12/06 . Juz some clouds of thoughts...

Sigh.. I just donno what to make of all these anymore.
This morning as I read those messages, I feel pangs going through my heart. Almost like siezures. Another emotional attack? Sigh.. I still think it is highly attributed to the emotional baggage spilled over from the Captain Hook episode. I tried so hard to be careful with my heart but yet I'm so highly sensitive now that I hate it.

Cried this morning when I sensed from his reply comments that I've probably become a pest. Oh dear, this is really not my intention. Was just trying to be fun, but I've probably successfully got onto his nerves. It doesn't help with the teasing from the rest I feared it might have seemed as though I've been bitching to everyone about him not asking me out or calling me. *OUCH* Boy this do make me seemed hard-up, or desparate and ridiculous. I think my pride has been hurt. I know I'm thinking too much - but that's me, I tend to think too much. Arghhhhh.... Felt like giving him a call or send him an email or sms to apologise or "break the ice" (if there's any), but that would probably be the most silliest thing to do. No, better not start the new week like this. Don't think I can handle an icy reply or non-reply or worse, something that tells me I'm silly and don't be dramatic. Geez, I hate it when my emotions and thoughts became so complicated and negative and sensitive. Wish I could just cut it all off. But can't. No cool enough. Sobsz. Need a hug. sigh.... Paulbearie where are you? (heez.. Paulbearie.. mind I give you this new nick?)

OK. Introducing Paulbearie - a new friend - has emerged VERY recently, hot from the oven as my new potential soulmate and he's from London. hehehehe.. super funny witty wacko wacky comical sweet caring creative imaginative big-kid fella I have grown to adore. hahahaha... everyone should get to know him. don't you agree, Paulbearie? I know you'll be reading this. haha YOU BETTER! *growwwwwwwwl~*

Woke up happy this morning, weight has dropped further due to the bad tummy, haha~ was standing at 62.5kg!!! WOW~ That's a number I've not seen for quite long on my scale. I must continue to work at it. This evening I'll be at gym.So would I be tomorrow and Saturday. hehe... I've engaged a Personal Trainer for 8 sessions and kekeke he's HOT!!! Woah bulging muscles, fair skin with tattoo visible around his biceps or whatever - HAND / ARM. hahaaha.. And he seems a real gentlemen. I was down at the gym on Saturday for the 2pm session but arrived 2.20pm because of a traffic jam caused by accident on the highway. And I missed the exit because I was distracted in my mind.. missing someone dearly and having all kinds of sad thoughts. Silly me. Anyway, when I reached there, I needed to run to the loo again because my tummy was still not well. Terence, my PT, was really kind. Told me its OK he will cancel the session, and asked me how I'm feeling... and we planned for this week's appointments. Today's gonna be upper body workout, tomorrow will be lower body. YAY!!!! First steps towards physical fitness!

Eugene continued to call me and persist on meeting me. So probably I'll meet him this Wed/Thur to see how retarded he is. Anyway, I told him I'm bringing a friend along *sniggers* - I think it'll be fun. He told me he has tattoos across his chest and has did time in Australia, and has a shady past. But I asked him "why are you telling me this???" - and really, I don't f**king care. Especially the repulsive fact that he smokes. OOOOps~ sorry my smoker friends, I don't mind friends who smokes, but when it comes to selection of Mr Right or my dates, it is a big No NO NO!! I am allergic to the fumes... and the smoke is really higly offensive to my nostrils and lungs. However, hehehe... the thought of him having been to jail and having tattoos sounds exciting, never gone out with guys like this before, sounds dangerous and thrilling. bwahahahaha... Sigh, why do I only get asked out by such men? *shakes head*. CORRECTION : he did not ask me out. I promised to thank him for his effort/help by buying him a meal and drinks. OK. That sounds better. heeee.....

Was out for a Korean Movie with ET yesterday at The Cathay. Woah~ really nice place!!! Must go there for movies again!! Thanks to my horrid sense of direction and poor listening skills, I miss the turn into the carpark drive and we had to make a big detour inorder to come back to the same road. But we had fun along the way, as usual. That's the wonderful thing when you're with friends who knows your weaknesses yet accept you as who you are. You can make mistakes and still laugh together, and the encouragement to try again is always there. Muacks, ET! Love ya!!! After we've gotten the tickets, I caught sight of the place "Browhaus".. and stopped to check it out. A lady consultant came out and I was willingly talked into getting a browjob done. (BROW, not blow, hehehehe..). My brows has always been too sparse and thin and undefined.. and I've always wanted one of those sexy nice brow arches. 20 minutes later... I emerged from the service chair looking permanently surprised. Bwahahahahahaha... OK OK I exaggerated but this was how I felt!!!! Good thing ET was able to affirm and assure that I look great with the enhanced brows. hehe.. took a pic, but you'll see red blotches around the forehead due to the threading. NICE~!!! ???




The Korean movie was hilarious at first but draggy in the end. Still overall, it was romantic and sweet. The popcorn was fantastic. But due to me trying not to laugh out too loud at an old lady sitting next to us muttering question and comments aloud, and really I shouldn't have eaten the Cappaccio and Pasta and Swordfish and Coffee for lunch (mum's birthday) and probably shouldn't eat the popcorn as well - I did the merlion act and threw up half my tummy's content at the loo. Never did eat anything else last night except for the clay powder - medication from the doctor.

When I reached home it was past midnight and was elated to have gotten a long email from Paulbearie. Ahhh so sweet and so funny.. hehehe.. I would love to post what he wrote to let you all know how sweet he is but won't do it without his permission. hehe. Went to bed smiling. Thanks, Paulbearie!

Hmmm... feel so much better now.
OK. back to work. heheheehehehe... I love blogging. It's SoooOOooooo therapeutic.

Well, just got an email that I won't be going Miami for the HR Meeting. It's gonna be at Amsterdam this time, 4th-6th July. HEY!! Maybe I'll try to go London by train from there to see Paulbearie!!!! Wahahaha... Not sure if that is possible but wouldn't that be wonderful?!?