff and packing into boxes - not bringing back.

Tears threatened to flow, but I dont wanna attract unnecessary attention - will be alarming for colleagues to catch me crying in my office while packing. Drama. So I swallowed those tears.

Sms'd him at about 1pm to let him know that the chairs he wanted have been brought to my place - and he can collect them when he is able to. Waited till 6pm, and there is still no reply. Sigh... in the past, he will reply sms promptly, and in fact he is the one who sms me most of the time. But now... so far... he has been that fucking silent and unresponsive. It is disappointing, so disappointing that I don't have the words to describe it. I am beginning to think that this is probably him in normal mode. If that is it, then really CMI lor. Sigh.... confirmed - if this is the standard in communication, then I'll be in for big frustrations if we got seriously involved. I know I need someone communicative and responsive. I guess, it is good to discover early that we are not compatible.

Another thought is... (for the benefit of doubt) : he probably does not want to lead me on, hence choosing to behave the way he did - for I would do the same too (in fact I've done that to Kalli when he just couldnt seem to get over me, sigh~). In that case, I should be grateful that he left me with no hope to cling on to.

I called him finally, around 6pm plus and asked casually if he's at work. Then asked if he received my sms, he confirmed he did. So I really hadda come direct, and i told him I am calling bcos i didnt get any reply and wants to confirm that he got the message so I can plan what to do with the chairs. Well, he just said that he'll probably collect on sunday , still trying to arrange with his friend for transport. Sigh.. I wonder if I should just forget about the chairs. Perhaps he dont really want them or would rather not see me than to come get the chairs - he can afford them anyway.

Devastated by the distance... felt like almost strangers. Tears choked up ... and I can't take it anymore at that point. Making the whole day worse is the accumulated effect of the fight in the morning, and the reality of me leaving my job, the anxiety of having no new job yet to go to... and the heartbreak... another heart wrenching episode.

I wished for a moment he had not crossed the line that night... because somehow when my heart melted, i because vulnerable, soft, and weak. I was still tough and brave to stand through this period of uncertainty and loss.

Michelle came over to talk to me after everyone has left the office, and we started talking. She saw the torture & misery on my face and asked me why.. and I started to tell her, and i just broke down and cried...
I cried aloud, feeling so sorry for myself. I sobbed loudly, tears running down my cheeks... in my office... in front of michelle.
Sobs.......

It felt good after that. Much better.

Sigh...

Couldn't help but send him one last sms around 11pm. Saying I miss him, and its has been a week since we kissed. No reply. I doubt there will be any. And another piece of me died.

Time to bury it. Enough grieving. I need to remove the sack cloth and shake off the ashes. It has dragged too long... the pain. Yet I can't deny that I'm in pain.

I will have to hide again... I dont feel like going out nor doing anything. I just feel like crying.

But yea, I think, forget about the chairs. I dont want to go where I'm not welcomed. Why be so helpful to someone who now treats me as a stranger?

If I love myself, I will need to lift my head up high and be angry with him!!! I should be angry!!!!! Yet all i can feel is grieve and pain!!!

But yea... if he's happier this way, then I should not try to tie him down. right?

I will not make myself cheap anymore. No more.
Going after him will only make him despise me instead of him seeing any value in me.

Forget... let it go... Let things go back to normal.

My heart will heal. I will be ok soon.

I need a hug. A big big warm loving hug... sobs...
there I go again... crying.. sigh...

Wish there's a prince for me too... who'll wanna make me smile.. and end my tears
(=.+)

Autumn Rain

Chatted online with him tonight..

Felt like old friends again, just bitching daily stuff.

Finally I can't withold what's suppressed within me for days and shared with him how I was feeling about the situation.

His answer, caused my tears to fall like rain.

My decision : To close the door, to walk on, and not look back. March on... till I see the sun.. till I see the rainbow once again.

And..
I got my closure.

Looks like I need to gather the pieces of my fragile heart, mop up the puddle - portions of my heart previously melted by his words - curl into a corner and hide again, to heal, to recover.

Unbelievable.

One after another... passing clouds in my life. Either that, or wolves in sheep clothings. Do I sound like I'm blaming others? I can only blame me.. for not being able to keep my heart locked away. I gave it away too easily. I allow people to touch it and melt it too easily.

