Oh, woke up this morning feeling so depressed, and feeling all sorts of heartaches. Purely emotional turmoil. Thinking too much again. Feel like cancelling all future appointments just to avoid disappointments. And yes, grave mistake. Never ever ask a guy out again. But then again, I always get carried away and forget my lessons and pains.
Was talking with my best friend the other night and admitting to her that I thought I was a cool person, that I'll be cool if this this this... and I'll be cool with that that that... and in the end, I am NOT COOL. I am SO NOT COOL with the this this this and the that that that. Rather than hating myself for being not cool when I am ideally supposed to be so cool, I think I will accept the fact that I am NOT COOL. I am a person that is NOT COOL with this this this and that that that, and I will love myself for being so not cool. Yea, that's attitude.
Just minutes ago, fear suddenly grip my heart as I thought... Oh dear, I think I might've victimised innocent people with my over-enthusiasms, perhaps I think they enjoy my company, or I thought they will enjoy something so much, that they'll be more than happy to go out... and I feared that the truth might be they are too nice to say 'No' to me. I certainly don't want to be labeled "high maintenance" but I guess that is really subjective. (this does not apply to my best friends - I KNOW FOR A FACT they enjoy me. hee hee... and I enjoy them - and they will say no to me when they need to).
I guess I have my seasons. There are times I'd rather stay at home and watch TV or just veg out. Laziness is a talent. Pigs are not stupid, they're just lazy. But there're are days I really wanna go out and do something thrilling, fun, interesting, something new and perhaps radical! Are all people like that? Is that normal? :D heh... It is normal, right? .....right?
I guess I'm still living like a turtle. When I've managed the courage to take a bold step, e.g. sticking out my head from the shell.. and hit the wall perhaps, I'd retract full speed and hide in my shell again for another million years. And it'll take much caoxing before I stick my nose out again. Naaah... not so bad lah. I've taken so many new steps this year I'm mighty proud of myself. hahaha...
Well, just some thoughts to jot down. Have to give people enough space to breathe. And will not ask any guys out again. Not for the time being. No more courage left. I'm just not cool enough.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
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3 comments:
Arrghh, silly workplace was blocking up everything.
Do cheer up my friend :) There're always ups and downs, without downs there are no ups, right? :) (Relativity ....)
Don't know if you've read about the people who win newspaper/magazines/online competitions extremely regularly. When asked for the secret of their success, their reply was that they entered in many more competitions than normal people did :)
Do post your comments back here! I'm sure everybody will love to read your comments too :)
haha.. alrighty, I shall post my reply here.. but wouldn't that mean you'll have to come back here to this post to check if I replied? Hmmmm,.....or do you have some 'angel' that'll actually keep you informed of the activity in the comments column?? ;)
Talking about pp who do that (entering more competitions)... it reminds me of something I read from Readers' Digest (can't remember it exactly but...): A mental institution who wanted to do a study on obessive compulsive disorder, posted an ad in the newspapers to invite pp with the same disorders to volunteer as a study subject. The very next day, they received a whopping 184 respond! .... all from the same person. WAH HA HA HAhahahahaha...
Ok anyway... I guess I usually contradict myself. I have been encouraging my frieds to take the bold step to heck it and ask the male species out, without too much reservations, anyway its just to hang out as friends and get to know somebody. And I still stand by that. And I still think they should go ahead and do it. As for me... I have not expect me to be still so vulnerable and sensitive, and most of the time its because I think and feel too much. :D
Thanks my friend, will emerge from the dark shadows soon and step into the sunshine. Before long, I'll be asking some guy out again without thinking (and regret later~)
*_*
Hmmmmm you know i dont think everyone would be put off by your enthusiam,i love it...you so full of life and i find that cute.So cheer up,life that chin,smile that wonderful smile,slip into something sexy and go get your guy...mr right will find you.
Cool?Hmmm i have not met you in person but i would say you are,i can say for certain you are zany,wacky and so much fun to be around...yay keep up the good work hahaha!!
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