29/08 . A taste of my own medicine

My tears flow non-stop when reality hit me that he is no longer on my friendster list.. because he deleted his whole account.. and that he has deleted me from his Yahoo 360 (along with everyone else). Though I know his reasons for doing so, and though he had informed me of what he had done.. somehow I was not prepared for the impact of it all.

Now I know how it felt like, when I removed him from my friendster list along with Hani and Phil. It hurts no matter how, when someone who meant deeply to you did that. Suddenly that space that you're connected with him from became desolate ground. Though there may be other friends remaining on the account, somehow the vacant space where his picture or name once was is glaring.

It's amazing that ... NOW... I could identify with how he could be feeling during then, and why he kept asking me to add him back on FS, and that was before I discovered he likes me and that I meant a lot more to him than I can ever imagine. A taste of my own medicine.. gosh it's a bitter and a hard pill to swallow indeed. What you sow you shall reap, and I dread the road ahead now. Sigh...........

Who would have imagine that after we've fallen in love with each other, this would happen? I have added him back just few days ago, but now he is totally gone... its my fault and I take responsibility for it. I have only wanna tickle her mind a bit for cheap thrill's sake, but never thought that the match I lighted would cause such an explosion -- all because I never stop to think twice thrice fourice fiverice. If I did stop to think, I would have decided against it because I could already smell the air permeated and saturated with gas. Sigh..

Last night, on the radio playing was Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting". For the first time, this song became very relevant to me, and I found myself sobbing as I listen to it, wondering at the same time if I'm going insane, ha..hh..haa... *nervous laughter. To me, its such an LDR song, never see it from that perspective before (although in this context, the lady had probably walked away from this guy....). And with all this that is happening, it's almost my song right now. With all these experiences in love and life.. I'm beginning to be able to relate to so many more of those songs on the radio now..... :

RIGHT HERE WAITING

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Sigh... yes baby, I'll be right here waiting for you.
-- kitty