Somehow, I am not taking this one well. I don't seem to be able to lift myself up. I think this one hits me deep. Hahaha... unbelievable.

I will be fine. I know I will be.

I have been so naive.

I am now, deeply disappointed.

Reading Chipmunk Prince's blog tonight heap on the heart aches. Even his poem to Princess tonight.. I wish it was for me. sobz. (-_-)

Chipmunk Princes' Poem tonite :

Taurus Princess

Don't cry, don't be sad, my precious one
Even if you trip into sadness,
Look into the truth
Be as you are

Events clouded your smile which I love so
Even if I pray, the flow of time is too fast,
Seems to wash you away too far, and can't go back

Painted by a calm light
The passing months are as if turning nights into dreams
Open your eyes and take a look,
The cherry-blossoms bloom close to you
And brilliantly sways in the rays of lights through the trees

I want to protect you forever but it's alright now
Someone is waiting for your gentle hands,
So lift your head up high

The one who fell in love a long time ago
Do you think they are feeling as one now?

Taurus Princess, fly away strongly
Don't look back,
Crossing the vast ocean
I hope there is always light for you
Because of you,
This life continues eternally

Your voice whispered softly
On the edge of the world
Where we have gotten used to this

Let us shatter the peace which was kept in place by silence
Before the showering of light comes forth
In this fading world, you and I share a bond
There is no need to hesitate or pause

Ah, these memories overflowing in my hands
They'll slowly search for tomorrow so they won't wilt
Princess of mine, fly away strongly
Don't look back,
Crossing the vast horizon
To a brand new day,
Today, tomorrow and for eternity


Sigh... so beautiful, so comforting ...

I wish things can be better for me.

*cough* Hmm... choked on a thought or two :

Things are only as bad as you see it~!
Always look on the bright side.. of life!
Everything's gonna be alright!

OK, will try to see the positive, smile bravely, march on .. when morning comes.

Tweetie will chirp and will flap her wings again .... when morning comes.

At least, I've tasted the sweetness of Summer. Mmm... will remember the wonderful parts. No matter what, that is still a great encounter, a great romance with a twist, unexpected, and something to smile about when I think back on days gone by.


Tonight, I will take my little yellow sinus pill and sleep.

Foolish

Have just spoken with him over the phone... this morning..

He sounded so tired, so exhausted. I think the poor fella must have been so busy with work and his new business that he is burning himself out.

Sigh,..

I feel foolish now. hur-hur...

Yet I wonder, is this the standard I should settle for and expect from a man who deserves me?
Are men like that?

Most probably it is not intentional of him to "disappear" because of other priorities and exhaustion. 3 weeks of daily sms and msn nightly (and even during the day) has already given me the impression that this is a man who will make time when he wants to. Or perhaps, coincidentally, the past 3 weeks has been a really slow period for him..

Oh well. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Right now, I should just take it easy, and not think about it anymore.

March on, move on.

If he picks up speed again, then I'll see how it goes. Otherwise, I'm letting it go.

No point pacing around waiting for a man who has already walked away, right?

The man will take action to achieve his objective, right?

Hence, if I am not the objective, no point entertaining false hopes and holding on to unfulfilled promises. Moreover... what promises? On tracking back, he has not made promises - he merely indicated interest and desires.

Sigh... I'm beginning to think that I am really a big problem.

That's not a good thought.. not good at all.

What happen to the bubbly, fun, chatty, animated, adorable and interesting Tweetie??
She's still here.
Just temporarily crippled emotionally.

Is there a cure for me? Sigh....

I think, any man who have read these thoughts of mine will run far far away into the mountains and don't look back.

I can only hope that with each day, I will grow into a more wholesome-minded person and overcome these issues that sabotages potential relationships in my life.

This reminds me of the short talk by Kloudiia at a Workplace Networking Session I attended out of curiousity (dragged Michelle along, hahaha!) :

She shared that what we BELIEVE can actually sabotage our love life. Sometimes we are not aware of what our believes are. If what we are believing in is not working for us, we should change it, to have the correct mindset and values. She calls it "reframing" our mind to think the positive, to reinforce the positive.

I need to look deeper within me, again. See what's wrong.

Sigh.....