10/09 . Is it time to be gone for good?

Read something off Yahoo 360 that just made me wanna wrap up and run forever and ever, disappearing from all these people....

I cannot handle it anymore...

Him asking her if she misses him.. then her asking him back..
Then him saying of course he misses her..
and all those hugs and kisses and love comments ...
and her saying he's so great...
and then 2.30, what's happening at 2.30am?
They are meeting for online chat?
Isn't it inconvenient to chat at this hour because of Maria???
But watever is 2.30... I'll never get to know.

As for the attention he's been giving her...
I am nowhere near all these.

But yes, I did finally receive an email from him today...

Said some general vague stuff.. including that I've been on his mind a lot.
But he didn't say he miss me.
Being on his mind doesn't mean he miss me - it could mean saying goodbye to me and how to say it. It could mean I've been a pain in the ass.. It could mean, he don't mind losing me.. ?

Why am I still holding on for him?
I guess when you've fallen hard for someone and truly loved him with a whole heart, its hard to just say stop.

He said he had not want to waste money on sms if since I will not bother to reply..
then why don't he send me an email or a message on yahoo?
I guess I dont' want to hear any lies nor do I want to know the truth.

But I know, to run and wrap everything up just like that is not my usual style. I need closure and I need to talk about things. I need to be set free. I need to be told in my face that he don't care anymore and don't want anymore of my love for him. Perhaps that he realised it was not love that he had for me ... just some other reasons.

Sighhhhhhhhh....

I am killing myself this way i know. And inflicting wounds upon myself unnecessarily...
but I guess I am in pain because I've been waiting to hear from him in vain.
I love this man and does he still love me and miss me and do I still mean much to him?

I don't know.

I wish I know.. and I wish I could talk to him.