29/01 . Chin up, babe... Back straight, Tummy out!

It's time to bring some cheer back to this precious blog of mine.

Blogger has now upgraded itself with cool new features, hence last night I did a little upgrading to my template... just a few small minor touches to the colours. It now allows me to add a picture directly from the computer, I love that! Too bad I can't locate one that really fit perfectly to the mood of Tweetietalk... but, this pic of me in the hotel room in Amsterdam would suffice for now. I took this self portrait when we just checked into the Amsterdam hotel, it was morning and the sun was just beaming into the room... it was so cheery! Sigh.. I took this pic for Cupcake actually. Hmmm... Ok, think cheerful thoughts...

In 2006, I began to adore pink again. I've been majoring on blue for a large part of my life, but knowing me, I don't stick to certain preferences for too long, especially when it comes to colours. I love most colours but Blue has been an all time favourite. However, pink has been so sweet and appealing lately I've been pinking up a lot!!!! Ok, yah, there's no such word as "pinking" but who cares. Anyway for those previledge few who gets to read this blog, you are probably my close buddies, and my close buddies are usually intelligent beyond me. BWahahahahha!!

Yes, I still miss him badly. Yes, I still brood and sulk and mope around when my thoughts and emotions drift, and its always the most tormenting before I sleep. I can't sleep. Have not been able to fall asleep without the tightening of the heart muscles in aches... I've been a mini-alcoholic... having wine bottles hidden in my room so mum don't catch me drinking. Sigh.. but just as i've read or heard from somewhere, different people cope with grieve or failure or pain differently. Some will go out partying with friends, some put their energies into work or sports, some talk and talk and talk till they feel better (e.g. visit therapistssssss), some write & blog, some drown themselves in alcohol. I guess for me... hahaha.. erhmmm... I guess I talk to friends, blog.. and drink. But I have to watch it.. I really dont' wanna turn into an alcoholic.

Since that missed call on Saturday, I've not had peace of mind. Sighhhhhhhh. I hate that. Kept checking phone for text and checking gmail for any possible email from him. NONE. OK, I guess that missed call raised hopes again. I'll have to kill it. Kill the expectation, kill the hope that he would surprise me and melt my heart again. ET commented I am so easily pacified, its so easy to melt my heart with so little, just an email and empty promises is good enough to do the trick past few times, always make things so easy for the man. I guess maybe that's why he does not kwow how to treasure me when I'm still around. And because he knows I have weak will and the fact that I am hopelessly in love with him, devoted to him.. he thinks I'll just simmer down and be easily pursuaded to return... that I'm just throwing childish tantrums when I say I'm gone for good? Over the phone he said that whenever I said I'm leaving, he will just need to wait for 2-3 days and I'll be back. WTF. I can only blame myself. Anyway, that's the past. I'm just glad this time its been more than 3 days, bwahahahahaha!!!!!

Life is so empty without him. But yes, I will just have to accept it and learn to fill my life up once again with other things. That is within my control. But I will take my time to let my heart, soul, emotions heal. Just hope I'll get out of these clouds of depression soon. I'm definitely not ready for any romance. In fact I was just wondering ... if my love for him will ever die? I guess I don't want it to die yet. I miss loving him.

Have been doing some reading to fill up my hours. I've found Nora Roberts to be a wonderful writer.. the romance novels she wrote has been captivating and beautiful, emotions intense and beautifully written, especially in those stories with a touch of magic and fantasy. She writes modern romance, classical historical romance as well as those with magic fantasy with witches, wizards, warriors and faeries. Sighhhh... how I wish for myself to be swept off my feet, passionately desired and hungrily ravished and devoured by a man of my dreams. By Cupcake. Yeah, he will still make love to me in my dreams...

I'd love to visit Ireland one day. From all those novels I've been reading, Ireland seems like a romantic dreamland. Yes, I'll visit it one day, perhaps this year. I still have a ticket to London. I can go to Ireland via London perhaps. I doubt I'll see him again, but then again, I know my heart still wants to. Sigh.. the head and the heart, which do I follow?

Chris de Burgh has a song of that title..

"THE HEAD & THE HEART"

Lyrics:
Let us talk no more, let us go to sleep,
Let the rain fall on the window pane,
And fill the castle keep,
I am weary now, weary to my bones,
Weary from the travelling,
And the endless country roads,
That brought us here tonight, for this weekend,
And a chance to work it out,
For we cannot live together, and we cannot live apart,
It’s the classical dilemma between the head and the heart;

She is sleeping now, softly in the night,
And in my heart of darkness she has been the only light,
I am lost in love, looking at her face,
And still I hear the voice of reason,
Telling me to chase these dreams away,
Oh here we go again, we’re divided from the start,
For we cannot live together, and we cannot live apart,
It’s the classical dilemma between the head and the heart,
The head and the heart;

Now the dawn begins, and still I cannot sleep,
My head is spinning round but now the way is clear to me,
There is nothing left, nothing left to show,
The jury and the judge will see, it’s time to let her go,
Now hear the heart:
I believe that time will show,
She will always be a part of my world,
I don’t want to see her go;
So I plead my case to hear the heart,
And stay...
It’s time to let her go - I don’t want to let her go...
It’s time to let her go - I don’t want to let her go...
It’s time to let her go...
And in this classical dilemma,
I find for - the heart.


I guess in this case, I don't want to let him go.. i want to choose the heart instead of the head.
But I know, right now, I have chosen the head. Will it work? I don't know.
He'll always be in my heart.


As for now, chin up!! Back straight!! Chest out!! ..... tummmy out too~!! hahahaha :D
It's not the end of the world yet. True love will come your way again, one day.