29/08 . ^-^ Feeling more cheered up

Exchanged a few sms with him today after work... and felt cheered up. He still loves me (... just as a friend??..) and wanna keep me in his life (.. as a friend??...). And I like how he will punish me later (kekeke..) - he might be joking, but I would love to fulfill it, sounds like great fun. (Hahaha OK .... hey something's wrong here -- if it is fun, then is it still a punishment?)

Sigh, though I'm laughing, but why aren't I feeling happy?...... ;-(

Was actually surprised that he would reply. VERY SURPRISED. I was crying silently in the office earlier because I was feeling the withdrawals... and I guess, I miss his pampering or miss the assuring calmness in my soul that I have a special someone who cares for me and loves me (whom I love back). I wonder if he miss me? because I know this few days I'd probably not see this 3 words from him anymore.. sobsob..sob.. I'm so scared that I won't be hearing all these sweet words for a long long while. Because... I believe he will probably keep me at arms length till things are sorted out. Well, imagine what kind of hell it is.. we're already separated by lands and oceans.. now another arm's length? hehehe.. why is my love life so tumultuous?

I've never tasted true love till recently, so it is a good feeling that I wanna hold on to badly. And he is so perfect to me in so many areas, I just couldn't help loving him more and more. He is extremely caring, and tries his best to keep his words. He is sweet and romantic, and someone I could talk to. And the kind of guy I can imagine marrying and having fun and companionship for the rest of our lives.

I felt so ashamed right now that I am so self-centered. All I could think of is myself and how I feel. I mean... it sounds like.. I don't wanna lose him because of how he made me feel. But as confusing as it sounds, I think that is still love.. I believe I must have made him felt a special way too, that's why he love me right? Of course, its more than how we make each other feel. I admire him and respect him too. And he can also be so sexy. hehehehehehe..... (so can I).

Actually, I was also tempted to move my blog url again.. sigh...
That will be so silly. It's funny how many times I've shifted it.. and unable to blog because I got involved with a friend who reads my blog (whom I never thought I would get involved with). But for the first time, I am comfortable with writing my thoughts and feelings down though knowing he might read it. Yet, I have the assurance he will not take things wrongly, nor do I need to filter anything. Anyway, he's not here often.... and after this has happned, he probably has too much on his mind and too much havoc in his life right now to read this blog anymore. And if he finally did come here and read.... I bet it would have been months later. So I guess things would have progressed down a different path and all these will not be so relevant anymore.

I'm glad, that in such a time where my brain is again short-circuiting and emotions are in gyrations... I'm glad that I can return to my blog and pour it all out. As I've always said.. it's therapeutic for me. My private room.

OK, time for bed. I'm emotionally exhausted and drained out. Tonight I'll try to managed without a good night sms from him. And the night after.. and after.. till life gets back to the ordinary I guess. OK, I'm being extremely pessimistic lah. I'm sure things are not that bad... maybe he will send me an sms? Maybe he will say he miss me? Maybe .... maybe.... maybe...

I guess it will be quite easy to cry myself to sleep. Wet my pillow, keep my face moisturised.

Good night, world. Tweetie out.